This is a world exclusive , its never been seen before and it's never been shared before . It's a small fragment example of my mashed up thoughts during my dark time period of domestic abuse...
🥀🥀🥀🥀
Slowly watching time tick by
Knowing that I am soon to die .
Don't cry for me I haven't gone
Just start to sing a different song .
🥀🥀🥀🥀
I remember all too well creating this little poem in my mind . It was during a time when I felt that I had nothing left but two choices to pick from in my life . The first was to tell my now ex that he had to leave after spending 28yrs being domestically abused with emotional , mental , Financial and all the other foul treatment or I could as I first wrote about at the begining of all my posts find myself leaving in a box with my name on it , I've shared it today for the first time ever with everyone because its about time it was set free .
Do you think that all sounds a little dramatic ?....🤔
That's because it was at the time .
I had not only tolerated the abuse for all those 28 ridicules years but I had also had to deal with the illness and death of a parent and I had almost recovered from a mild form of depression after having child number three .
As you can probably work out my poor old brain was rapidly becoming severely over loaded with crazy mixed up insane not so logical thoughts and emotions ( I still get the odd random moment of it even now but it doesn't last that long thankfully). I knew those thoughts were not my relatively normal ones and absolutely knew I didn't particularly like them very much . I knew I had to do something about it but the big question was what ?....
I quess its fairly obvious which one I decided upon and on a more personal note I think I've made a very excellent choice .
How can just one person have such a major effect on someone else's life to make them feel they would have to make such a decision?....
That's a tough question to answer and the therapist's of this world would probably be able to give some fantastic deep thought provoking answers but all I know is that over my time of domestic abuse I never really noticed it beginning to happen , It sort of just slowly decended on me . I knew the sun was shining somewhere but where I was I couldn't see it or feel its warmth .
Domestic abuse in all its many ugly forms is a horrendous place to find yourself in and that's exactly why as a survivor of it I now write all these postive thinking posts , I feel its my mission to show that there is a way out of it all and that those crazy foggy gloomy feelings can eventually start to clear . I keep that little rhyme ( written by myself for myself at the time ) that started this post tucked up safely in the back of my mind so that when the mist trys its best to decend I can remember how bad things once were and how far I've now travelled .
Everyone has their own unique ways of thinking happy thoughts and I have to admit writting everything down for me has been my cure , it all started as I've said a few times before as a purely selfish act in order for me to clear away the pile up of bad memories and now it's become what it is today . I try to always have a postive flip on things in life and if things start on the negative side like today then I always make a point of trying to finish with a positive . Today's post started on a very very dark theme but that's exacly what domestic abuse is all about and it needs to be spoken about more openly, it's one of those subject thst refuses to be swept under the carpet like it never existed .
That's enough of dismally glum haze for today I think , it's time to sprinkle a bit of positive thinking magical fairy dust around ✨️ ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️
Today here in England the sun is doing its best to warm up ( bit of a chilly start but it's getting there ) , I'm enjoying my usual first cup of tea of the day and the dog might just get a quick walk thrown in before I leave to go to work . Today is going to be another one of those " I'm going to rule my world " kind of days and if life dares to even try to throw a negative curve ball my way then I'm going to pick it up and simply just throw the stupid #££%@ thing straight back again !!
Thinking positive after spending years of having to be made to think negative is a novelty that hasn't worn off for me , there's so many amazing positive things to see and do that I'm just too busy to waste my time with anything negative .
If you feel your version of darkness creeping in then please find someone to talk to , it could be a friend , a helpline or even a random stranger. You could even do exacly what I do and write it all down , if you don't want anyone else to see it then why not just write it down , read it and then just rip it up or burn it . It's all about unlocking all those thoughts and letting them all out , it can take a bit of trust sometimes but its all well worth the effort in the end and if you feel that you either can't trust the people you know or you feel you just don't know what to do then please don't hesitate using the Email that's in my Profile , I may not have all the answers and I'm certainly not in any way a professional but I will I promise be confidential ,understanding and most importantly I will listern ( and then we can scream , shout or even swear together ) .
Why not make today your perfect day , see those beautiful flowers ( and those perfect Bluebells are at their prime at the moment ) , feel the warmth of the sun on your face and just simply enjoy the day .
