Revenge.

 

As the old saying goes " Revenge is a dish best served cold " but can it work when applied to to those who have broken away from domestic abuse?....

  The answer to the above can all depend on the individual , how they want to go about it and if they felt they wanted to do it .  Yes , you could if you felt particularly vindictive and nasty enough attempt to try to treat your abuser exactly the same way they once treated you but that then leads to several other questions .

Would they actually notice what you were doing?...

Would they actually care  if you did it ?....

Would they then in return turn around and say  you were domestically abusing them ?....

Would you honestly feel any better if you decided to do it ?....

 Personally , no I don't think treating someone exactly the same way they treated you in this kind of situation would work very well because I'd like to think I'm a much better person than my now ex abuser is .

 I was brought up to always have good manners and be polite so treating someone with spiteful , hurtful words and actions goes completely against everything I was taught and that I believe in .

 I don't know about those reading this but it's not in my nature to want to be physically violent to anyone or anything , in my mind violence is never the correct answer to anything  . 

 Would writing a letter containing all the built up anxiety, tension and frustration and then sending it to a domestic abuser work ?......

 Maybe , but you have to rely on the fact they would actually want to read it it let alone understand what you were trying to say to them .

 I know for a fact that anything I wrote ( not that I would ever consider trying to do it and I wouldn't want to waste the paper ) would just straight away go in the nearest shredder like it and me never existed .

  

Could you go to the police to report them ?....

I guess that would all depend on how serious the abuse was and how much good quality proof or evidence you have to show it all happened . Some things when it comes to domestic abuse are almost impossible to prove , if there are only two people in the room and your being verbally abused you dont tend to remember to set things up to record what's going on because it can all happen so fast and unexpectedly .

   

So if none of the above seems a really good revenge option what else could someone do ?....

  This one is a really easy one to answer and it's a relatively easy one to do too  , is to just simply keep on existing. 

  I know for a fact that the one major and biggest thing that ultimately annoys my now ex is that not only am I still breathing but I'm also not quite as usless as I was once constantly told .

  Another thing that I think I can safely put down as my sort of revenge is the fact I'm not scared to tell the entire world that I was domestically abused and if I'm asked I'm more than happy to go into a few details . Revenge doesn't have to be the obvious kind of thing but sometimes just sometimes showing that your not afraid to be yourself can be the most powerful thing you can do .  

  

  I suppose the next big question would be is are there any benifits in getting revenge?....

  Yes and no , Yes because its showing that if your knocked down , you will always rise back up again and No because all revenge will do in the end is to keep crawling over the past instead of moving forward .

 What if the fact that those that have come out of the other side of domestic abuse already have the ultimate revenge?....

 

  It's the ultimate one because the survivor gets to live their life without any form of abuse thrown in their direction , they are free to enjoy their life. 

 The abuser will always remain the abuser regardless of who their next victim may be . They will brag about how fast and easy it was to replace their last one but we all know that going by their previous record the next one will wise up to being abused and then take the road to freedom ....the abuser then gets to start all over yet again .

  Survivors have their freedom to be true to themselves but the abuser will never be able to find that kind of inner peace because their minds are just wired up differently , they for whatever reason have a deep rooted insecurity and will never be fully relaxed and calm in their own space .

  Yes , absolutely I think I may of discovered the best way to take my own personal revenge and that's to remain being my true positive self  and its something any one else can do too . Being strong on the inside can be the equivalent of an ultimate super power and that super power can over ride absolutly anything that's chucked or blown in your direction .That deep rooted invincible inner super power can be mightier than any grip an abuser thinks they have over someone. Its stronger than any WWE wrestling champion and faster than Superman on a high , it can be totally invisable to the naked eye but the end results can still be seen and it can be as silent as a bird in flight .  Everyone has it and its down to the individual when and how its used .

   Never doubt that inner strengh and yes there may be times you think you may of lost it but I promise you it will always be there tucked up all safe and sound for when you really need it .

  

  

   

   

 

Fairytales and make believe .

 

Just like all good classic Fairytales and childhood stories, domestic abuse has their own unique forms of big bad mean nasty villains........

There is a beautiful story by Hans Christian Anderson called The Snow Queen and if you've never had the joy of reading it then I fully suggest you do . 

   There's an bad little troll who decides to make a magical mirror and this mirror somehow can only show in its reflections all the bad and ugly it sees ( basically it's only reflecting the negative and never the positive) . The troll decides his mirror needs to be shared around so its taken to many differant places . Its whilst it's on its travels that it gets dropped sending thousands of tiny pieces of itself everywhere , if you were unfortunate enough to  get a piece attached to yourself then you would become just like the original mirror.  Now I've just explained the very basics to the fairytale, but what if all the domestic abusers of this world are the fault of that one mirror ?.... 🤔

O.K ,  maybe that's an extremely weak and feeble excuse for their actions but wouldn't it be amazing if just like in the story love and kindness conquered over evil and everything ended happily ever after ?....

 An extremly large case of wishful thinking I know, but what that little tale does show is that being strongly positive can be the toughest weapon anyone can have and that you should never give up .

   February has just begun here in England and if you listern really carefully the birds are just begining to show off on the morning with their singing , on a really good day you can even feel a little bit of warmth from the sun on your face and Spring plants are slowly starting to stretch their way up out of the soil  . Waking up each and every day now is full of surprises and it never ceases to amaze me that good old Mother Nature can still produce her magic no matter how dark and gloomy things once were .

  Domestic abuse is like living through the toughest bleakest coldest winter imaginable , every single day can be overtaken with the most darkest unforgiving clouds and you begin to forget how bright things used to be . It's the equivalent of that spiteful ugly mirror in that fairytale story , it contains only the bad bitter evil things and only seems to reflect nothing but total negativity . Those evil sharp shards of mirror will try to do their very best to attack all your positivity and turn it into even more unneeded and unwanted morbid doom and gloom .   

  Carrying the overbearing heavy burden of domestic abuse can become soul destroying and heart breaking . How to beat the feelings of oppressive heavy  dark clouds or over power those painful pieces of mirror is an individual thing but yes of course it can be done ( I certainly wouldn't be writting any of these posts if it couldn't be ) . 

It's all about reclaiming what was once yours and by that I mean your all too valuable life .  Just like those very early first signs of growth from hibernating plants , it's the waking up and reaching out that starts all the getting stronger stuff  .

Positivity can be a highly powerful thing and anyone can use it when things all seems low .  It's not about the rain in life but the beautiful rainbow that you may get from it that really counts .  Thinking optimistic positive thoughts can be done absolutely anywhere at anytime and the bonus is it doesn't cost anything to do !!

 As I'm looking out of my window today and enjoying my first morning cup of tea I can see there's a possible chance the sun might break through the clouds so I fully intend to take that as my first positive sign of the day and go out and start the Spring clear up in the garden so those first emerging stalks of fresh life can have some space to grow .

   Domestic abuse survivors are just like those plants in my garden , first comes the waking up from dark abusive nightmare and then the reaching out for the sunlight begins . Each and every day of that new found freedom makes the survivor stronger , and its that positive strength that keeps you going forward . Once you get your freedom and the growth begins the rest of your life will be under only one person's control and that one single person will be you !!  Don't ever stop believing you can't do something before you even try it , life can actually be quite good fun and my advice will always be why not give it a go .

    Try turning those odd random negative thoughts into positive ones , it was never you that had one of those rough and sharp pieces  of mirror from the story at the beginning of this post stuck on you  , it was your abuser and they can continue on their path of destructive behaviour without you .   Personally I know my now abusive ex is still doing his thing somewhere out there to someone else but as long as it doesn't envolve me I don't care , my life now is a massive major improvement and anyone else that's either gone through the giant domestic abusive cement mixer or are still going around inside of it just never forget that it's your life and your future so if you don't like the road it's taking then why not just simply pick a new one to travel on instead . 

   On my travels along my positive road in life I like to scatter my positivity all around just like the wild flower seeds in my garden , it doesn't matter where they all go just as long as it grows and then self- seeds all around  and I'm sharing some around today to whoever may read it . 

If you find some positivity today why not pass it on just like those seeds  ?........

 

 

  

  

  

   

  

    

   

   

  

  

  

  

   

Mission Not-so impossible.

 

 

After my over extended period of emotional and mental domestic abuse I'm now a firm believer that nothing is impossible....

 I've already written about how it all began and fragments of events in previous posts so I won't bore everyone with repeating myself ( I do far too much of that sort of thing as it is ) , but the part that I will go over yet again is the breaking away from it .

  

 Domestic abuse in any of its various forms can feel like all the time you're living through it impossible to escape from , when the relationship first started everything seemed perfectly normal but gradually over time the person who you first thought was your perfect Mr/Mrs wonderful turns out to be the equivalent of Frankinstiens monster and the beautiful red roses loving sent with hearts and kisses turn out to have evil nasty sharp thorns attached .

  One day you start to notice that maybe just maybe things aren't quite what they should be . You look around and start to notice that other couples don't appear to have a master controller, but instead they both work as a team . You then start becoming more observant about how other couples treat each other and the respect they give . 

  All this starts the begining of that moment where you wake up one day and realise that the life your living isn't a normal one . It can happen instantly or slowly like a leaky waterpipe but it's that final waking up of " I can't do this s£%t anymore " moment that can start the whole great escape .  

  The totally mixed up feelings of knowing what you have to do are always edged with a little bit of fear but that's only because you find yourself doubting your own actions and because you've successfully been brain washed into believing you only have one half functioning brain cell . That fear of the unknown will get used by the abuser to try to keep you where they think you should belong but that's only their own personal insecurities going into overdrive  .

  Once that seed of reality gets planted deep inside and it starts to grow the more stronger you will become and you start to rediscover that actually your a pretty bloody brilliant kind of person really . 

   I remember well that feeling of when the overwhelming weight of domestic abuse began to lift away and that feeling of final freedom is something I will never forget .

  Yes , there will be a very good chance that your captor may not like your actions but don't ever let that stop you being a free person , they will try everything from tears to anger to try to keep you where they want you to be but if your lucky and find your door of your abusive cage wide open then I suggest you keep on going through it before it snaps back shut again , trapping you back in for possibly endless years to come .

   Freedom..... it's what ever you want yours to be , once you reclaim your life back its then entirely up to you which direction you decide to travel . Ask for help from which ever groups are out there in whatvever country you may be in . Be fully prepared to be honest and open ( even if it means breaking down in front of complete strangers) , the people out there who can and will help are full of advice and guidance so why not use it .

  

   Scary maybe at the very begining but WOW !! it's the greatest journey an abused victim can ever take , it's a thing that only a survivor could really fully understand, I think . You start to notice all the silly little almost completely forgotten about things in life like how peaceful things can become without having to constantly watch your own back and being able to dress in what ever clothes you want or deciding randomly that you fancy a nice stroll around the local park just because you can and you know there's no one clock watching you ( or ringing to say " where the hell are you " as in my case ) .

  Freedom from domestic abuse is absolutely outstanding and that's exactly why I'm now doing what I'm doing by reaching out and supporting others , maybe I should as I've said before thank my now ex abuser because without the abuse given none of you wouldn't be reading any of this 🤔 .

 I'm here as living proof there is and can be life after domestic abuse and that yes escaping from it can be done if you really want it . It's well worth all the hassle and various phone calls made , late night cups of tea wondering what the hell to do next and the " OMG !..what the hell have I just done " moments . 

  Remember the childhood story written by Hans Christian Anderson about the ugly duckling and how it was once laughed at by others ? ....

  Well , why not be just like that Swan in the story and show everyone  just what an amazing brilliant beautiful person had been hidden away under the all too dark stormy clouds of domestic abuse . Why not take back the control of your own life , spread those perfect wings and then just take flight !!

  Seriously if you've not been one of the lucky ones like myself and many others then I fully suggest it as a consideration , life can be a tough enough battle sometimes without having to carry the burden of domestic abuse along with it . All those various groups and social media sites out there will act as the prefect safety net ready to catch you if you think your going to fall and they certainly wont ever judge or critize any mistakes made along the way .

  Why not make it your mission not- so -impossible to break away from what ever it may be that you feel is holding you back in life !!!!!!!!

 

  

  

   

  

  

  

   

  

  

  

  

    

  

More questions than answers .

 

Why do domestic abusers feel the need to do what they do ?....

  This is a question I've often sat down and given a lot of thought to and I think we all know the answer. 

 No, I can honestly say that I'm fairly positive its not a case of just being a miss-understood joke and the same goes for the abuser just feeling like it at the time because their always like it .

   The answer basically boils down to learnt behaviour be it from a parent , a grandparent,  an aunt , an uncle , an older sibling, or another major person in their life  .

  If the abuser spends all their growing up early years being witness to violence or intimidation, then in their mind it's a perfectly normal way to live , they think it's all fully excepable behavour and those that don't act that way surely must be the odd ones out in life .

    Domestic abusers all seem to come across as being privileged or fully entitled , they don't seem to comprehend that just because they may see something and want it , it doesn't mean to say that they can actually have it .

   Their problem of not getting what they want  when they want then becomes your problem because that's when the temper tantrums can start . When they were young it was all about them chucking themselves on the floor and the kicking and screaming would happen untill they got their own way , as they grew older and it all gets a little bit embarrassing to do the terrible 2 year old  toddler thing they then upgrade everything to verble , mental or even physical abuse .

   Do domestic abusers do what they do intentionally or on purpose ?....🤔

  Yes of course they do , it's all about having the ultimate power in their eyes and they don't seem to care who suffers in order for that to happen .

Could the abuser have some sort of disorder ?....🤔

Possibly in extreme rare cases but the end result is similar. The abuser gets a sort of high watching someone else being in a certain degree of pain be it physical or emotional. 

 Could the abuser have grown up being abused themselves ?....🤔

Again possibly , but then would that not be another form of learnt behavour .

Does the abuser have some sort of control issues ?....🤔

 

Trying to control someone's everyday actions through bullying or intimidation in my mind is still domestic abuse because I once lived through 28 years of it .

Granted the above questions could work as great excuses but to those that have either lived through it or are still struggling with it none of them are really good enough .

  I've yet to have a good enough reason given to me as to why its perfectly exceptional for one person to make a fellow persons life so terribly uncomfortable that the first person feels the need to end their life in some cases .

 Psychologist's , therapists and Councillor's can all sit with a domestic abuser trying to work out the reasons for their clients actions but would the abuser actually agree with their findings ?.....🤔

   No, I don't think so either because that would mean the abuser would then have to admit that they were wrong and that's something they will never do . 

  Can a domestic abuser ever change their ways ?......🤔

  It's been known to happen , but the abuser has to desperately want it happen in the first place and they need to have some understanding about why they need to change . 

  Domestic abusers are hard to work out at the best of times , there never really seems to be any rhyme or reason why they feel the need to do what they do to others.  

  Just because they have their own individual problems with trust , feeling insecure and feelings of jealousy it doesn't explain why they think it's OK to hurt another person .

  

  The abused victim learns to  deal with the abuse given  in many variouse ways . They will make numerous excuses  , stay quite if pressured for answers and go out of their way to try to keep the peace for as long as possible. 

  What makes a victim stay with their abuser ?....🤔

 There's endless reasons but it's basically down to believing your everything your told you must be .

 Having your confidence and self estemm drained , believing that your friends and family won't want to know you anymore and you start to believe that you can't survive without your abuser. 

   If all of the above were true then those of us who have escaped from our abusers wouldn't be around today trying to encourage others to make the same decision they once made . 

    

 Domestic abuse is a mysterious, complicated, and nonsensical subject . Common sense tells you to avoid anyone that could cause you any form of pain or discomfort but unfortunatly it can all become overridden by the heart .

  I've spent several years trying to delve into the darkness of an abusers mind but its full of illogical thoughts and actions . 

 I can't work out why a fully grown mature adult would possibly want to act like their throwing their dummy out of their pram because they can't get their own way and then when it's offered back they have to attempt to bite the hand that offers it back . 

   Everyone likes life going their way at some point but it's how you go about it that really counts .

 Even after writting all of this I'm still non the wiser as to what makes it alright to treat a fellow decent human being like a worthless possession , how can you possibly declare undying love to someone in one breath and then beat them till they fall down the next ?....🤔

   The answers I think I've found then lead to even more questions to ask which then only makes things even more complicated than it all was in the first place .

  One question I can most deffinatly 100% answer without any doubt is , is there a future after domestic abuse ?....🤔

      If there wasn't, then I would not be now leading a  happy , contented life and certainly would not be trying to reach out and offer help  to others . 

 

   

   

   

  

  

 

  

   

  

  

   

   

Movie night 🎬 .

 

It's scary Movie time folks so please find your seat , settle down with your popcorn , choose your drink and wait for the lights to go down........

Domestic abuse has been known to raise its ugly head even in the world of movies . Some are pretty good , some try but don't quite get there and some let's just say are better off being forgotten about through total lack of good research . 

It takes a very brave script writer and director to tackle anything to do with domestic abuse and an even braver actor or actress to take on the role . There's no 100% garrentee that any movie will bring in people through the door but especially any about domestic abuse so it needs the best out there in order for it to work and work well . 

Let's take a look a couple of these movies , the basic story line ( don't want to give the entire story away ) and how well i thought they portrayed domestic abuse .........

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The colour Purple , 1985 .

  Based on a novel by Alice Walker starring amoung others Whoopi Goldberg , Oprah Winfrey and Danny Glover .

   It's based around the story of Celie Harris an African/American girl who has to endure brutal treatment by her father and a forced marriage to a man she doesn't love and that abuses her.

  Time goes by and Celie grows into a strong independent woman , she learns to stand up for herself and she learns to forgive those that may of hurt her along the way .

  Personally I can't praise this book/movie high enough and I'm curious about the newly released musical version and hopefully it will carry across exactly the same message . 

  It's an extremely powerful and deeply moving story tackling many differant subjects that certainly raised a few eyebrows in its time . 

  Performances by all actors concerned make the whole story fully believable and at times tearful . This is a film I would strongly recommend anyone to watch if they need a glimps into to the struggles involved within a domestic abuse relationship. 

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  Sleeping with the enemy , 1991.

Based on a novel by Nancy Price starring Julia Roberts , Patrick Bergin and Kevin Anderson.

  The story revolves around Laura Burney who becomes married to Martin Boston , Martin is the classic confident caring husband to begin with , but as time progresses his true colours are slowly revealed , Laura soon finds herself being both physically and emotionally abused .

  Laura takes some desperate measures in order to escape her nightmare, but Martin isn't that far behind her which then leads to desperate measures .

  This film is an excellent example of showing the mental and emotional abuse one person can experience. It shows that taking that decision to break away can be done no matter what unexpectedly unpleasant events come your way.

  The actors involved played their characters extremly well , again I recommend this film for those that need to try to understand that domestic abuse isn't always physical but it can sometimes be emotional. 

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   The Waitress , 2007 .

 Written and directed by Adreinne Shelly . Starring Keri Russel , Nathan Fillion and Cheryl Hines .

   This is one of those films that tend to go under the radar of most movie watchers , it was discovered accidentally one night when sleep became almost impossible due to excessive summer heat one evening .

 The story spins around a Waitress called Jenna Hunterson , she works in a Diner and discovers she's unintentionally pregnant by her abusive husband. Jennas deep down wish is to just run away to reclaim her life back but unfortunatly her husband Earl has other ideas .  

She eventually gets brave and tells him she doesn't love him anymore and she wants a divorce. This then leads to further conflict with Earl who assaults her . Jenna finally manages to gain her and her baby's freedom and restart her life .

The storyline is maybe not the greatest one but the actors worked well with what they had and give a fair performance . Its watchable for the obvious factor that escape from any form of domestic abuse can happen. It maybe isn't as well known as the other two films and it may not have A list movie stars in it but it still a really good demonstration of never giving up and to keep on going . 

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  There's not a major list of domestic abuse based movies out there to interest others and yet again I find there's hardly anything about abuse against men but all the above can be related to both male and female abuse if needed , saying that though there is however an excellent outstanding documentary ( fully suggest Googling the gentleman's name ) .

  Its called Abused by my girlfriend .

This is the true real life story of Alex Skeel who survived a near fatal abusive relationship with his girlfriend involving extreme violence , control and mental torture , this is again something I fully recommend anyone to watch who needs to learn more about domestic abuse . It's a fantastic and extremely thought provoking example of how domestic abuse can effect men and how even under the greatest fear there can always be a way out , thankfully Alex managed to survive it all and is now sharing his story to help inspire others . 

 All of the above are just my own personal reviews and opinions about a few films that I feel show excellent examples of domestic abuse in all its many variouse ugly shapes and forms , they all of course have their own unique happy endings but those of us who have been there know that unfortunatly things don't always gave the classic fairy tale ending .

  Next time you find yourself sitting there flicking through those endless lists of television programmes , films and documentary's why not try and see if you can find one of them 🤔 . 

Please don't hesitate to share your own ideas on suggested viewing concerning domestic abuse , with so many different countries out there reading my posts I'm fairly positive there must be something as equally educational that will help encourage others .

 

 

  

  

   

  

  

   

Interesting or not 🤔

 

Domestic abuse , interesting subject or not that is the question ? .....

 Today, I had one of those conversations where you had to use every single grain of patience a person can produce . 

 The other person involved should have considered themselves extremely lucky to have gotten off so lightly because I'm not so convinced another fellow abuse survivor would have been nearly as polite as I was about it and having been brought up to always have good manners this person should have been grateful that I didn't use the extended dictionary of swear words that I know .

 What annoyed this normally passive mild-mannered positive thinker I hear you ask ? .....

  It was this comment " I don't believe in domestic abuse. It's just people arguing.".

  Now, this one realitive, ignorant, and harmless opinion was then promptly followed up with " if someone hits you, then you've probably deserved it anyway ." Now that really pushed the button for me so having taken a massive deep big breath to help calm myself down they were then kindly informed that this particular survivor had spent 28 despicable years having every move and breath taken controlled by someone else , arguments were only ever one sided ( not my side of course ) and that maybe just maybe before they open their mouths to speak next time about a subject they obviously know nothing about then perhaps they should visit the local library to do a bit of research to educate themselves first .

 Now what shocked this person first was the fact that even though I had sort of known them for a couple of years, they had no idea about that particular part of my life .

  Once the first initial shock had worn off , the conversation continued and a few questions were asked . I answered everything with my normal honesty I always use and as this person went to walk off their last comment was " it's more interesting than you think it is isn't it ".

  That's exactly why I now choose to post stuff on here and in various other places . People who have never had to deal with it have no idea at all just how grim and misunderstood the whole thing is . It's not the world's most fascinating or intriguing subject but domestic abuse happens and that conversation I had prove's just how little others know about it .

 Here's a few random facts about it  .......

  2 women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales.

Women who experience domestic abuse

 are twice as likely to suffer from depression . 

40% of women who are made homeless state domestic abuse as being the cause of it .

It's estimated that 3 women a week die due to suicide caused by domestic abuse. 

18 men died due to the hands of their partner compared to 60 for a woman.

Is all the above interesting enough now ?...

Domestic abuse is never going to be the most intellectual subject to raise in a conversation , but maybe it should be . I'm fairly open about my past experiences and to be honest as I can as I've always said it's the biggest and most ugliest elephant in the room and yet some people still decide to ignore it in the silly vain hope that maybe it will all just  go away .

Guess what ? ....... it's never going to happen so why not open your eyes and see it for what it is .

  It's like I've said before in previous posts that no one knows better about domestic abuse than someone who has been there and has seen it . Unfortunately it looks like its down to myself and fellow survivors to help inform others and that includes all the nasty unpleasant parts of it . ignoring it or not wanting to deal with it isn't the right answer so I will continue on my path trying to raise the subject and sprinkle a little positivity on top whilst I'm at it .

 I know that people are looking and reading my posts which gives me the encouragement to keep on going with it all and I thank you for it .

  I could write down all the variouse and many help lines and groups in everyone's individual countries but I think I'd be there for ever and it still wouldn't make it a great conversion starter over a coffee with friends . If you ever decide to look the subject of domestic abuse up then you will see people like me or more random shocking figures and details that could out do any horror movie . I could include graphic details of fellow victims murders but then I think I would be removed and blocked from everywhere .

 

 For the time being at least domestic abuse will remain as it is , it will only become an interesting subject matter when things start to improve and people actually start to listern instead of trying to sweep it under the carpet like it never existed. Theres a good it's happening right now to someone out there somewhere and all of those that want to ignore it should maybe pay a visit to a refuge that try to help repair some of the damage caused because of it  . 

 Domestic abuse has been going on since caveman times and yet nothing has progressed forward that far when it comes to talking about it , you will be amazed at just how many people male or female are effected by it yet no one talks about it ... unbelievable isn't it .

  So I will just keep on in my belief that something might eventually change and I'll keep on going shouting about it in as many differant directions as I possibly can , would I be prepared to stand up in front of a load of unknown people to discuss it ?.....

       Too damn right I would !!!!!

 I won't ever let my story of domestic abuse and its recovery stop from getting out there and showing others that it can be survived and beaten  ..... this domestic abuse survivor isn't going anywhere  !!!!!!

 

Show your support .

 

Domestic abuse towards men should be dealt with and understood exactly the same way  .....

 I've recently spent a couple of evenings trying to find some decent info and images about abuse directed towards men and discovered with increasing intense frustration and saddess that unfortunatly it's almost an impossibility to find anything that's even vaguely useful .

   Go on try it ..... put in domestic abuse towards men in whatever search engine you're using and see what comes up .

There's endless groups and societies out there to help on the subject of domestic abuse but they are all mainly directed towards women or children ( both equally as important of course ) and that's extremely unfair to all the guys out there who have to deal with it and need the support .

    I feel overwhelming bewilderment that it's almost like because you're male, you should be able to just get on with life and cope with it all alone , but that's such a completely wrong attitude . Domestic abuse as I've said so many times is nothing but the elephant in the room when it comes to discussing the subject but when it comes to men needed to talk or wanting to talk about it , it then becomes almost an even bigger taboo subject matter . 

 I've already written a post previously about abused men before and yes I'm repeating a few things but it wasn't until I started looking a bit deeper into things that I realised just how utterly appalling it all is for them out there . 

 It doesn't matter if the abused victim is male or female the effects it has and the devastation it can cause to a person's life is still exactly the same thing so why can't they all be treated exactly the same way when its really needed ?.....

   Did you know that roughly 1 in 4 women are domestically abused and 1 in 6 to 7 men can suffer from it, too ?....

   Shocking isn't it , yet even though it's that many there still isn't nearly enough help or support out there for the men . Men believe it or not actually do have feelings and the after effects from domestic abuse are exactly the same as anyone else wrapped up in a similar position .  

  PTSD , depression , anxiety , and other mental health issues aren't just reserved for us ladies , just because the guys don't talk much about things doesn't mean to say that their not feeling anything . You can't really blame them if they put all the shutters down on their emotions , if they've either been brought up to " Man Up " on emotional stuff or they just have a serious case of male pride . It doesn't help that there's extremely very few places out there that they feel safe and can put their trust in to , in order for them to receive help and get treated the way they deserve to be treated .

   To all the guys out there who are or have gone through any form of domestic abuse please , please don't ever believe that no one cares because they do ( well , at least I do anyway ) . None of the abuse given out in your direction was ever your fault, and no, you most deffinatly didn't ask for any of it .  The mixed up feelings that you may have going on aren't crazy and no your not going mad , those manic thoughts are exactly the same as me and many other abused have had at some point .

    The only advice I can honestly offer is to never ever give up and just keep on looking, and hunting for those various groups out there that will listern to you . Some of the many differant domestic abuse social media groups out there allow both men and women to join ( I most certainly do on mine ) it should give those that follow which ever one that's decided upon the opportunity to reach out to talk to others without any discrimination given .

 

  So many Male domestic abuse victims seem to keep almost everything to themselves and you can hardly blame them for doing it , it shouldn't all be so one sided . As a domestically abused female survivor even I can see just how unfair and disheartening it all must be to try and go on with life feeling like you want to scream out loud but you think nobody wants to hear you . 

 I feel intensely strongly about any forms of domestic abuse but especially about male abuse , the more I research about it all the more frustrating it all becomes . I've yet to find a justified really good reason as to why there's a massive difference between men and women when it comes to receiving any form of help after abuse but unfortunatly there is .

    Domestic abuse can and does happen to absolutly anyone regardless of whatever sex , colour or religion a person may be , it's an enormously heavy burden to carry at the best of times but if there's no one out there to support and listern then it can all become over- powering and smothering , everyone should have exactly the same opportunities when it comes to help given and understanding when it's asked for  .

    I truly wish I could wave a magic wand all around and change how things are at the moment but meanwhile I shall continue standing up for and trying to do my best for all when it comes to domestic abuse , I will never stop reaching out to those that may need the support and as far as I'm concerned male , female, gay  or straight domestic abuse is still and always will be exactly the same thing . 

  As I mentioned at the start of all this trying to find any usable Male domestically abused images have proved to be extremely difficult so the images used are directed to all but the first one at the top of this post was made by myself so please feel free to use it in what ever way that's needed.

  

 

  

  

    

   

  

    

   

Feeling small .

 

 Domestic abuse is full of variouse acts of disrespect and humiliation.......

One of an abusers favourite things to go out of their way to make someone else feel almost non-existent , they don't care about how that other person might feel just as long as they think it makes them look bigger and better .

Now we all know that's a highly unpleasant way to treat someone else, but since when has a domestic abuser ever cared about what other people feel ?....

 The more humiliating and embarrassed they can make someone feel then the better it can make them feel . They don't care where they do it but normally, it's done in front of as many other people as possible in order to get the effect they want and they then gloat in other persons public humiliation .

   Belittling someone in order to make themselves look all big and superior is something I know about all too well , the " your fat , usless and ugly " comments were not just reserved for behind closed doors it could dished out on any random occasion that would give my now ex abuser the attention and satisfaction he craved . I've had it thrown at me in supermarkets , outside the school gate , in a church and numerous other places all without any care or thought on how just how devastating and humiliating it might of all been for me .

 

Some of the many many forms of humiliation , disrespect, and being made to feel smaller than a small thing are .......

  Compliments that were actually disguised as an insult .

Making sarcastic comments in order to demean or embarrass. 

Laughing at opinions , ideas, or actions in front of other people .

Saying things to undermine or insult .

Another persons achievements or any success totally dismissed or down played .

Cutting someone else off in mid sentence making it look like that the other person is talking utter rubbish .

The abuser then insults you even further by trying to say they " were only joking " in order to justify their actions which we all know is just a feeble excuse .

The abusers aim is complete embarrassment and awkwardness for the other person and unfortunately it's normally directed towards the latest poor victim who they happen to find themselves caught in their large sticky spider Web . 

 Being made to feel small can be completely soul destroying and it can crush any self-confidence a person may have . Abusers only thoughts are to make sure whoever they are with at the time feel totally belittled , weak and usless .

   Yes , you could try to defend yourself by reversing it all back to them but then the treatment can either get worse or the killer glare of " just wait till I get you back home " could happen , once that door is closed be prepared for revenge in which ever form they feel fits the crime .

 The big question is why does the abuser insist on doing what they do and is it all about just to make them feel better about themselves ?....

 Possibly , maybe , could be but to be honest it's anyone's guess . 

They must have a seriously low opinion of themselves if they feel the need to make someone else feel even smaller than they are or maybe they are just so bitter , twisted  and nasty that they actually believe its all perfectly normal and everyone does it .

  Maybe its all classic Napoleon Syndrome/complex/  ( my ex was about the same height as me but his character was weaker ) where they feel the need to over compensate all their social shortcomings and small character by being intimidating or aggressive towards others 🤔 ,

or it could just be that they are nothing but pathetic overgrown temper tantrum throwing 2 year olds who don't know how to behave themselves properly and they have no intention of ever growing up !

   OK , so you find yourself being made to feel small and inferior what's the next steps ?....

As I've just said you could try go do it back but there could be unfortunate consequences attached .

You could try turning all that negativity into a positive by using humour and just laugh it off ( but over time it can cease to be funny in any form and you run out of laughter ) .

  You could be brave and say it as it is , that you don't appreciate what's being said and there was no reason to say it ( but would the abuser get what your saying and would they stop doing it ?..)

Knowing what's meant as a genuine gone wrong joke and what's just offensive ( not always an easy job when it comes to abusers because they are so hood at what they do ). 

 Doing something is sometimes better than doing nothing so as your sat/stood there feeling like you just want to melt away 

 and you feel like all the eyes in the room are aimed in your direction and the person who is trying their best to make you feel not worthy of being is there then maybe you should start to consider if you really need this sort of treatment from someone who is supposed to care about you .

 Do you really need your confidence getting a battering every time you are near other people within hearing and when does a " joke " stop bring a joke ? ....

    Being positive is now one of my favourite occupation's and I'm one of the first to enjoy a really good laugh but if someone dares to crossover the line or decides their idea of fun is to belittle me and try to make me look worthless then they will not so polity get told exactly where to shove it with added swearing , this once suppressed , weak , scared to cause any trouble person now makes sure the person involved will only ever if they are really lucky get the opportunity to do it once .

  

  Domestic abusers hate anything or anyone that is stronger than they are ( haven't you noticed they always go for what they think are the weaker victims ? ) so why not show them just how strong you can be by changing your stars . 

   Your future is all down to what ever direction you decide to walk , Fate and its great friend destiny might have great plans for you .