12 days of Christmas.

Everyone knows of the twelve days of Christmas but this is my domestic abuser version .........

                 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.....A filthy look thrown at me .

                            🎶 🎶 🎶

On the second day of Christmas  my true love gave to me...... 2 Sarcastic Comments                             and a filthy look thrown at me.

                           🎶 🎶 🎶

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...... 3 spiteful words

                            2 sarcastic comments

                       and a filthy look thrown at me .

                           🎶 🎶 🎶

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...... 4 temper tantrums

                            3 spiteful words 

                            2 sarcastic comments 

                         and a filthy look thrown at me. 

                            🎶 🎶 🎶

On the fifth day of Christmas,  my true love gave to me......5 sleepless nights

                           4 temper tantrums 

                           3 spiteful words 

                           2 sarcastic comments 

                        and a filthy look thrown at me. 

                              🎶 🎶 🎶

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ......6 painful bruises 

                            5 sleepness nights

                            4 temper tantrums 

                            3 spiteful words 

                            2 sarcastic comments 

                        and a filthy look thrown at me. 

                              🎶 🎶 🎶

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me......7 separate blackeyes

                          6 painful bruises

                          5 sleepless nights 

                          4 temper tantrums 

                          3 spiteful words 

                          2 sarcastic comments 

                        and a filthy look thrown at me. 

                             🎶 🎶 🎶

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me......8 depression days

                           7 separate blackeyes 

                           6 painful bruises 

                           5 sleepless nights

                           4 temper tantrums 

                           3 spiteful words 

                           2 sarcastic comments 

                        and a filthy look thrown at me. 

                             🎶 🎶 🎶

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me......9 not seeing family days

                           8 depression days

                           7 separate blackeyes 

                           6 painful bruises 

                           5 sleepless nights 

                           4 temper tantrums 

                           3 spiteful words 

                           2 sarcastic comments 

                       and a filthy look thrown at me. 

                               🎶 🎶 🎶

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave me.......10 helpful phone calls

                         9 not seeing family days 

                         8 depression days

                         7 separate blackeyes 

                         6 painful bruises 

                         5 sleepless nights 

                         4 temper tantrums 

                         3 spiteful words 

                         2 sarcastic comments 

                       and a filthy look thrown at me. 

                                 🎶 🎶 🎶

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me......11 days of secret planning

                           10 helpful phonecalls

                            9 not seeing family days

                            8 depression days

                            7 separate blackeyes 

                            6 painful bruises 

                            5 sleepless nights 

                            4 temper tantrums 

                            3 spiteful words 

                            2 sarcastic comments 

                      and a filthy look thrown at me. 

                               🎶 🎶 🎶

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me......12 days of blissful freedom 

                           11 days of secret planning 

                           10 helpful phonecalls

                             9 not seeing family days

                             8 depression days

                             7 separate blackeyes 

                             6 painful bruises 

                             5 sleepless nights 

                             4 temper tantrums 

                             3 spiteful words 

                             2 sarcastic comments 

                        and a filthy look thrown at me. 

           

                 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

     

  The above shows just how quickly domestic abuse can creep up and then escalate when you least expect it , it also proves that all it takes is a few phone calls and a load of trust to break away from it .

 Christmas time can be a dark place for those on a domestically abusive relationship , there's not a lot of joy to the world or Silent nights but there is a mass of uncalled for and unneeded physical or emotional abuse attached . Instead of a time of year where wonderful memories can be made there can be nothing but fear , abusers seem to like ruining everyone elses fun and for some strange and unknown  reason, and they can't seem to cope  watching others enjoying themselves. I've never really worked out why they have to do what they do but having had to deal with more than my fair share of miserable Christmases I can  fully sympathise with those that still have to put up with it all .

If your one of those still ploughing your way through a bad abusive relationship why not make it your new years resolution to leave that life behind and start again ? It may not be simplistic or easy at times but I can garrentee life will become a brighter, better place if you give it a chance . 

  There's some amazing groups out there who will listern and never judge you they can guide  you at your own pace without rushing you . Never be afraid to ask for help ,  it's that first step that's the most scary part and then after that it can  get easier as time goes by .  

I remember that first morning after I had informed my now ex I wasn't going to put up with his appalling behavour anymore and that he was told to go before the police got informed of his actions , granted it didn't go down that well at the time but I refused to back down like I always used to .  I woke up that morning feeling like I had lost the dark unforgiving cloud that had been following me around for years , my smile had returned and most importantly that feeling of regaining my sanity and freedom felt outstanding !!!!!   I knew there was a lot to sort out and that a certain person wasn't ever going to go quietly but now my head was becoming clearer and the fog had been lifted I knew there was no stopping me and in fact I even supprised myself with how I wasn't as stupid as I was lead to believe I once was .

 Freedom from domestic abuse isn't something that you can tell someone else to do because they have to be ready to do it in their own time without being pushed to take that jump . It can take a couple of weeks or like in my case years but when that person wakes up like I did then be ready to be that much needed and trusted friend . 

 As I've mentioned endlessly on almost every post I can be found on Facebook , Instagram , Quora,  Threads and X . If your not ready to trust or talk to someone but just need to scream , shout or swear then just find my Blog email in my profile ( all communication 100% confidential) . 

  

  

 

                           

Love and marriage.

 

9

Does marriage make a relationship?.......

Personally no , I dont think it does , I fully believe its what you put into it that really counts .

A lot of domestic abusers seem to have the totally strange notion that giving a ring be it an engagment or wedding to someone else means they then now own you , in fact my now ex had the not so bright idea of maybe getting " property of "engraved in my ring ( thankfully never happened) .

  Marriage can be a most wonderful thing and in some cases it works beautifully and in some it sort of just doesn't but when it comes to domestic abuse its the equivalent of being given a life sentence .

 I've never been completely sure why someone would feel the desire to actually think that they have the right to own someone and considering that person is supposed to love you it then makes no sense at all.  I've got absolutely nothing against people getting married or marriage in general. The older I get I now except more that its proberly something I've just not got round to but life is always full of surprises so I now just say never say never .

 Being in a domestic abusive relationship married or not still isn't a great place to be and an abuser won't stop just because you may of agreed to marry them . To a certain point leaving or escaping from an abuser is pretty much the same married or not ( granted having children can complicate things a little bit ) but with enough inner strengh it can always be achieved eventually and the impossible dream can then become possible. 

I've been to many weddings over the years and  some have unfortunately not worked out and some are as true as the vows taken even after many years , some have been major grand affairs costing mega amounts of money and some have been simple quite events with just close family , in my mind it's not about how much money thats spent , whose invited or how expensive the dress might cost but its more about the couple who are standing there at the time . In all cases anyone getting married should do it because they want to and not because someone else wants them to . 

Like I said It's just my own personal view on things and everyone has their own opinions on it , as the late great W.C Fields once said " marriage  is a great institution,  but I'm not ready to in one of those places yet !"  and maybe its not such a bad way to think when dealing with someone whose domestically abusing you 🤔 .

  I may of agreed at the time I was asked to get engaged  but I have to admit I'm extremly pleased I never did get married to him ( I should have seen the warning sign when within seconds of getting my ring I was promptly handed the receipt for it 🚩) .

 It wasn't that many years ago that couples were expected to marry young and regardless of what ever went on behind closed doors they were supposed keep on going with it ,  divorce was considered bad and it was never an easy or cheap option , domestic abuse or not you still had to just keep on going . I actually once knew of a couple that were married well before World War 2 broke out and then both ending up hating each other whilst still living together for years untill finally the husband died ,  turned out he had been emotionally abusive for all those years but the wife never said a word to anyone untill his funeral . Using her words " am I too old to get a toyboy now " ( she was 89 at the time ) she happily lived her final years laughing and loving her life ( and I dedicate this post to that phenomenal woman ) .  

Could you have tolerated living a life like the lady above ?...

No I don't think I could of either . She believed that when she said " for richer and for poorer " and " till death do us part " it was for the rest if her life and she kept true to her words .  

   Nowadays it's all a lot easier , people can live together for years without ever getting married and they still show the same commitment to each other . Domestic abuse can still happen but just like in my case there was no messy court case or divorce to deal with and I never had the nightmare of still having to carry my abusers surname ( my children still have it but I can live with that ) .  Relationships married or not need a bit of work sometimes and all couples have their disagreements occasionally but if domestic abuse is involved then that can completely change how things work because no matter how hard you try to make things work you can still feel like your getting no where fast .

  The Key to life is to be always true to yourself , if something in the back of your mind says that something doesn't feel quite right then don't do it and never forget you only ever get to live one life so why not make the most of it , there is only one person on this earth who is allowed to control your every breath and that's yourself , make those mistakes and then learn from them . Never be afraid to have your own personal opinion on things , Its something everyone should do and then if someone else doesn't like it then why not simply just agree to disagree . 

  If you wake up one morning thinking like I did a few years ago that you can't keep going in the nightmare of domestic abuse then it's entirely up to you when it comes to unlocking that door to freedom , it's only you that can make that final decision to open that door.....