When it comes to domestic abuse, what classes as being helpful ?....
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Is it the advice given by others?...
Absolutly !
But you don't necessarily have to follow any or all of it . You just have to plough your way through it all and then work out what things work best for you .
Is it those not so helpful comments kindly given by those that clearly don't understand about " why don't you just leave ? "....
NO !!!!
Because if it was that easy to do then the person concerned wouldn't be in that position in the first place and need others help .
Is it the phenomenal background support from the friends that you've somehow managed to keep?....
Again absolutely 💯 %
They are the one's that have been your backbone of support when ever you needed it .
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All of the above may sound like really obviouse questions and answers, but when you find yourself all wrapped up in a domestic abusive relationship you can't always see the obvious.
Personally I think the worst advice can sometimes come from those that have no idea what it can be like in a situation like that and oh boy ! have I heard my fair share of some of those stupid, totally unhelpful comments from not particularly not-so helpful friends and family .
The first and most important thing anyone can do when faced with a domestic abuse victim is to just listern .
The abuse sufferer just needs to talk with no judgement or criticism being given back in return , they just simply need to say what ever it is that's been locked away inside of them for so long and let it all out . Yes there may be a bit of inner anger appearing but that will be all the frustration finally being released and it won't ever be directed towards the person listening and always make sure you have tissues at hand ready to catch those long held back tears .
The only sound advice this domestic abuse survivor can offer is to find someone you trust and talk to them, it can be a professional qualified person ( which I'm not ) , a good deeply trusted friend or a totally random stranger you meet whilst waiting for a bus .
The whole point is that once you start talking you also start seeing the light at the end of your dark tunnel of abuse and once you see that first glimmer then your journey of recovery has just begun .
My posts where never meant to be a guide or be a go to for an endless stream of possibly helpful phone numbers or websites ( different countries have different ones ) but what it is meant for is to show proof that domestic abuse can be survived and life is actually pretty good . I can't ever offer the magic that will encourage others to leave an abuser because the only person that has that magic is the victim themselves, they can only do it when they are good and ready to do it and then they will be ready to except the help that's out there .
All I can offer completely free of charge is the knowledge that domestic abuse can be beaten and survived reasonably successfully if you really want to do it , if you need to talk then I will listern ( just check out my blog email in my profile ) .
I'm not anything special or highly educated but I'd like to think I've got top grades in showing you can be positive and strong after tolerating domestic abuse , I've said it many times but yes if I can do it so can anyone else if they really want to .......believe in it and it can happen !!!
You could spend endless hours and thousands in money trying to find the right therapist or counselling and yes I'm sure it could work well if that's your chosen direction but the greatest and cheapest I've ever found is the trust I have in my good friends when I need to talk and of course there's my love of just being outside enjoying the fresh air ( regardless of the weather) .
I could suggest you spend a disgusting amount of money on paying someone else or even me to give you all the answers you think you might need , but I'm not ever going to do that because not all answers will be the right ones unless the person asking really believes in them .
There is and always will be just one solitary person who has the right to control your entire existence and thats yourself , only you get to choose what you do , and if you make a wrong choice then simply just learn from it and don't walk in that direction again .
The road you travel in life and the various paths you take are all yours and no-one else's, if you wake up one morning and suddenly decide you fancy giving sky- diving or swimming with sharks a go ( and if you can afford it of course ) then why not go for it ! .
Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed and as I've mentioned many times before life is too short to get it wrong , and you only get the one go at it .
Today be that much needed and trusted all important friend and listern if it's needed , it doesn't ever matter where or how it's done , just being there can be the most important and special thing you do . It doesn't matter what the subject matter is or if it envolves a bit of swearing ( personally I'd join in with it ) , it's all about letting whatever it is that's burning away on the inside find a way out .
Simply just being there to listern can be the most amazing helpful thing you can ever do .
