Wednesday, July 12, 2023

Taking one step .


Taking that first step even if you don't know the whole staircase..........

  Making that very first all important decision to break away from an abuser isn't always easy and you can only do it when your good and ready too , It can be done because I once had to climb those stairs to freedom myself a few years ago . I took each and every step up slowly and carefully untill finally I managed to get to where I am now in life .
 Escaping and breaking away from being abused like I've already said isn't always easy but yes it most deffinatly can be done , you have to be honest and open with those out there who that can and will help you .  It can sometimes  be a long path to travel but believe me it doesn't have to be ever walked alone and its worth every single step in the end , I was totally blown away by the amount of kind , helpfully and supportive people that helped me at the begining . Without their encouragement and pointing me in various differant directions for help I don't think I could have done half of what I'm doing now and I certainly wouldn't be the person I am today without them . 

   I wasted far too long being being blind to what was going on with my now ex abuser . Was I scared of him and what he was capable of doing or was I just so used to it I couldn't see what was happening to me anymore ?......
 Nope I don't know the answer to that one either but I knew one thing for sure and that was I couldn't keep letting it happen . 
Looking back now I just think I must of been such a total and complete muppet for allowing myself to fall into such a dark infested place for all that lengh of time but that's exacly what domestic abuse does to you and you end up stopping thinking logically . Your normal relatively sane brain turns into a mushy mess full of strange thoughts and bewilderment , the person you once were gets lost in it all and you forget who you once were . 

 Finally waking up one day ( and I mean from the abuse not in the morning )  is like having the lights suddenly all turned back on again when it's been dark for what seems like forever .  Everything just sort of falls into place , you see things so much clearer than you've ever seen them before and that inner strength/glow starts to slowly regrow back . 
That moment is your key to unlock your own door of domestic abuse and when it's open you can walk or rather run ( which ever cones first )  with your head held high and be proud of yourself .
  It's hard to explain exacly but it's a bit like not having that small missing bit of a jigsaw puzzle for ages and then one day suddenly finding it again .
 If you try to break away from it before your ready your more likely to keep losing that piece again and keep going back to look for it and only you can be in control of when that happens next when you find it again . 

     It's 100% true , everything will and can be o.k eventually , it might take a while to get there but yes of course you can do it .  
 It's a slightly scary process to begin with but worth every single second once you've done it . 
  If I can do it do can anyone else , its all about taking that first big step then each and every day taking one small step at a time .
Help is out there to guide and support you along the way when you need it and yes people will listern to you . These people will catch you and pick you up again if you fall , they will forgive if you get tempted back and most importantly help you again if you need it .

  For those that are still fighting the fight just hang on in there and start believing there is light at the end of your tunnel  . 
 Only you can start to change your stars  when your ready and when you finally make that decision then your future will be all yours and no-one else's . 
  Knowing that there are others out there that have been through similar can help give massive support to those that need it and that now is my soul purpose of doing all of this   

I've told my sad little story ( purely selfish reasons for that ) at the very begining and now I want to let the entire world know that domestic abuse in any form is wrong on so many endless levels .
 I refuse to let it be that quite elephant in the room that people try not to notice anymore , 
Yes it may not be a pleasant subject to discuss but how else can others learn from it and how can things ever change if no-one hears about it . 
 My abuse was all emotional and there's times I do wonder if I'll ever put what goes through my head sometimes about it all into some sort of vague order but then if I did manage to do that would I forget about my past events and if I forgot about those how could I be of any help to anyone else ?..... 
   My little world might be appear a bit unique to others  but I can at least now say with honest pride it's my own unique very special little world and no one else can or will ever control it again .

 Now its your turn to start believing in yourself and believing your worth it .

  Just say to yourself.....




Monday, July 10, 2023

Do you want to know a secret ?

 Domestic abuse has to be the biggest secret a person can ever keep ......

The abuser never talks about it or admits to doing it and the abused just keeps quiet about it .  Why keep quite ?  
     Because its quite simple you don't think anyone will believe a word you say or understand what it's like .

 Being abused isn't very pleasant ( please  note the understatement here ) and whilst it's happening  you tend to shut yourself off in your own little private world . 
You believe all the rubbish you are told by your abuser and you even start thinking and believing that maybe just maybe you do actually deserve all that's given to you .
  Why is domestic abuse not really spoken about ? 
   Because I think its not that others don't want to listern , it's more about that they don't like what they might hear what their being told . 
  No-one truly understands better about abuse than someone whose been there , seen it and done it and thats one of my many reasons for reaching out to others that have either gone through it or are still going through it . 
Are any of you out there being abused emotionally or physically ?  If your reading any of this stuff and you think... mmmmmm 
that sounds a bit like me 🤔  , then know there's always people out there ready to help when you really need it . There's loads of variouse online places you can check out or if your not quite ready to face the big outside world yet with it then you can always send an email to the email address at the bottom of my profile ( its only for this purpose and nothing more , any nuisance or scam emails will be not answered and promptly blocked ) I'll try to get back to anyone as soon as I can . 
  I'm not a business or a big company , it's just me and if it's that first reaching out place that can lead to great things then that's fantastic !  

I once spent 28 very long tough totally wasted years dealing with my now ex abuser , I never spoke to anyone about what was going on or what they were doing ....I just kept very quiet .
  Again why ? 
 Because I didn't think anyone else would understand and certainly not believe any of it . 
On the outside my ex came over as a completely different person , other people only saw that person that was wanted to be seen and not the nasty , spiteful , hurtful and manipulive person I saw every day behind closed doors .
   Now I count myself extremely lucky and I can shout about it out loud and I don't care who hears me , I think I've earnt the right to shout and write about it because I lived it and survived it .
 If it helps just that one person out there then it's all been worth it and mission accomplished and I will keep on shouting so others can hear .
  I've said it before , schools and work places should get people to come in to talk about domestic abuse because the subject shouldn't be kept quite . Why after hundreds of years of it happening isn't it being brought up as a subject to use to educate people with  ?
 I now talk openly about abuse on here , Facebook , Instagram , Quora and Thread , I refuse to be quiet about it anymore . I want others to communicate with me if they need to or they want to scream , shout or swear about it ( I'll most likely join in with the swearing  ) .

 Secrets aren't secrets if you tell ..... I only have one more very small tiny weeny secret I now keep about my abuse and its about doing all of this , No I'm not shy about it or embarrassed about it ( never would be ) but it's more about keeping that mini part of me just for those that really need it ( think Batman and his secret identity 🤔 ) .
  I may not have all the answers but at least I will listern , believe you and you can above all else trust me . All it can take is that one person to help open the door for someone else and that door could then lead to a whole new amazing adventure .

   If all of this shouting about abuse gets bigger ( please follow this to help ) then yes of course I will reveal to family and friends exactly what I've been up to and why but for the time being it's going to be my own secret personal mission to be there for other's . 
  I'm just one small gog in an even bigger machine , if we all work together that machine can keep on going and fight against domestic abuse , with your help that machine will one day overpower the abusers of this world .

  I've always believed that an army isn't necessarily just about fighting in wars it can be a strong group of like minded people believing and showing other that things need to change and the only way that can be done is if we all work together , I'm not expecting any major changes in my lifetime but maybe if over time the battle against abuse gets a little less then I know I've done something worthwhile in my life ( besides having my children of course ) . 
Yes I know I repeat an awful lot of stuff doing this but my only excuse is I need to keep making sure others understand just how life changing domestic abuse can be , it's not a pleasant and never will be an easy subject to read about and I make no apologies for it . It is what it is and it certainly doesn't deserve to be made all nice and fluffy . Not everyone will like some of the subject matter I writ about but I won't cover any of it up , abuse can happen to absolutely anyone be they adults , children , gay , straight or Alien so why hide all the facts ? 
  Yes I've used the odd random swear word here or there but again I'll make no apologies for that either , sometimes a swear word is the only word that fits when your talking about abuse and its extremly unpleasant side effects it can leave . As I've always said no-one ever fully understands about abuse unless they have been there  , seen it and survived it .

   Don't be quite about domestic abuse !!!!!!



Sunday, July 9, 2023

Find that Inner Strengh .


Breaking away from an abuser can be tough , you need to be ready,  willing and very very able to take that first leap  .......

  One day you suddenly wake up and you realise life just isn't meant to be that way when your with a domestic abuser , you have that sudden light bulb moment 💡.
 It can take either just a few weeks or as in my case a few years , it's like someone has recharged your thinking and suddenly you wake up and think  " WTF !!!! " .
 I would be lying if I said it can be easy because in some cases it isn't but it can be done if those that are abused are strong enough . I don't mean physically strong ( although it could be a bonus 🤔 ) I mean way deep down inside yourself strong . It's that same good old inner strength that has helped the victim survive through all the abuse given out to them in the past . 

 Everyone has that inner strength but sometimes you can forget how to use it to your own advantage . 
 When you do use it it can make you all super powerful and ready to face what ever life decides to chuck in your direction .  
 I forgot all about my inner strength and determination whilst  with my now ex abuser, I forgot when I put it ,  how it use it or what to do with it ( in fact I even actually forgot I had it ) ......

                  but not anymore !!

  One day I had that wake up call / recharge moment and as I've said before it was a simple case of either I'd end up leaving in a box or he would have to go , guess which decision I made ? 😊 
 My life had eventually become that bad back then that I had begun to think I didn't have much of a future to look forward to .
This is exactly how extreme being with an abuser can really get like , it totally mess's with a normal logical thinking person's head and all your thoughts and feelings start to stop being your own .
 I can't describe it or put it into words that ultimate feeling of final freedom but if I could bottle it and sell it I'd make a absolute fortune !! 
                  It's phenomenal . 

I now appreciate every single tiny little thing in life because I'll never forget how my life used to be like and I mean really appricate everything , everything  from that perfect yellow lily in the first picture that's growing in my garden to the tiny little brown  spider that lives next door to it ( named Boris )...... yep absolutely everything !!!! .

   If your reading this and you are being abused remember you too can have that inner strength ,  it might be tucked up somewhere way deep down inside yourself but I promise you it's there ready to use when it's your turn to be strong . 
   Getting freedom back from an abuser can be done because I've been there , seen it and  done it and so can anyone else .  
I'm not anything special and certainly not superhuman but what I am now is a free person who is living a life without any form of domestic abuse .

That all important day will happen when the lights suddenly turn back on again for you and when they do you need to use all that hidden all powerful superhuman inner strength to throw that abuser far far away where they belong ,

            you can do it honestly !!

 I'm not saying you need to get physically violent with them but what I do mean is you need to do what they least expect you to do and that is simply to take the control back of your own life . 
  You are way more stronger than you ever believe you can be and you need to use that strengh to show your not afraid of your abuser anymore . You'll be totally surprised on just how fast an abuser can move on in some cases . When it finally dawns on them that they can't get their own way anymore with you anymore  they may throw a massive sulk , pretend to cry , get angry , scream and shout , say " lets try again " or hit out but never once will you get a deep and meaningful apology from them ( they may say sorry but its never really meant ) . 

 The strength it takes to break away from an abuser can be found deep rooted inside yourself , it can grow as time goes by and it can take you anywhere you need to go . We all have it but sometimes we forget to use it .

All this is coming from someone who once spent 28 extremly long tough what seemed like endless years living with an abuser , I've had to learn how to live my life again for myself , I've leant an amazing amount since I found my strengh to end it . I 've now proven to the whole wide world I'm not and have never been the  " fat , usless and ugly "  person I was lead to believe I once was  . No-one will ever ever dare to try to control what I do or say anymore  , I am now my own free person and noone will ever own me !!!!!
  You too can feel and be like this , you just have to simply believe in yourself and it will happen .  
 You are worth every single breath you take and never let anyone else tell you differently !!!!

  That's enough negativity for today I think don't you so let's end on something positive , 
 If your day becomes grey and sad just remember that tomorrow is a whole brand new day !!
( photo below taken by myself )




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