Mystoryofdomesticabuse.de

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Movie night 🎬 .

 






It's scary Movie time folks so please find your seat , settle down with your popcorn , choose your drink and wait for the lights to go down........


Domestic abuse has been known to raise its ugly head even in the world of movies . Some are pretty good , some try but don't quite get there and some let's just say are better off being forgotten about through total lack of good research . 
It takes a very brave script writer and director to tackle anything to do with domestic abuse and an even braver actor or actress to take on the role . There's no 100% garrentee that any movie will bring in people through the door but especially any about domestic abuse so it needs the best out there in order for it to work and work well . 

Let's take a look a couple of these movies , the basic story line ( don't want to give the entire story away ) and how well i thought they portrayed domestic abuse .........


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The colour Purple , 1985 .




  Based on a novel by Alice Walker starring amoung others Whoopi Goldberg , Oprah Winfrey and Danny Glover .

   It's based around the story of Celie Harris an African/American girl who has to endure brutal treatment by her father and a forced marriage to a man she doesn't love and that abuses her.

  Time goes by and Celie grows into a strong independent woman , she learns to stand up for herself and she learns to forgive those that may of hurt her along the way .

  Personally I can't praise this book/movie high enough and I'm curious about the newly released musical version and hopefully it will carry across exactly the same message . 

  It's an extremely powerful and deeply moving story tackling many differant subjects that certainly raised a few eyebrows in its time . 

  Performances by all actors concerned make the whole story fully believable and at times tearful . This is a film I would strongly recommend anyone to watch if they need a glimps into to the struggles involved within a domestic abuse relationship. 


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  Sleeping with the enemy , 1991.




Based on a novel by Nancy Price starring Julia Roberts , Patrick Bergin and Kevin Anderson.

  The story revolves around Laura Burney who becomes married to Martin Boston , Martin is the classic confident caring husband to begin with , but as time progresses his true colours are slowly revealed , Laura soon finds herself being both physically and emotionally abused .

  Laura takes some desperate measures in order to escape her nightmare, but Martin isn't that far behind her which then leads to desperate measures .

  This film is an excellent example of showing the mental and emotional abuse one person can experience. It shows that taking that decision to break away can be done no matter what unexpectedly unpleasant events come your way.

  The actors involved played their characters extremly well , again I recommend this film for those that need to try to understand that domestic abuse isn't always physical but it can sometimes be emotional. 


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   The Waitress , 2007 .


 Written and directed by Adreinne Shelly . Starring Keri Russel , Nathan Fillion and Cheryl Hines .

   This is one of those films that tend to go under the radar of most movie watchers , it was discovered accidentally one night when sleep became almost impossible due to excessive summer heat one evening .

 The story spins around a Waitress called Jenna Hunterson , she works in a Diner and discovers she's unintentionally pregnant by her abusive husband. Jennas deep down wish is to just run away to reclaim her life back but unfortunatly her husband Earl has other ideas .  

She eventually gets brave and tells him she doesn't love him anymore and she wants a divorce. This then leads to further conflict with Earl who assaults her . Jenna finally manages to gain her and her baby's freedom and restart her life .

The storyline is maybe not the greatest one but the actors worked well with what they had and give a fair performance . Its watchable for the obvious factor that escape from any form of domestic abuse can happen. It maybe isn't as well known as the other two films and it may not have A list movie stars in it but it still a really good demonstration of never giving up and to keep on going . 


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  There's not a major list of domestic abuse based movies out there to interest others and yet again I find there's hardly anything about abuse against men but all the above can be related to both male and female abuse if needed , saying that though there is however an excellent outstanding documentary ( fully suggest Googling the gentleman's name ) .

  Its called Abused by my girlfriend .





This is the true real life story of Alex Skeel who survived a near fatal abusive relationship with his girlfriend involving extreme violence , control and mental torture , this is again something I fully recommend anyone to watch who needs to learn more about domestic abuse . It's a fantastic and extremely thought provoking example of how domestic abuse can effect men and how even under the greatest fear there can always be a way out , thankfully Alex managed to survive it all and is now sharing his story to help inspire others . 

 All of the above are just my own personal reviews and opinions about a few films that I feel show excellent examples of domestic abuse in all its many variouse ugly shapes and forms , they all of course have their own unique happy endings but those of us who have been there know that unfortunatly things don't always gave the classic fairy tale ending .

  Next time you find yourself sitting there flicking through those endless lists of television programmes , films and documentary's why not try and see if you can find one of them 🤔 . 

Please don't hesitate to share your own ideas on suggested viewing concerning domestic abuse , with so many different countries out there reading my posts I'm fairly positive there must be something as equally educational that will help encourage others .









 




 


  




  

   

  

  



   



Thursday, January 18, 2024

Interesting or not 🤔

 


Domestic abuse , interesting subject or not that is the question ? .....

 Today, I had one of those conversations where you had to use every single grain of patience a person can produce . 
 The other person involved should have considered themselves extremely lucky to have gotten off so lightly because I'm not so convinced another fellow abuse survivor would have been nearly as polite as I was about it and having been brought up to always have good manners this person should have been grateful that I didn't use the extended dictionary of swear words that I know .

 What annoyed this normally passive mild-mannered positive thinker I hear you ask ? .....

  It was this comment " I don't believe in domestic abuse. It's just people arguing.".
  Now, this one realitive, ignorant, and harmless opinion was then promptly followed up with " if someone hits you, then you've probably deserved it anyway ." Now that really pushed the button for me so having taken a massive deep big breath to help calm myself down they were then kindly informed that this particular survivor had spent 28 despicable years having every move and breath taken controlled by someone else , arguments were only ever one sided ( not my side of course ) and that maybe just maybe before they open their mouths to speak next time about a subject they obviously know nothing about then perhaps they should visit the local library to do a bit of research to educate themselves first .
 Now what shocked this person first was the fact that even though I had sort of known them for a couple of years, they had no idea about that particular part of my life .





  Once the first initial shock had worn off , the conversation continued and a few questions were asked . I answered everything with my normal honesty I always use and as this person went to walk off their last comment was " it's more interesting than you think it is isn't it ".
  That's exactly why I now choose to post stuff on here and in various other places . People who have never had to deal with it have no idea at all just how grim and misunderstood the whole thing is . It's not the world's most fascinating or intriguing subject but domestic abuse happens and that conversation I had prove's just how little others know about it .


 Here's a few random facts about it  .......

  2 women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales.

Women who experience domestic abuse
 are twice as likely to suffer from depression . 

40% of women who are made homeless state domestic abuse as being the cause of it .

It's estimated that 3 women a week die due to suicide caused by domestic abuse. 

18 men died due to the hands of their partner compared to 60 for a woman.

Is all the above interesting enough now ?...

Domestic abuse is never going to be the most intellectual subject to raise in a conversation , but maybe it should be . I'm fairly open about my past experiences and to be honest as I can as I've always said it's the biggest and most ugliest elephant in the room and yet some people still decide to ignore it in the silly vain hope that maybe it will all just  go away .
Guess what ? ....... it's never going to happen so why not open your eyes and see it for what it is .

  It's like I've said before in previous posts that no one knows better about domestic abuse than someone who has been there and has seen it . Unfortunately it looks like its down to myself and fellow survivors to help inform others and that includes all the nasty unpleasant parts of it . ignoring it or not wanting to deal with it isn't the right answer so I will continue on my path trying to raise the subject and sprinkle a little positivity on top whilst I'm at it .

 I know that people are looking and reading my posts which gives me the encouragement to keep on going with it all and I thank you for it .
  I could write down all the variouse and many help lines and groups in everyone's individual countries but I think I'd be there for ever and it still wouldn't make it a great conversion starter over a coffee with friends . If you ever decide to look the subject of domestic abuse up then you will see people like me or more random shocking figures and details that could out do any horror movie . I could include graphic details of fellow victims murders but then I think I would be removed and blocked from everywhere .




 
 For the time being at least domestic abuse will remain as it is , it will only become an interesting subject matter when things start to improve and people actually start to listern instead of trying to sweep it under the carpet like it never existed. Theres a good it's happening right now to someone out there somewhere and all of those that want to ignore it should maybe pay a visit to a refuge that try to help repair some of the damage caused because of it  . 
 Domestic abuse has been going on since caveman times and yet nothing has progressed forward that far when it comes to talking about it , you will be amazed at just how many people male or female are effected by it yet no one talks about it ... unbelievable isn't it .

  So I will just keep on in my belief that something might eventually change and I'll keep on going shouting about it in as many differant directions as I possibly can , would I be prepared to stand up in front of a load of unknown people to discuss it ?.....

       Too damn right I would !!!!!

 I won't ever let my story of domestic abuse and its recovery stop from getting out there and showing others that it can be survived and beaten  ..... this domestic abuse survivor isn't going anywhere  !!!!!!

 



Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Show your support .

 



Domestic abuse towards men should be dealt with and understood exactly the same way  .....

 I've recently spent a couple of evenings trying to find some decent info and images about abuse directed towards men and discovered with increasing intense frustration and saddess that unfortunatly it's almost an impossibility to find anything that's even vaguely useful .

   Go on try it ..... put in domestic abuse towards men in whatever search engine you're using and see what comes up .

There's endless groups and societies out there to help on the subject of domestic abuse but they are all mainly directed towards women or children ( both equally as important of course ) and that's extremely unfair to all the guys out there who have to deal with it and need the support .

    I feel overwhelming bewilderment that it's almost like because you're male, you should be able to just get on with life and cope with it all alone , but that's such a completely wrong attitude . Domestic abuse as I've said so many times is nothing but the elephant in the room when it comes to discussing the subject but when it comes to men needed to talk or wanting to talk about it , it then becomes almost an even bigger taboo subject matter . 

 I've already written a post previously about abused men before and yes I'm repeating a few things but it wasn't until I started looking a bit deeper into things that I realised just how utterly appalling it all is for them out there . 

 It doesn't matter if the abused victim is male or female the effects it has and the devastation it can cause to a person's life is still exactly the same thing so why can't they all be treated exactly the same way when its really needed ?.....

   Did you know that roughly 1 in 4 women are domestically abused and 1 in 6 to 7 men can suffer from it, too ?....




   Shocking isn't it , yet even though it's that many there still isn't nearly enough help or support out there for the men . Men believe it or not actually do have feelings and the after effects from domestic abuse are exactly the same as anyone else wrapped up in a similar position .  

  PTSD , depression , anxiety , and other mental health issues aren't just reserved for us ladies , just because the guys don't talk much about things doesn't mean to say that their not feeling anything . You can't really blame them if they put all the shutters down on their emotions , if they've either been brought up to " Man Up " on emotional stuff or they just have a serious case of male pride . It doesn't help that there's extremely very few places out there that they feel safe and can put their trust in to , in order for them to receive help and get treated the way they deserve to be treated .

   To all the guys out there who are or have gone through any form of domestic abuse please , please don't ever believe that no one cares because they do ( well , at least I do anyway ) . None of the abuse given out in your direction was ever your fault, and no, you most deffinatly didn't ask for any of it .  The mixed up feelings that you may have going on aren't crazy and no your not going mad , those manic thoughts are exactly the same as me and many other abused have had at some point .

    The only advice I can honestly offer is to never ever give up and just keep on looking, and hunting for those various groups out there that will listern to you . Some of the many differant domestic abuse social media groups out there allow both men and women to join ( I most certainly do on mine ) it should give those that follow which ever one that's decided upon the opportunity to reach out to talk to others without any discrimination given .

 



  So many Male domestic abuse victims seem to keep almost everything to themselves and you can hardly blame them for doing it , it shouldn't all be so one sided . As a domestically abused female survivor even I can see just how unfair and disheartening it all must be to try and go on with life feeling like you want to scream out loud but you think nobody wants to hear you . 

 I feel intensely strongly about any forms of domestic abuse but especially about male abuse , the more I research about it all the more frustrating it all becomes . I've yet to find a justified really good reason as to why there's a massive difference between men and women when it comes to receiving any form of help after abuse but unfortunatly there is .

    Domestic abuse can and does happen to absolutly anyone regardless of whatever sex , colour or religion a person may be , it's an enormously heavy burden to carry at the best of times but if there's no one out there to support and listern then it can all become over- powering and smothering , everyone should have exactly the same opportunities when it comes to help given and understanding when it's asked for  .

    I truly wish I could wave a magic wand all around and change how things are at the moment but meanwhile I shall continue standing up for and trying to do my best for all when it comes to domestic abuse , I will never stop reaching out to those that may need the support and as far as I'm concerned male , female, gay  or straight domestic abuse is still and always will be exactly the same thing . 

  As I mentioned at the start of all this trying to find any usable Male domestically abused images have proved to be extremely difficult so the images used are directed to all but the first one at the top of this post was made by myself so please feel free to use it in what ever way that's needed.


  


 



  

  

    

   

  


    

   

Monday, January 15, 2024

Feeling small .

 


 Domestic abuse is full of variouse acts of disrespect and humiliation.......

One of an abusers favourite things to go out of their way to make someone else feel almost non-existent , they don't care about how that other person might feel just as long as they think it makes them look bigger and better .
Now we all know that's a highly unpleasant way to treat someone else, but since when has a domestic abuser ever cared about what other people feel ?....

 The more humiliating and embarrassed they can make someone feel then the better it can make them feel . They don't care where they do it but normally, it's done in front of as many other people as possible in order to get the effect they want and they then gloat in other persons public humiliation .

   Belittling someone in order to make themselves look all big and superior is something I know about all too well , the " your fat , usless and ugly " comments were not just reserved for behind closed doors it could dished out on any random occasion that would give my now ex abuser the attention and satisfaction he craved . I've had it thrown at me in supermarkets , outside the school gate , in a church and numerous other places all without any care or thought on how just how devastating and humiliating it might of all been for me .





 


Some of the many many forms of humiliation , disrespect, and being made to feel smaller than a small thing are .......

  Compliments that were actually disguised as an insult .

Making sarcastic comments in order to demean or embarrass. 

Laughing at opinions , ideas, or actions in front of other people .

Saying things to undermine or insult .

Another persons achievements or any success totally dismissed or down played .

Cutting someone else off in mid sentence making it look like that the other person is talking utter rubbish .

The abuser then insults you even further by trying to say they " were only joking " in order to justify their actions which we all know is just a feeble excuse .







The abusers aim is complete embarrassment and awkwardness for the other person and unfortunately it's normally directed towards the latest poor victim who they happen to find themselves caught in their large sticky spider Web . 
 Being made to feel small can be completely soul destroying and it can crush any self-confidence a person may have . Abusers only thoughts are to make sure whoever they are with at the time feel totally belittled , weak and usless .
   Yes , you could try to defend yourself by reversing it all back to them but then the treatment can either get worse or the killer glare of " just wait till I get you back home " could happen , once that door is closed be prepared for revenge in which ever form they feel fits the crime .

 The big question is why does the abuser insist on doing what they do and is it all about just to make them feel better about themselves ?....

 Possibly , maybe , could be but to be honest it's anyone's guess . 
They must have a seriously low opinion of themselves if they feel the need to make someone else feel even smaller than they are or maybe they are just so bitter , twisted  and nasty that they actually believe its all perfectly normal and everyone does it .
  Maybe its all classic Napoleon Syndrome/complex/  ( my ex was about the same height as me but his character was weaker ) where they feel the need to over compensate all their social shortcomings and small character by being intimidating or aggressive towards others 🤔 ,
or it could just be that they are nothing but pathetic overgrown temper tantrum throwing 2 year olds who don't know how to behave themselves properly and they have no intention of ever growing up !

   OK , so you find yourself being made to feel small and inferior what's the next steps ?....







As I've just said you could try go do it back but there could be unfortunate consequences attached .

You could try turning all that negativity into a positive by using humour and just laugh it off ( but over time it can cease to be funny in any form and you run out of laughter ) .

  You could be brave and say it as it is , that you don't appreciate what's being said and there was no reason to say it ( but would the abuser get what your saying and would they stop doing it ?..)

Knowing what's meant as a genuine gone wrong joke and what's just offensive ( not always an easy job when it comes to abusers because they are so hood at what they do ). 


 Doing something is sometimes better than doing nothing so as your sat/stood there feeling like you just want to melt away 
 and you feel like all the eyes in the room are aimed in your direction and the person who is trying their best to make you feel not worthy of being is there then maybe you should start to consider if you really need this sort of treatment from someone who is supposed to care about you .
 Do you really need your confidence getting a battering every time you are near other people within hearing and when does a " joke " stop bring a joke ? ....






    Being positive is now one of my favourite occupation's and I'm one of the first to enjoy a really good laugh but if someone dares to crossover the line or decides their idea of fun is to belittle me and try to make me look worthless then they will not so polity get told exactly where to shove it with added swearing , this once suppressed , weak , scared to cause any trouble person now makes sure the person involved will only ever if they are really lucky get the opportunity to do it once .
  
  Domestic abusers hate anything or anyone that is stronger than they are ( haven't you noticed they always go for what they think are the weaker victims ? ) so why not show them just how strong you can be by changing your stars . 
   Your future is all down to what ever direction you decide to walk , Fate and its great friend destiny might have great plans for you .



  


  
  




 

  




 



   
 


 









Countdown to positivity.

  28 years of suffering domestic abuse was more than enough for me thank you very much and those years as I've said many times before I ...