Friday, August 25, 2023
Why ? I have absolutely no idea but their entire life is full to the brim with it and they never hesitate to share it all around , they have to be the most negative thinking group of people there are in this world .
For some strange and very obscure reason the narcissist/abusers of this world all seem to enjoy all the negativity that they share , its a totally crazy way to a live a life but they all seem to really enjoy doing it .
Why ? .....
Well that's yet another question on the great list of unanswered questions to do with why they do what they do , we can only guess .
The day might start with glorious sunshine to everyone else but to them it just means yet another hot sweaty horrible day , there could be the sound of children somewhere just simply laughing and playing in a near by garden but no in an abusers mind their just completly ruining the day by making an uncalled for annoying noise .
Oppressive over powering darkness is something that seems to just ooze out of an abusers every single pore of their body , they thrive on it and seem to recharge themselfs with it . Is it learnt behavour from their parents ?....
I don't know for sure but I think it was possibly the case for my now ex .
If you've been reading any of my crazy rambling words you would of properly worked out that I'm a extremly annoying optimistic thinking kind of person and thankfully my children have inherited my positive way of looking at life instead of their fathers ( again learnt behaviour possibly 🤔 ) , they don't feel the need to drain other people's lives with negativity or darkness .
Darkness from an abuser is like a smothering overbearing suffercating foggy sort of feeling , it is the most foulest place to be in when their in the wrong kind of mood . Every single day is the equivalent to the end of the world with some abusers and they seem to love nothing more than sharing that darkness around untill everyone else is drowning in it . I could understand it if they had lived through something intensely dramatic to possibly make them that way but no they just seem to be that way evey single day from the minute they wake up .
Abusive people as I've said before seem to need to feel the whole world is against them and rarely just do happy because its fun and enjoyable , random inplusive last minute decisions are again rarely made because that in their minds could mean all sorts of pretentional hazardous possibilities for them to find themselves in ( meaning they might actually end up enjoying themselfs ) . If they stop and realise that they might be doing some thing that was just simply good fun , you know what the atmosphere at home will eventually be like because they will need to recharge their darkness by doing something negative .
I'm now thankfully away from the darkness that I once spent 28yrs living through , my life isnt always perfect and I still on a really bad day can feel that nasty depression trying to creep back in and cover me with its blanket of negativity but I've learnt over time to allow myself a brief moment with it instead of trying to battle against it and then when I think its had enough time to fester I just simply find something more positive to take its place ( even if it means I'm getting soaking wet and freezing cold just walking the dog ) .
My days are now spent enjoying each and every single moment because I totally refuse to waste anymore of my valuable years on this earth being controlled by a person that doesn't deserve my time or affection so there's no more being orded and covered by the overpowering darkness of someone else . My life is far too short and special to not be happy and enjoy simply just breathing and I fully intend to live it all my way .
The photos used at the begining and the very end of this were both taken by myself after having yet another one of those crazy unexpected random thoughts to pay a visit to the coast and it certainly was far too warm not to take advantage of the sea in the second picture .
Yes it all ended up being g a more than a slightly rather soggy expeence but skin's waterproof and my clothes all dried out quickly enough , it's most certainly something I could never have thought of doing with my ex abuser 😊 .
Escaping from any narcissist/ abuser isn't a quick and simple thing to do and I would be lying if I said it was . It takes a very brave person to stand up and say " enough os enough ! " to whoever it is that may be abusing them , that person then needs to put their total trust in others to help point them in various differant directions but after a while it does all seem to start making sense and life starts to become worth living again .
Darkness can be driven out and the light will then take over , it can be done because I've done it , lived it and survived it and so can anyone else regardless of what they may of been told . As I've said many times before an abuser needs you much more than you will ever need them and yes you can live your life quite happily without them .
Only ever let one person in your life try to control your own existence and let that person be you !!
Let that sunshine in !!!!!
Sunday, August 20, 2023
Domestic abuse can be the most saddest and lonely place to be but it doesn't have to be forever.........
Victims of domestic abuse can sometimes find themselves surrounded by many people on the outside world but behind their own front door at home they are all very much alone and that feeling all stems from just one person....the domestic abuser.
Abuse normally as a rule only seems to happen when there's no-one else around to witness it ( yes it can happen in public but very rarely ) , the whole experience is normally strictly reserved for private viewing only .
Those that domestically abuse know exactly what their doing and the effects it can leave behind , there is no point in them doing everything they do for the whole world to see it because that would then mean that everyone would then see the real person that they are and not the perfect person they want to portray themselves to be .
They can very successfully manage to only create bruises where they can't be seen or if one of them is too obvious to hide then they expect various excuses to be created to explain their existence and cover their appalling actions ( normally the victim will accused of being extremly accident prone) .
Narcissists , Abusers call them what you like they are all pretty much one and the same thing and they all do very similar things . They all seem to act like they have reverted back to being an extremly differcult , spoilt , demanding little annoying 3 year old child that can have total major temper tantrums at any given opportunity because life is being extremly unfair to them and its not going their own way .
They will scream , shout , sulk and lash out verbally or physically over the most silliest and smallest of things untill in their minds they get what ever it was that they wanted . The craziest and weirdest bit is just when you think that peace has returned once again because you've given in to what ever it was they demanded they then decide to move the goal posts even further apart and they then want something else instead so everything just all starts again !
I remember those days all too well , never knowing what the day could bring or what ever the next explosion moment could be about .
You spend your days walking very carefully over extremly delicate fragile thin ice untill it becomes a sort of daily ritual and even then you can never really predict when that ice will begin to start cracking .
The above is exactly what I did several years ago , one morning after waking up and having my customary first cup of tea of the day I had my very own personal version of a light bulb moment and I decided there was only two possible ways my then dismal sad little life could go on and I wasnt quiet ready to give up on living it just yet so I choose the second option of stopping , counting to ten and then starting all over again .
Oh wow !! It certainly has to be one of my better decisions made in life !! 😊
Life now is pretty much the way it should be , there's no one trying to rule my very existence and every single move I make . I now get to do whatever I want to do ( even if it doesn't always go the way it should ) .
A good example is... yesterday's great random inplusive last minute decision was to spend the afternoon at the coast just doing all the normal classic seaside kind of stuff ( as the photo's taken by myself and used on this particular post prove ) .
So what if I've wasted a silly amount of money on those machines you put the coins in to win cheap plastic things from , so what if I collected yet another pebble to go with my large collection in the garden and so what if I enjoyed delicious good old English traditional fish and chips whilst sitting at the edge of the beach just watching the tide go in and out ....it was an absolutely perfect peaceful way to finish a great day 😊 .
Escaping and breaking away from those that insist on abusing others isn't always easy but trust me it's all well worth it in the end if you feel brave and strong enough .
I'm under no doubt that if your being abused and your reading all or any of my rambling posts you might be thinking to yourself " no way could I ever do something like that " then I'm sorry but you're wrong , yes of course you can do it and yes of course you can get the same sort of peaceful happy ever after that you so rightly deserve .
There is only one person ultimately stopping you from taking that first all important first step forward to a new exciting chapter in your life and that's you !!!
Granted yes it can be a major seriously scary decision to make but it's what the end result can be that's the most important thing ..... and thats your freedom .
I will never be able to put into enough words just how totally phenomenal that feeling of freedom can be after you excape , you find yourself walking around with a perminate smile on your face for no apprent reason and other people notice your inner shine has returned to where it belongs .
So today why not make it your mission ( if you choose to except it ) that if something or someone makes you feel sad , lonely or even annoyed......just stop !!.... Count to ten then start all over again .
I did it and so can you !!! 😊
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