Tuesday, January 23, 2024

More questions than answers .


Why do domestic abusers feel the need to do what they do ?....

  This is a question I've often sat down and given a lot of thought to and I think we all know the answer. 
 No, I can honestly say that I'm fairly positive its not a case of just being a miss-understood joke and the same goes for the abuser just feeling like it at the time because their always like it .
   The answer basically boils down to learnt behaviour be it from a parent , a grandparent,  an aunt , an uncle , an older sibling, or another major person in their life  .
  If the abuser spends all their growing up early years being witness to violence or intimidation, then in their mind it's a perfectly normal way to live , they think it's all fully excepable behavour and those that don't act that way surely must be the odd ones out in life .

    Domestic abusers all seem to come across as being privileged or fully entitled , they don't seem to comprehend that just because they may see something and want it , it doesn't mean to say that they can actually have it .
   Their problem of not getting what they want  when they want then becomes your problem because that's when the temper tantrums can start . When they were young it was all about them chucking themselves on the floor and the kicking and screaming would happen untill they got their own way , as they grew older and it all gets a little bit embarrassing to do the terrible 2 year old  toddler thing they then upgrade everything to verble , mental or even physical abuse .

   Do domestic abusers do what they do intentionally or on purpose ?....🤔

  Yes of course they do , it's all about having the ultimate power in their eyes and they don't seem to care who suffers in order for that to happen .

Could the abuser have some sort of disorder ?....🤔

Possibly in extreme rare cases but the end result is similar. The abuser gets a sort of high watching someone else being in a certain degree of pain be it physical or emotional. 

 Could the abuser have grown up being abused themselves ?....🤔

Again possibly , but then would that not be another form of learnt behavour .

Does the abuser have some sort of control issues ?....🤔
Trying to control someone's everyday actions through bullying or intimidation in my mind is still domestic abuse because I once lived through 28 years of it .
Granted the above questions could work as great excuses but to those that have either lived through it or are still struggling with it none of them are really good enough .
  I've yet to have a good enough reason given to me as to why its perfectly exceptional for one person to make a fellow persons life so terribly uncomfortable that the first person feels the need to end their life in some cases .

 Psychologist's , therapists and Councillor's can all sit with a domestic abuser trying to work out the reasons for their clients actions but would the abuser actually agree with their findings ?.....🤔

   No, I don't think so either because that would mean the abuser would then have to admit that they were wrong and that's something they will never do . 

  Can a domestic abuser ever change their ways ?......🤔

  It's been known to happen , but the abuser has to desperately want it happen in the first place and they need to have some understanding about why they need to change . 

  Domestic abusers are hard to work out at the best of times , there never really seems to be any rhyme or reason why they feel the need to do what they do to others.  
  Just because they have their own individual problems with trust , feeling insecure and feelings of jealousy it doesn't explain why they think it's OK to hurt another person .

  The abused victim learns to  deal with the abuse given  in many variouse ways . They will make numerous excuses  , stay quite if pressured for answers and go out of their way to try to keep the peace for as long as possible. 
  What makes a victim stay with their abuser ?....🤔

 There's endless reasons but it's basically down to believing your everything your told you must be .
 Having your confidence and self estemm drained , believing that your friends and family won't want to know you anymore and you start to believe that you can't survive without your abuser. 
   If all of the above were true then those of us who have escaped from our abusers wouldn't be around today trying to encourage others to make the same decision they once made . 

 Domestic abuse is a mysterious, complicated, and nonsensical subject . Common sense tells you to avoid anyone that could cause you any form of pain or discomfort but unfortunatly it can all become overridden by the heart .
  I've spent several years trying to delve into the darkness of an abusers mind but its full of illogical thoughts and actions . 
 I can't work out why a fully grown mature adult would possibly want to act like their throwing their dummy out of their pram because they can't get their own way and then when it's offered back they have to attempt to bite the hand that offers it back . 
   Everyone likes life going their way at some point but it's how you go about it that really counts .

 Even after writting all of this I'm still non the wiser as to what makes it alright to treat a fellow decent human being like a worthless possession , how can you possibly declare undying love to someone in one breath and then beat them till they fall down the next ?....🤔

   The answers I think I've found then lead to even more questions to ask which then only makes things even more complicated than it all was in the first place .
  One question I can most deffinatly 100% answer without any doubt is , is there a future after domestic abuse ?....🤔

      If there wasn't, then I would not be now leading a  happy , contented life and certainly would not be trying to reach out and offer help  to others . 







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