Thursday, September 14, 2023

Me , myself and I .


 Domestic abuse is just in case you've not noticed it yet is a subject I feel extremely seriously strongly about.......

Apart from mentioning the fact that I have
managed to successfully escape from my      own 28yr version of it endless times what I    hadn't done yet after with just over the past
fifty odd posts is to introduce myself properly to all who may read any of these so maybe it about time I did ( extremely bad manners I know )   .                                                           
Just in case you've not worked any of  it out for yourselves yet or you've only just begun reading then let's start with a few basics .......
Hello my name is Polskie 👋 ( not my real name but that will always remain private and anyone who knows me really well and reads this will recognise its me anyway ) .                                  
I'm English and have lived here all my life.

I'm a little bit too close to being sixty than I'd like to be .   
I will always refuse to get old gracefully .   
I do have a job and also help part run another business .      
     I have 3 all but grown up children .

I fully believe in old fashion good manners and respect ( as taught to me by my mother and in turn taught to my children ) . 

I'm lucky enough to have a very special person in my life and have done for several years .       

I love my garden and try to grow an endless assortment of things .   
One if my top favourite books is To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee .

Top favourite films either The clour Purple , The green Mile or the Warriors .

Favourite music can range from the Sex Pistols to Edward Elgar's Nimrod .

I own one daft dog and two purrfect cats ( who may at some point make their  appearance)  .
I'm a bit of an old school hippy kind of            person at heart with a splash of rebellious punk thrown in for good measure .       
I'm an extremly annoying positive thinking eternal optimist .   
My favourite place is anywhere outside (and within reason in all weathers )  .  

      I like and enjoy taking photos as you've probably noticed by now and the last one used on this is one of my lilys that were growing in my garden this summer.

I hate any pictures of myself so sorry none will ever appear on here ( not unless of course I get hundreds and thousands of followers , I get incredibly famous instantly overnight or get extremly drunk all of which are extremly unlikely ) .

     I'm as honest , truthful , humble and as genuine as I possibly can be in life .  

I love peace and hate any forms of abuse or violence . 

    And finally and most importantly I'm now my own free person and I love living my life !!! 

OK thats all the basic boring stuff done ( most I've already written about anyway ) and you all now know a little bit more about me and with it I hope I've now just proved I'm just a normal everyday kind of person who just simple puts down on here all sorts of weird random stuff that goes through my head .
This whole thing I have to admit has been at least for me personally better than any counsellor or therapist , it's given me the opportunity to put my story out there instead of it being just being stuck somewhere in the dark corners of my mind festering away .
This all started for purely selfish reasons but then I felt I needed to share it because as I've said before if just one person reads it all and thinks " that's just like me " then it's all been very much worth it .

I made the decision a while ago to extend it on various other social media sites  facebook , Instagram , Quora and the now X  but it should in theory all lead back to here .
Follow me or not ( quite like it if you did ) at least I'm not allowing domestic abuse to remain quite or rule my life anymore , I try always to be completely honest about it if I'm asked about my version of it and its just tough luck if it's not liked by anyone .
My now ex ( whose name I will never reveal on here but close family and friends know it ) was and still is to my knowledge) extremly controlling and emotionally abusive and but has yet never been physically violent , my time used to be spent trying to make the home environment as pleasant as I possibly could for myself and my children but it was an endless unforgiving waste of energy because the goal posts were always being endlessy moved further apart .

He will never ever change but I know I now thankfully have , I'm now having an absolute ball being true to myself and being the person I should have been when I was with him .
Do I regret any of it ? .... Maybe but then I wouldn't have had my children .

I know my story is nothing compared to other domestic abuse stories but it all boils down to the same thing , abuse no matter what type it may be is still uncalled for and extremly wrong !!
Abusers will always abuse but the abused hold the ace card , they can when they are good and ready just take the leap and make that break for freedom , yes its not always easy and I would be lying if I said it was but it's so well worth it in the end .
I now very much value my new found freedom to be myself and encourage anyone else to do it too , all you need to do is just simply turn the page in the book of life and start a brand new exciting chapter .

Scared? Then dont be ... There's are loads and loads of amazing people who can help you , sorry I only know the English ones but other countries must have their own versions .  Let's all help those that may need it .

Now its all your turn , if you read this and like it then why not follow , why not just simply say hello and/ or introduce yourself or simply just send a friendly smile 😊 . 
( email in profile for those that want privacy)

Make today a great day and enjoy it !!!!



Monday, September 11, 2023

Repeat , Repeat, Repeat .


Abusers / Narcissists call them what you like but everything they do or have done seems to repeat it's self........

  Surviving an abusive relationship isn't the easiest thing to do but yes of course it can be done because as I've said loads of times before I've lived through 28yrs of it and survived it !
Why do I keep repeating myself ? ......
 Because I'm ever hopeful that one day maybe just maybe who ever reads these blogs may just think to themselves  " OMG !!!!! thats just like me and if she can do it so can I !!!  " 🤔

Domestic abuse is a lot to do with repeats , the abusers/ Narcissists do it , the victims do it and yes I'll hold my hands up and admit to   even I'm doing it when I'm writting about it and that's because that's what some of domestic abuse is all about . 
  I've noticed having after escaping from my abuser that there's sometimes a sort of pattern to it all , it's like everything is on a continuous loop that just never stops going round and round . 

 Victims can't ever change the record because the abuser controls all the songs , they control how every single day and night is played and the victims know after a while exactly what will happen to them if they don't dance when ordered to dance .  
 The music might change over time but the backing track will always be exactly the same .

 I've discovered recently my now ex has all but repeated himself to those that have followed in my foot steps . 
  Same places visited , same heart breaking sob stories told and even rings brought to show his " ownership " plus all the same nasty spiteful comments when his finally dumped yet again .  

 Exactly the same controlling rules are used over who , where , what or how everything has to be done and finally the same old big black soul destroying and mentally damaging silences or massive temper tantrums if things don't go the right way .
Three of us ex-victims are now in contact with each other for full moral support and all three of us will do exacly same thing to the next one that comes along when they are ready and need it .

 Yes I'm just as bad about repeating the same stuff over and over again and I'm sorry if others don't like it but I'm afraid it has to be done and I will continue to do so for as long as I can . 
 Domestic abuse and its after effects has to be literally shoved in the face of those who want to sweep it under the carpet , it won't ever go away by itself and most certainly should never be hidden . It's a foul ugly massive big subject that needs to be brought out more into the open and then discussed about . I'm not suggesting everyone should instantly hate abusers that they don't know ( I'll leave that to those that have been abused ) but what I am saying is by all means hate all forms of Domestic abuse and just simply be there to talk to if anyone needs it. .
  Granted Its not a particularly pleasant subject to discuss and its not the most reverting or interesting one either to those who haven't experienced it but yet it's still happening all over the world and very few shout about it .
 I remember all to well those feelings and emotions I had when I was stuck in my own Domestic abusive hellish nightmare , thinking there was nobody out there to help me and it all must be my fault , that's exactly one of  the many reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing now . 

  There are thousands out there in this great big wide world who are right now being subjected to all sorts of horrendous forms of abuse , everything from having their every move controlled to extreme physical violence (even some sadly losing their life to it ) , it's the humongous giant elephant in the room and far too many people choose to ignore it and that's wrong on so many levels .

    🌏   WAKE UP WORLD  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  🌏

 I'm going to just keep on going doing this for as long as I can and its for all those that are/where abused and for those that haven't had that experience yet ,  I will continue to repeat things and be there for those that may need it ( email in profile if needed and all kept strictly confidential ) .
 Domestic abuse is full of endless ridiculous stupid rules made by those that abuse and I now refuse to obey to any ( OK maybe a few just to keep things legal and not be arrested in life  😉 ) , I'm sure I've properly broken a few along the way doing this but that's what domestic abuse is like , it doesn't have any set rules ( apart from of course those made by the abuser ) and like I said at the very start I'm going to say things as they are and just like I'm talking to a friend .  My blogs may contain repeated stuff ( my intentions are to inform and not bore ) , I may swear ( not as much as I'd like to ) , I may not have many followers ( please do ) or have hundreds of readers ( again please do ) and it may not always be full of long endlessy written words but what they will always contain will be truth and 100% genuine honesty ( and proberly very unlikely chance of any adverts either due to the subject matter perhaps not being interesting enough to others 🤔 ) .  
 If others don't like my posts because of the subject concerned or think its not interesting enough for them to read then tough don't bother reading it then  , sorry but domestic abuse may not be one of those really fascinating deep thinking mind gripping kind of subjects out there but it still exists and always will  , It will always be an unpleasant thing but that's life and its not going to ever change or go away quietly .


 That's enough negative thinking for the day I think and  I'm now breathing out all that bad air and replacing it all with the good stuff instead .
  The picture below has absolutely nothing to do with any of the subject matter above but what it does do however is help to remind me of the great day I've recently had when it was taken and that I'm now a free person to do as I like , no one will ever own me again and I can now do or go wherever I want . 
  Just because the sun is setting it doesn't mean to say tomorrow can't be an amazing day too !!!!!!!!



Risk Factor.

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