Revenge.

 

As the old saying goes " Revenge is a dish best served cold " but can it work when applied to to those who have broken away from domestic abuse?....

  The answer to the above can all depend on the individual , how they want to go about it and if they felt they wanted to do it .  Yes , you could if you felt particularly vindictive and nasty enough attempt to try to treat your abuser exactly the same way they once treated you but that then leads to several other questions .

Would they actually notice what you were doing?...

Would they actually care  if you did it ?....

Would they then in return turn around and say  you were domestically abusing them ?....

Would you honestly feel any better if you decided to do it ?....

 Personally , no I don't think treating someone exactly the same way they treated you in this kind of situation would work very well because I'd like to think I'm a much better person than my now ex abuser is .

 I was brought up to always have good manners and be polite so treating someone with spiteful , hurtful words and actions goes completely against everything I was taught and that I believe in .

 I don't know about those reading this but it's not in my nature to want to be physically violent to anyone or anything , in my mind violence is never the correct answer to anything  . 

 Would writing a letter containing all the built up anxiety, tension and frustration and then sending it to a domestic abuser work ?......

 Maybe , but you have to rely on the fact they would actually want to read it it let alone understand what you were trying to say to them .

 I know for a fact that anything I wrote ( not that I would ever consider trying to do it and I wouldn't want to waste the paper ) would just straight away go in the nearest shredder like it and me never existed .

  

Could you go to the police to report them ?....

I guess that would all depend on how serious the abuse was and how much good quality proof or evidence you have to show it all happened . Some things when it comes to domestic abuse are almost impossible to prove , if there are only two people in the room and your being verbally abused you dont tend to remember to set things up to record what's going on because it can all happen so fast and unexpectedly .

   

So if none of the above seems a really good revenge option what else could someone do ?....

  This one is a really easy one to answer and it's a relatively easy one to do too  , is to just simply keep on existing. 

  I know for a fact that the one major and biggest thing that ultimately annoys my now ex is that not only am I still breathing but I'm also not quite as usless as I was once constantly told .

  Another thing that I think I can safely put down as my sort of revenge is the fact I'm not scared to tell the entire world that I was domestically abused and if I'm asked I'm more than happy to go into a few details . Revenge doesn't have to be the obvious kind of thing but sometimes just sometimes showing that your not afraid to be yourself can be the most powerful thing you can do .  

  

  I suppose the next big question would be is are there any benifits in getting revenge?....

  Yes and no , Yes because its showing that if your knocked down , you will always rise back up again and No because all revenge will do in the end is to keep crawling over the past instead of moving forward .

 What if the fact that those that have come out of the other side of domestic abuse already have the ultimate revenge?....

 

  It's the ultimate one because the survivor gets to live their life without any form of abuse thrown in their direction , they are free to enjoy their life. 

 The abuser will always remain the abuser regardless of who their next victim may be . They will brag about how fast and easy it was to replace their last one but we all know that going by their previous record the next one will wise up to being abused and then take the road to freedom ....the abuser then gets to start all over yet again .

  Survivors have their freedom to be true to themselves but the abuser will never be able to find that kind of inner peace because their minds are just wired up differently , they for whatever reason have a deep rooted insecurity and will never be fully relaxed and calm in their own space .

  Yes , absolutely I think I may of discovered the best way to take my own personal revenge and that's to remain being my true positive self  and its something any one else can do too . Being strong on the inside can be the equivalent of an ultimate super power and that super power can over ride absolutly anything that's chucked or blown in your direction .That deep rooted invincible inner super power can be mightier than any grip an abuser thinks they have over someone. Its stronger than any WWE wrestling champion and faster than Superman on a high , it can be totally invisable to the naked eye but the end results can still be seen and it can be as silent as a bird in flight .  Everyone has it and its down to the individual when and how its used .

   Never doubt that inner strengh and yes there may be times you think you may of lost it but I promise you it will always be there tucked up all safe and sound for when you really need it .

  

  

   

   

 

Fairytales and make believe .

 

Just like all good classic Fairytales and childhood stories, domestic abuse has their own unique forms of big bad mean nasty villains........

There is a beautiful story by Hans Christian Anderson called The Snow Queen and if you've never had the joy of reading it then I fully suggest you do . 

   There's an bad little troll who decides to make a magical mirror and this mirror somehow can only show in its reflections all the bad and ugly it sees ( basically it's only reflecting the negative and never the positive) . The troll decides his mirror needs to be shared around so its taken to many differant places . Its whilst it's on its travels that it gets dropped sending thousands of tiny pieces of itself everywhere , if you were unfortunate enough to  get a piece attached to yourself then you would become just like the original mirror.  Now I've just explained the very basics to the fairytale, but what if all the domestic abusers of this world are the fault of that one mirror ?.... 🤔

O.K ,  maybe that's an extremely weak and feeble excuse for their actions but wouldn't it be amazing if just like in the story love and kindness conquered over evil and everything ended happily ever after ?....

 An extremly large case of wishful thinking I know, but what that little tale does show is that being strongly positive can be the toughest weapon anyone can have and that you should never give up .

   February has just begun here in England and if you listern really carefully the birds are just begining to show off on the morning with their singing , on a really good day you can even feel a little bit of warmth from the sun on your face and Spring plants are slowly starting to stretch their way up out of the soil  . Waking up each and every day now is full of surprises and it never ceases to amaze me that good old Mother Nature can still produce her magic no matter how dark and gloomy things once were .

  Domestic abuse is like living through the toughest bleakest coldest winter imaginable , every single day can be overtaken with the most darkest unforgiving clouds and you begin to forget how bright things used to be . It's the equivalent of that spiteful ugly mirror in that fairytale story , it contains only the bad bitter evil things and only seems to reflect nothing but total negativity . Those evil sharp shards of mirror will try to do their very best to attack all your positivity and turn it into even more unneeded and unwanted morbid doom and gloom .   

  Carrying the overbearing heavy burden of domestic abuse can become soul destroying and heart breaking . How to beat the feelings of oppressive heavy  dark clouds or over power those painful pieces of mirror is an individual thing but yes of course it can be done ( I certainly wouldn't be writting any of these posts if it couldn't be ) . 

It's all about reclaiming what was once yours and by that I mean your all too valuable life .  Just like those very early first signs of growth from hibernating plants , it's the waking up and reaching out that starts all the getting stronger stuff  .

Positivity can be a highly powerful thing and anyone can use it when things all seems low .  It's not about the rain in life but the beautiful rainbow that you may get from it that really counts .  Thinking optimistic positive thoughts can be done absolutely anywhere at anytime and the bonus is it doesn't cost anything to do !!

 As I'm looking out of my window today and enjoying my first morning cup of tea I can see there's a possible chance the sun might break through the clouds so I fully intend to take that as my first positive sign of the day and go out and start the Spring clear up in the garden so those first emerging stalks of fresh life can have some space to grow .

   Domestic abuse survivors are just like those plants in my garden , first comes the waking up from dark abusive nightmare and then the reaching out for the sunlight begins . Each and every day of that new found freedom makes the survivor stronger , and its that positive strength that keeps you going forward . Once you get your freedom and the growth begins the rest of your life will be under only one person's control and that one single person will be you !!  Don't ever stop believing you can't do something before you even try it , life can actually be quite good fun and my advice will always be why not give it a go .

    Try turning those odd random negative thoughts into positive ones , it was never you that had one of those rough and sharp pieces  of mirror from the story at the beginning of this post stuck on you  , it was your abuser and they can continue on their path of destructive behaviour without you .   Personally I know my now abusive ex is still doing his thing somewhere out there to someone else but as long as it doesn't envolve me I don't care , my life now is a massive major improvement and anyone else that's either gone through the giant domestic abusive cement mixer or are still going around inside of it just never forget that it's your life and your future so if you don't like the road it's taking then why not just simply pick a new one to travel on instead . 

   On my travels along my positive road in life I like to scatter my positivity all around just like the wild flower seeds in my garden , it doesn't matter where they all go just as long as it grows and then self- seeds all around  and I'm sharing some around today to whoever may read it . 

If you find some positivity today why not pass it on just like those seeds  ?........