Sunday, November 20, 2022

Silent tears.

 When things get bad and you just want to cry its a perfectly normal human reaction but not when it comes to someone who is or has been through domestic abuse ......

  Silent tears , invisable crying or call it what ever you want its something the abused gets down to a very fine art , You learn very early on that it's the only way you can cry .
Outwardly you can look reasonably fine and collected but inwardly there's a tidewave of unseen tears going on that no one will ever get to be witness to .
 Why are they silent or invisable ?...

 That's one of the extremly rare questions about domestic abuse that I can answer , they are silent because there's no point in letting the abuser know or see how much they've hurt or upset you , You may get asked if your are caught crying " what's up with you ? " but they know really because it was all down to them in the first place . 
You finally admit why your upset to them and it all then instantly all gets turned around and becomes your fault because your the one obviously who has major issues not them . 

 The abuser seems to want to do nothing more than to want to cause as much pain and hurt as they possibly can and they don't really seem to care how they do it . They want and need you to cry , and they strangly need to see the damage or pain they have caused and they then seem to get some sort of crazy bazaar buzz or high out of seeing the final finished result .

  Once they they get the opportunity to see just how much they have successful hurt or damaged someone they then instantly go on the defensive by declaring its not their fault , you started it or you deserved it .  Totally an utterly crazy thing to do but they seem not to be able to see it that way or take responsibility forvehat they have just done .
 You learn extremely quickly as the abused victim to never show any of your emotions on the outside and to never ever show any pain you might be feeling because that's giving the abuser exactly justvwhat they want , instead you just go into quite survival mode , you just put a forced fake smile on your face and agree to whatever it takes to get the highly valuable peace and quite back once again .
  You become almost to tough for tears , you keep the hurt and pain firmly locked away safe inside yourself where it can't be seen , then when it's very late at night and all are fast asleep you might just allow a couple of those very special tears to escape but that's all you can afford to let go because if you let it all out you know you would never stop and you may then run the risk of drowning in a sea of your own tears .

  Once learnt its something you never forget how to do , your life may have improved after the abuse but as soon as you feel vulnerable or threatened in any way again you will find yourself putting up those sky high invisable barriers all around yourself in order to safely protect yourself again . It's not something I'd expect someone who as never had to deal with any aspects of domestic abuse to fully understand because its obviously just reserved for those of us that have . It's not the greatest all secret super power thing to know how to do but sometimes it's the only thing that can be done , no one will ever notice your doing it and no one will ever know because its your way of safe guarding yourself , whatever thoughts are going through your head at the time just stay in your head .

 I don't think my now ex ever had any idea about what I was up to when I went all quite , in his world quite meant he had won yet another day of emotional abuse . 
It's got to be some sort of odd world to live in if you feel you have to upset or hurt someone else just because you can , but that's exacly what the domestic abusers of this world insist on doing and they dont care who the hell they do it to either . 


 So if you happen to think that you thought you were the only one out there to cry those silent unseen tears then I'm sorry I'm afraid  your very much wrong because there are hundreds of us out there who now all share that same special unique ability . 

 There are very few of those unseen silent  tears left now for me , yes they can still happen occasionally on extreme rare occasions but it as I've just said very rare and even that's only if I've been pushed to the very very maximum extreme maximum overload point .

  My life now is more full of laughter than those unwanted silent tears , I try as a go along in life to turn what ever negative thought that comes along into a positive one instead , it works most times and I try to pass it on to others .
  Finally picture is a little bit of positive after such a lot of a negative in this post , it was taken whilst out fishing just the other day and I think it sort of show quite well that even after a little depressing rain and you think your day may be a sad one all if a sudden and is if by magic there is always still a very good chance a rainbow just like this one can as if it seems to know you might need it  suddenly appear to make you smile 😃 . 



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