My story Part1 .

  I had to first ask myself the big question of why I wanted to start doing all of this and I'm still not entirely sure of the answer ....                 

      One thing I do know for sure is I couldn't keep waiting for the tide to come in and smooth things over because just like sand my problem's would still be there underneath ready to resurface again .

 Is it for me or others ?  Still not worked that one out yet ( proberly a bit of both if I'm honest) but if just one person happens to come across this , reads it and then realises that the same thing or worse is happening to them then it would have been all worth it .

 One thing I do know is that I needed to put it all down somewhere before I forget some of it  ( chance would be a fine thing ! ) or it all gets muddled up as I get older. Is it a case of self-help therapy or just a need to process past events ? I don't know but one thing I've deffinatly realised is that I was a a complete and utter stupid idiot for staying in that relationship for as long as I did and I wasted far too many valuable years of my life that I'll never get back ( the only good things to come out of it being my children ) .

Domestic Abuse has a nasty habit of leaving side effects of P.T.S.D , mental heath issues and all sort of other horrible irritating things , it not only effects the abused but their children too who see and hear a lot more than they will ever talk about . 

It can be physical , mental and emotional,  financial or even all of them put together and it doesn't matter if your male, female , black , white , gay , straight or an alien abuse is still and always will be abuse and its not execptable behaviour from anyone . it can't always be obvious to those looking in from the outside and abuse can leave bruises that can't always be seen , Its something that never really heals . In some really bad cases the abuser even has the nerve to play their own abused card and they beat the system by ruining other peoples lives who get in their way. 

It's the classic Elephant in the room and it needs to be spoken about more , Schools , college's and work places  need to get people in to discuss it openly and we need to teach others that it's not the right or correct way to treat people your supposed to care about . 

That person sat next to you on the bus going to work in the morning  could be going through it and you'd never know or maybe your best friend has been hiding the secret from you for years . Those of us who have been or are being abused become superior actors so you'd never realise what life at home is really like .

One of my personal grievances is that some of the people out there who try to help survivors ( most are brilliant but there's always the odd few ) who really don't have a clue what their talking about because they only know what they've read in books and not actually been through it themselves so they have no true understanding of what can go through a person's head or what crazy stupid little things can trigger those annoying red flags .

 Personally I spent 28 very tough long years in a emotionally domestic abusive relationship that involved financial abuse , being cut off from family and friends , rape ( basically sex with permission but you where emotionally blackmailed into it ) , threats of violence ,  mental cruelty , not being allowed a job , not being allowed to have a bank account and regularly being told " your fat , useless and ugly " or the best one " if ever you leave me I will kill you ". In the end I had 2 choices either my abuser left or I would in a box and as you can proberly tell by now there was no need for the box and I'm still very much breathing  . 

I have now been free for a good few years and have regained a lot of my lost inner self confidence and self belief . I couldn't have done any of it without my children , my amazing bunch of friends who put up with my moaning on a really bad day and of course my new and greatly improved partner . With their help It's made me become an eternal optimist whose glass is always full and most importantly I now own the glass !

I'm not a storyteller or super fantastic at doing this sort of thing so don't expect anything like Charles Dickens but as time goes by you never know I might improve things . I intend to start at the very beginning and every new step should continue my journey through it all till it gets to where I am today . I intend to be honest and open about almost everything apart from names and locations ( anyone who knows me really well will recognise things anyway) and my spelling won't always be the greatest . Be warned there could a bit of swearing sometimes or unpleasant events written but my excuse is I'll write as if I were talking to a good friend .

 I'm one of the fortunate few who got out of it relatively unharmed and intact so I feel I have every right to tell my story to others and to do it my way .

There will be a lot of repeated comments or subjects made but domestic abuse needs to be talked about  and so it needs to be done that way so it finally gets through to others to help them understand .

    If your going through any form of Domestic Abuse never forget there is always help out there if and when you need it and things will eventuslly get better even if like me you don't believe its happening at the time. Just like any classic school bully the abuser will only get away with it all the the time you let it happen so take that first scary step and talk to someone. If I can do it so can anyone .

Trust me your peace can and will return .