Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Believe it .


O K , I'll admit it.... I enjoy all the J.K Rowling Harry Potter stuff but it also sets a good example about over coming the bad things in life.....

  Harry had things a bit tough from the very first book but he just kept on going and in each and every following book he grew stronger and stronger . Yes , he may just be a fictional character in a book/film but if you look into it there's a few similarities to domestic abuse. 

   Those dreaded nasty Dementors that try to suck all the joy out of someone are the equivalent of a domestic abuser , both have no sign of much of an inner soul, and both on a mission to make everyone miserable is a great example so why not check it out and you'll see what I mean .

   Everyone who reads these posts should all have worked out by now I am by very good fortune and grace a very natural positive kind of person and I try extremely hard to always look on the bright side of things , how can I do that after suffering all my what felt like endless years of abuse I hear you ask ?....

   That's one of the very few questions I'm constantly asking that I can answer , I flatly refuse to let what may of happened to me rule my life . My now ex abuser no longer rules my very existence anymore so why should he rule my new found freedom . 


 I will not allow myself to wallow in any form of self pity or drown in yesterday's memories ( I will never forget what happen but I dont have to relive it everyday  ) and I most deffinatly won't tolerate any forms of bulling or abuse to others if I see it happening anywhere now .

    It's been several years now since I made my decision to leap to my freedom and it's most deffinatly not only one of the best decisions I've ever made but also one I shall never regret making , I now speak about it everyone and anyone who wants to listern and yes absolutly I most certainly would stand up in front of a crowd of total strangers and talk about it if asked .  I am not and never will be ashamed or embarrassed about my past and now veiw it all as a major serious lesson in life .

  What started as a bit of a selfish thing at the start in writting my story of domestic abuse  down somewhere , it's now grown in its own strength. It's given me therapy and counselling without the expense and oh boy ! the boost of confidence it's given is better than any tablet the doctor could prescribe . I truly hope that those that read any or all of my posts gain at least a small something from them .


   If you have unfortunatly found yourself entrapped in your own version of abuse and feel that you just dont know what to do or which direction to turn to then never forget it all needs to start with you , only you can make that first all important decision and its only you that can start that snowball rolling . After that first call or Email things get a lot easier and regardless of what you may of been told yes you are important and yes you do matter .

    I remember my  first call and the nerves that went with it , I had spent so long believing what I was once told that I was usless that it came as quite a shock to discover I actually wasn't and that the family and friends I thought had given up on me hadn't and as soon as they heard about my escape they soon all started reappearing again much to my delight .

   I know I've said similar things before or even repeated myself ( I do that a lot I know ) but untill my dying day I will never stop doing it because that's how important it all is to me , domestic abuse in all its foul forms will never stop in my life time but at least maybe I'll  make a little bit of a dent in it somewhere along the line to weaken it . Those that domestically abuse don't need anyones sympathy , help  or understanding because as adults they should know already that the sort of actions they make towards others is not the right way someone should behave ( they should have grown out of the terrible two's by now don't you think 🤔 ) .

  The Survivors of domestic abuse discover that they can grow far more stronger and greater than their abusers , they have the power to complety ruin all the plans and schemes made by them  and then they can just walk ( or run ) away with their heads held high , those that abuse never get to have or use that sort of power and that's all due to them never admitting to their own mistakes or except they were wrong .That almighty great power is called self belief and once you get that then you can become almost indestructible . 

    Today be proud of yourself , it doesn't matter if you're still bound up within the ropes of abuse , a survivor like myself , a sympathetic and understanding reader or even just a found by chance person everyone should think of at least one thing today that makes them proud of themselfs . Believing in yourself and everything you do is a great way to deal with life and I'm a firm believer that if you believe in something hard enough then maybe one day it will happen .  


  ⭐️  I wish I may , I wish I might , I wish upon a star tonight ....... May Domestic abuse eventually cease to exist  ⭐️
















Sunday, March 10, 2024

Happy Mother's day !

Today is Mothers Day here in England !!!!!!.....

   So to all my fellow mums out there who are going through domestic abuse or have like myself managed to survive it and come out the other side I hope you manage to successfully enjoy the day !!!! 🌺

   Being a mother whilst having to deal with any forms of domestic abuse isn't easy , it's a major juggling act of trying to give as much normality and peace as possible whilst dodging the abuse from somewhere else and keeping as much of it as possible hidden from small eyes . Those children that have witness any of it or any of its after effects tend to in some cases grow up thinking its all perfectly normal and every child's parents act like that .

  There is always of course those who with no fault of their own loose contact with their children because for whatever reason they are not given custody of the child/children or they have been drip feed over a period of time endless accusations and untruths which unfortunately they believe . So this post is totally dedicated to not only all mums but also those dads who have had to face their female abusers and managed to successfully keep their children .

    Being a parent isn't always the easy going thing but it's down to us to teach and show our children that there's always a right way to live instead of wrong and they in turn fingers crossed will pass it all down to their future children. 

  I tend to believe that the behaviour from a domestic abuser is learnt growing up , if that's all they've witnessed then that's all they know ( I certainly think that's the case with my now ex ) . If a child sees an adult throwing a temper tantrum to get their own way or having a violent crazy hissy fit and it gets the end expected result why can't they do it too ?....( 2yr olds not included because its all a part of their learning ) .

   I remember very well being taught by my mum when I was growing up to always have good manners , always be polite and to always show respect and this I'd like to think I've passed down to my children (they thankfully take more after me than their father ) , it's a parents responsibility to teach their children how to be a good person . Saying please or thank you should come naturally but not to those that abuse , they say it but through gritted teeth or with a sarcastic smile to go along with it and never is it meant the way it should be .

   It's completely up to the individual parent but showing the next future generation good life lessons is entirely up to the adults living that life now , it's was never meant to be an easy life because if it was like that then it wouldn't take so long to live it but we can at least make that journey a little bit easier for them .

   Yes , there are many amazing Fathers , Aunts , Foster parents , Adoptive parents, older brothers or sisters who stand in to be a " mother figure " and they do an outstanding job so they too should never be forgotton on a day like today , why not simply give them a call , a text or a visit to remind them that you appreciate everthing they have done .

     This mother's day ( or any other day come to  think of it ) never forget who it was that brought you into this crazy world , who it was that first held you in their arms and who will always be your mother no matter what you may decide to do in your life .

  I don't and won't ever pretend to be the worlds greatest mother because I know I'm not but I'd like to think I've not done a bad job considering what I've had to deal with , no-one gets a guide book when a child is born ( apart from the obvious baby books ) , every single child is completely different and a unique individual so it's down to what ever that child is taught by their parents .

   If you don't want that spoilt little rude beast as a child then it's up to you to prevent it and if you don't want that child to become just like their abusive parent then it's your responsibility to prevent it the best way you can .

  Granted all of the above may sound easy and please believe me when I say it isn't but just because it isn't always that simple doesn't mean to say you can't try , without any guidance that child could turn completely wild with no care or thought for others around them . The domestic abusers of this world are all great examples of exactly what you wouldn't want your child to be like . I don't know about everyone else but I most deffinatly don't want to be my children's bad excuse when they have grown up as to why they feel the need or want to lash out or threaten someone else .

  Every photo used today are my own and all grown in my garden , some from seed , some from cuttings and some brought but all are what they are because of the care I have put into raising and growing them . I've taken that responsibility to grow them and they in turn have repaided me ( and all the variouse insects and bee's) by blooming with all their various glorious colours in order for me to sit back with my usual cup of tea to enjoy the show . 


   Your children are just like those flowers in my garden , they need your help and constant guidance in order to become that perfect , strong beautiful flower that you want them to be ......











Have no regrets.

       Domestic abuse is just like walking in a mine field ,  you never  know exacly when the next explosion could happen and it's alway...