Thursday, April 11, 2024

Perfect imperfection


   According to all the domestic abusers in this world everyone else is utterly and completely useless , pathetic , and hopeless , worthless or stupid ( and all the other words they pile together at any given opportunity) . 

   As I've mentioned before I was regularly told by my now very much ex abuser that I was " Fat , usless and ugly " which does make you very much wonder as to why the hell was he with me in the first place or stayed for 28yrs if I was that bad ? πŸ€”
  Just like the bad one in a box of apples it always has to try to turn everything else surrounding it mouldy too .

   I'm the very first to admit I'm not perfect in any form or fashion but one thing I do admit to very proudly is the fact that I always try my very best to be true to myself . All my imperfections are my own ( and yes I know I have a few ) , I know I can be encredibly stubborn , sarcastic and a bit slow on the uptake sometimes plus a few more bad habits but to me at least its those imperfections that make me the person who I am today .
   I don't think anyone is perfect ( apart from Miss Mary Poppins obviously ) and those that domestically abuse others will will always have to inform their victims of as many as they can find and even some that never really existed in the first place but they are the only major imperfection to exist in anyone's life .

   I've always believed that you should try to turn every negative into some sort of a positive and that's exactly what I try to do , if it's raining I try to see rainbows , if it's cold I try to think warm thoughts and if the day isn't going that great then I think my tomorrow will be better . As my profile says I'm an annoying eternal optimist whose glass is always full to the brim ( never forget glasses can always be refilled ) .
  My honesty does have a bit of a habit of dropping me in it sometimes and I know my trust has been dented along the way but over all I know I'm most certainly nothing like I was once so kindly informed I was like .

    It's the domestic abusers that have all the imperfections and issues in life , they are the one's with the problem which then in turn becomes someone else's problem because they have to share it all around to whoever they happen to be with at the time , they have to make others feel bad about themselves in order for them to feel good. 
  Never believe a negative word that comes out of an abusers mouth because trust me you are not and never will be whatever it is that they say you may be .

   Domestic abusers will blame everyone else for their own actions because nothing is ever their fault , they will have an overflowing bucket full of excuses for their actions and if caught out lying they will then become deeply offended that they weren't believed or they will put on the act of being a good decent person untill they think know one is watching anymore and then it all starts again. 
   How many times have I heard of abusers playing the victim card?......

     All the time because in their minds they are the victims and I've heard some amazing phenomenal excuses . 
 There's one case that I know of where over the years the abuser has claimed to have bipolar depression , anxiety , P.T.S.D and mental heath issues all due to believe it or not . ....domestic abuse !!!!   ( yet they where the violent , emotional and mental abuser in the first place ) .
   If they can make excuses like the one above then in my mind ( and it is only my own personal opinion) that it means that they know its all wrong in the first place .

   Would I want to make all my imperfections perfect ?.....
   No , I genuinely don't think I do because then I wouldn't be me . I now know for sure that I'm nothing like I was once told I was and that if anything I'm now more stronger and confident than I've ever been . 

   Imperfections are a perfectly normal human/animal thing or behavour and everyone shouldn't try to change just because someone else says that you should ( domestic abusers not included here ) , it's those random individual little things in life that makes everyone unique and special. Never try to be like the person that someone else wants you to be because you will never be perfect in their eyes and they constantly find fault in you . I'm not entirely sure if those that abuse know exactly what it is that they want their perfect person to be like because when or if it did happen they would only want it all changed again into something else .
  Maybe just excepting imperfections exactly they way they are is the better way to go in life , instead of trying to change them or reshape them to fit we should all just be grateful for what we all have .

   So today is my totally imperfect perfect day where all thats going to happen will happen with all its perfect imperfections , I intend to fully enjoy every single minute of it ( after my morning first cup of tea of course ) and appricate the fact that every thing I now do perfect or not is entirely my own choice and no one else's ,  I'm now a free independent person whose imperfections are their own and all mistakes made are all mine too .

  Why not make today your own and no one else's. 

   As the marvellous Mary Poppins would say ..... " I'm practically perfect in every way " 😊
( or practically imperfect and proud of it in my case  )






Sunday, April 7, 2024

Your Song


Domestic abuse is like playing the same old horrible song again and again on an eternal loop , just when you start to think it's stopped,  it starts all over again. 

    it doesn't matter whatever what song it may be it because it won't stop re-playing untill the decision is made to unplug where ever that encredibly annoying sound is coming from . In my case I think I not only switched it off but I must of hit it with a sledge hammer for good measure too .

  There's many other brilliant ways to have music in your life and domestic abuse most certainly isn't one of them , how can I describe what kind of sound domestic abuse is ?....


  Think of finger nails being dragged down a blackboard but even louder , it will only ever stop when the person doing it feels like stopping and not before , it's all about the control .  Domestic abusers can't do anything quietly and there's always a form of punishment behind it if things don't go their way .

  When to stop your play list of domestic abuse is entirely up to you , it's your own personal music so only you can put a stop to it , how to stop it is again a very individual thing but when it is finally ended then its time to change the music to whatever you want it to be and you get to play it at what ever volume you want it to be . Where my music was once like a really old large vinyl record with big deep scratches on it and a tendency to jump , it's now a phenomenal greatest hits album full of my all time favourites .

  In case it's not been.noticed yet in this post I have always appreciated music in all its many variouse forms and there where times in my all too grey and gloomy past that it was one of the only things that helped keep me reasonably of sound , mind and body. One of my small never noticed rebellious acts was to sit down with my basic thing- a- bit -like -an- ipod and put my earphones in when football was on the television , I would open whatever good book it was that I was reading at the time and them pretend to switch off . The one all important factor in all of this was the fact that I never actually switched my music on , if he thought I couldn't hear him then there was no point in talking or moaning about something in my direction and I would get some peace and quite till the game ended . 

   My choice in music is various and never a day goes by when there's not some of it playing at some point somewhere , I now get to play it loud and proud instead of keeping it to myself . I now have complete control over my music thats played and the same goes for my life . Changing my music opened up whole brand new adventures and now I'm free to dance or even sing along whenever I want to ( granted not always in time but its still great fun doing it ).

  Can anyone change their music?....

   Yes absolutly they can , in actual fact anyone can and whenever they want to .


Now the big question is are you ready to improve things in your life ?.. because in order to make those changes you need to really want to and believe it can be done . A bit scary to begin with yes maybe but all that seems scary can only get better and easier as time goes by untill one day you realise there was nothing to be scared of after all . 

   No way am I a mentally strong all powerful superhero human but what I am is a domestic abuse survivor and if I can do it then do can anyone else , all it took was that one magic moment when I decided to change the music playing in the back ground .

  Now let's have a bit of fun......Here's my list of music that could very very loosely related to the subject of domestic abuse ( obviously none of which should be taken seriously but you'll see what I'm trying to do as you read it ) .



  Highway to Hell = AC/DC


 I knew you were trouble = Taylor Swift


 It wasn't me = Shaggy

 Help = The Beatles

 War = Edwin Starr

 Please release me = Engelbert Humperdinck

I will Survive = Gloria Gaynor

Freedom = George Michael

Keep on running = Spencer Davis Group

Your song = Elton John

Its my life = Bon Jovi




 Granted their all a bit obscure with the connection but you can see where I was trying to go with it . There is one ultimate finale song and one of my all time favourites to add to my list and that's by Mr Frank Sinatra's and its My Way  ( or Sid vicouse's version for those with punk tendencies like myself ) , it sums up exactly how I now feel about things nowadays , no one will ever get the privilege of thinking they can control me because I am the only person who has the right to do that ,  I will of course make mistakes along the way but I learn from each and every one of them as I go along and it will all of course be done  my way  🎼  .

  So what ever your music choices are and what ever the lyrics mean to you never forget if you don't like what's being played you can always fast forward the song . It's your unique individual very special personal playlist so you get to pick all the tracks , be they heavy rock , country and western or seriously sloopy/ romantic it's all your choice and you can get to sing along or dance because they belong to you and no one else .

Remember....... Never be made to dance to someone else's music !!

  Whilst writing this post today there has of course been my normal cup of tea and my music playing in the background giving me the inspiration for today's subject .





















Have no regrets.

       Domestic abuse is just like walking in a mine field ,  you never  know exacly when the next explosion could happen and it's alway...