Insperation .

 

  Inspirational motervation ( well that's the plan anyway )........

    You guys know already about my 28yrs of domestic abuse and I've shared the bare basic bones of it all on my variouse posts, yes it was a lot more soul distroying and self worth destructive than it first appears but its impossible to write down every single boring day or scrabble around trying to find the right fitting descriptive words to fit . Let's just say it wasn't a particularly meaningful part of my existence but on the positive side one day I found the inner strengh needed and I'm now enjoying every single minute of my new found freedom .

   I started the whole process a few years ago in order to put some sort of filing system to my thinking  , writting everything down somewhere has been amazing cheap therapy and it helped clear those crazy non logical thoughts out of my head .

     As you can all tell I decided to keep going with it to show others there is always a rainbow after every storm ,  I never expected anything much to come from it or thousands to read it but its seemed to have gathered its own motivation and now it's read in various different countries ( which I'm grateful for of course ) ,  the next question then came to mind would I consider sharing my postive views on life to others and be an inspirational writer/speaker about domestic abuse ?....

   I think my past domestic abuse posts speak for themselves ,  I would quite happily stand up in front of a room full of total strangers and talk about the rarely discussed subject of domestic abuse. 

  

      

  Now you have to remember this is coming from a person that would never used to challenge anyone and who used to avoid anything that could possibly cause the nerves to begin to shake even slightly .  My self confidence was well and truly frazzled to say the least and I never admitted to anyone about the all suffercating unhappiness I once felt .

  I had been mushed , squashed , desensitised and 100% discombobulated . 

I felt worthless to everyone and anyone .

  Now I count my self unbelievable lucky to have survived it all because I know there's some out there not so lucky . If you saw me walking up the street you would have no idea what I'd been through or that I once thought that maybe jumping off a motorway bridge was a good idea , domestic abuse survivors don't have signs or wear badges of declaration  , we are simply just perfectly reasonably normal people who have won our own personal major battle .   

   I now tell anyone that asks ( and even some that don't ) all about my domestic abusive past because I feel its a subject that isn't talked about nearly enough , I won't dodge the subject matter any more and neither do I care if my now very much ex-abuser finds out !!

  

  

   My future plan is to now inspire and motivate others to face up to reality and not only discuss domestic abuse openly but also support those that have either been there or are unfortunate enough to be still going though it .  I will never have all the answers but what I do have are ears that will listern and I will offer my full support to anyone .

    I'll keep shouting about how wrong domestic abuse is till my dying day and if it means standing all alone on a stage telling the darkness in front of me all about myself then I will .

   

 I'm a domestic abuse survivor and proud of it !!!!!!!

  I climbed out of my foul stinking pit my abuser insisted on keeping me in and now I stand with my head head high admiring the outstanding view of the world I can now see .

  Was the climb easy ?....

   

    No but then nothing really is but it's what you decide to make of it that really counts .

    There are loads of people or groups out there that are more than willing to help those coming out of domestic abuse and you don't have to do it on your own , if you don't like the idea of talking to a stranger then my Blog Email can be found in my profile . Please never believe there is no hope left like I once did , I'm living , breathing proof there's life after domestic abuse . 

  

    Today's last postive thought is.......

  Always be true to yourself because your worth it  !!!!!!

   

Gone but not forgotton.

 

Never forgotton......

  This is my first post after a very long delay , life has been throwing a few curve balls in my direction recently and in my classic face things head on positive thinking way I've been dealing with it all . Nothing major but enough to slow the inner clockworks down just a bit . Readers of my posts you haven't been forgotton and I shall now try to keep up with myself .

     I could have simply just put a sign up saying " Do not disturb " and shut myself away from  the world untill it all went away but being that life doesn't work like that , I've had to put my big girl pants on and get on with sorting it all out .

  Some of you may of been reading from the start or random posts . It all started due to sorting out my mashed up brain after 28yrs of extremely unpleasant domestic abuse , I needed to find a way of letting all my built up frustration , confusion and unanswerable questions out so I began to write it all down and goodness hasn't it been the best therapy ever !!!!

 

 

  I still have many endless questions without answers, but I now believe if I can't fix it or change it then why worry about it .  My domestic abuse wasn't the greatest time of my life but in a weird way its taught me to be grateful for the postive things I now have . I started this whole thing as I've said many times before for completly selfish reasons but decided along the way to keep on going with it in order to show others that there's always a way out if you really want it and people will regardless of what you think will help and listern to you .

  Never ever stop believing in yourself or your dreams because you are and always will be an amazing person , you can do anything if you set your mind to it ( with in reason of course ) .

   Recently I've started to reveal to others all about my secret little life of writting all of this stuff on here ( came as a bit of a supprise to some 🤣 ) but that's just how confident and comfortable it's made me and yes maybe I might actually seriously consider turning it all in to sort of self help book eventually . I fully believe that if I can escape domestic abuse and survive it then so can anyone else . 

   

    This once quite shy , reserved  and nervous wreck who would hide behind the sofa when the doorbell rang and run away from spiders on the bathroom wall now puts on her full body armour and leads the fight against anyone that dares to want to challenge me . I will never forget my past existence and in a very strange way I'm grateful for it because without it , I wouldn't be the person that I am today . 

   

  Can anyone beat the vile bullies of this world that think violence is the answer to everything ?....

    Of course they can , although it can't be seen at the time there is always a light burning at the end of every domestic abusive tunnel . 

    No one ever has the right to treat another person the way domestic abusers do and the victim most certainly never asks for it or deserves it . No one should ever think they have the right to control another persons actions or try to distruct someone else's character by belittling them .

 Always remember all bullies are nothing but big cowards really who will fall to their knees when someone bigger and stronger comes along .

  

   

  Now let's start thinking on the bright positive side,  your day will always be what ever you make it to be ,  it's your life and your day so make it a good one .  Believe that nice things happen to good people and that you are the best example of yourself , so be proud of everything you do . It doesn't matter how small or insignificant you think your actions might be , still try to give your 110% ( people may not notice the 100 but they will always notice the extra 10 )  . 

   How did I manage to get so annoyingly optimistic and positive after everything I've been through ?...

 

     That's one of easiest and most simplistic questions I can ever answer , it's because I believe in living  life to it's fullest and I intend to enjoy each and every minute of it . 

 If I'm lucky enough to wake up in the morning  then fantastic and if I'm still breathing then it's a bonus so I'll make the most of it . 

   All the things I used to be told I was usless at I now do with enthusiasm and as for apprently being ugly ,, well no one's laughed at me yet !!!!

 I'm having more fun in life now than I think I've had for an extremely long time and I fully intend to keep on going enjoying it intill they put the lid on my coffin and even then I might cause a bit of trouble 🤣

  My whole point with this post today is that you are the only person who has the right to control your existence , you are the one who can create your future so plan it well and love living it . 

   The "charming person " who once was my domestic abuser is the unhappy one not me , he will spend his life going around in ever decreasing circles trying to control everyone he gets in contact with and eventually they have enough of it and leave him . Abusers are the lowest form of life in my opinion and they will never ever be content with what they have in life , they don't deserve any respect from others . 

    If you are or were in the same position I was once in then can I suggest that you start talking to people who can and will help. Trust me, they actually will listern to you without criticism or judgement .

   Make today your day !!!!!!!

  

  

   

  

 

   

 

   

    

  

  

   

  

  

   

Risk Factor.

 

Domestic abuse happens and thats a fact !!....

but what isn't a fact is that it doest matter if you manage to escape it or not. the risk factor will always remain with you .

     Now I count myself extremely lucky that I managed to get myself out of my dismal pit of domestic abuse several years ago but although I'm now very much grateful my life is 100% much better there will always be in the dark background that feeling that I will never completely be free from it  . 

   Those memories of past unpleasant events will still linger and the reminder of " if ever you leave me , I will kill you " will always be a part of my life . I'd like to think my now abusive ex is too distracted by his latest victim to punish me but as the saying goes....Never say never.

  I make it a habit to know roughly the whereabouts my monster under the bed is hiding ( never wanting to know the full address but only the town /city ) , I don't care less what the hell that monster is doing but what I do care about is that the dark cave his crawled in is at a nice safe enough distance. 

  Do I honestly think my ex abuser would seriously carry out his threat ?....

   Possibly not but I've no intention of giving him the opportunity to either .

  I've learnt over the years to keep myself out of any situation that could lead to any problems , I make sure if I happen to go out of an evening I never walk home to far on my own and most importantly I make sure people know where I'm going and who I'm with . I've also made sure that my friends and love ones  know all about the threats and so if anything odd or unusual did happen to me then they know exactly where to point the finger of suspicion first.

Am I scared ?....

  No, not really, because if I was I wouldn't be able to enjoy living my life .

 Simple little basic things but all I feel necessary don't you?....

  I refuse flatly to even contemplate wasting any of my valuable time or energy on something or someone that has no respect for me and I most deffinatly won't give the time of day to worrying about something that might or might not happen , life is far too short .

  If I had been asked the same question whilst my abuse was happening then maybe my answer would have been a totally different one , I was far to scared to challenge anything and I most certainly didn't have any inner strengh left to fight against it .

 Now I'm not afraid about excepting the fact that one day my time on this earth will be up but as I've said before I'm not in a crazy mad rush for it to happen ( actually I'd quite like not to be there when it happens either if you see what I mean ). My aim untill that time happens is enjoy every single breath I can take and be thankful for it .This survivor will never allow anyone or anything to ruin a resonably decent and happy life .

   Threats can unfortunately turn into reality sometimes  but maybe eventually one day others will begin to realise that just because someone may survive or escape domestic abuse the risk assessment will never pass , the bad dreams may decline but they never totally leave and a domestic abuser will always be a domestic abuser.  

  The bitterness and hatred contained inside a person that abuses never really leaves them and the only thing that really changes is the person it's directed to . 

  

   Why did I choose this subject for this particular post today ?.....

  It all started with a form I was filling in , the first question was...Are you suffering from domestic abuse?  

    My answer to this was No .

The next question was ....Are you at risk of domestic abuse?

 This got me thinking and the more I thought about it the more stupid the question sounded . Yes , of course I'm still at risk of it , all the time my ex abuser is alive and kicking I will always be at risk of it .

 I answered yes but then thought maybe I should explain my actions in order for it to make sense to the person reading it . This then lead to a phone call where I kindly informed them of just how stupid that question was ( polity of course ) .

Not sure how well it went down but their response was that it had to cover every individual ( not even close to being a good enough excuse ) and it's a really good example of how little some people understand about domestic abuse. 

   I feel that if I found that question above silly then so would fellow domestic abuse victims or survivors , it's encredibly frustrating that even in this day and age so few understand or want to listern.  They will blindly go along thinking everything is either black or white but they alway fail to notice the grey areas all around . Its that ignorance that's made me continue to write about domestic abuse even  after I originally put down my story ( look all the way back to my very first posts if you want to know more ) ,  if I can help make others see that domestic abuse isn't as simplistic as people think it is and the feelings and thoughts of those that survive it never change .

  Now I have a request that I hope a few will take on , please don't ever assume that domestic abuse ends as soon as someone manages to escape from it . That person will be in deep recovery mode so they will need patience , understanding and most importantly a friend who at least attempts to try to understand instead of asking stupid questions.

  

  Never forget the risk of domestic abuse is always there even if the situation isn't. 

  

 

  

  

 

    

Have no regrets.

    

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  Domestic abuse is just like walking in a mine field ,  you never  know exacly when the next explosion could happen and it's always unexpected.....

   It doesn't matter how hard you try to walk carefully around everything or how much you try to protect yourself , it will still happen . Those that domestically abuse never care about what their doing at the time and you can garrentee the blame will always be someone else's fault . 

 Naturally in their eyes at least they are and always will be the completely innocent party of all crimes commited .

  Personally I think they just all come over as a bunch of incredibly sad and lonely individuals who obviously don't have the intelligence to know how to act like a civil decent human being . I can honestly say this because the few I've actually had the misfortune to meet don't seem to have a single respectable bone in their bodies. 

    Maybe their brains cells are all wired up differently , who can tell ? ...

They certainly all seem to run with the same sort of boiling red  hot steam and all will blow their fuses at any given opportunity.  

   As a domestic abuse survivor of several years now , I can honestly say that in my time of recovery I've yet to work out any logical rhyme or reason as to why they all have to do what they do . Yes , a large part is I think perhaps learnt behavour but that still doesn't excuse their actions. There are so many questions and no way nearly enough answers when it comes to discussing domestic abuse .

  Can you ever forgive a domestic abuser ?....

  That is entirely up to the individual concerned ,  myself I feel absolutely nothing not even hate so I don't waste my time on forgiving anyone or anything. I am however stuck permanently with never being able to forget so I now use that energy to write these posts and encourage fellow domestic abuse victims. 

This eternal postive thinker will never let those B@#£&?ds get me down !!!!!!!!!

  I can genuinely and honestly say that I have no regrets in my choices I've made in life so far and that's because if I hadn't of lived the sort of life I have lived then I never would have never learnt from my mistakes . If I had never meet my abuser therefor my children would never exist and if the abuse never happened then I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now .

  It might be a simplistic way of looking at things but it works for me 😊.

   Nowadays I refuse flatly to ever lose my temper or get angry with anyone because its all a big total waste of time and energy , I'd much prefer to just sit down and simply discuss things over a nice cup of tea or a glass of something alcoholic.......much more polite and civilised don't you think 🤔. 

  Domestic abusers can waste their lives away hating the world but no one else has to join in with them  , let them eat away at themselfs with their own poisonous venom instead of taking it out on someone else . 

     How easy is it to have No Regrets?....

Actually it's a fairly surprisingly easy thing to do once you teach yourself the basics then the rest will just come naturally. 

The trick is to try to do things that work for you , don't stress out worrying about what other people want or think they might need , basically try doing things for yourself instead .

 Why live in the past ?... 

you've already been there once , try living for the future instead it's much better place .

   

Domestic abuse doesn't need to be a life sentence  , you can breakaway from it if you really want to. It's not an impossible distant dream because I've done it and survived it and if I can do it , so can anyone else . Why waste any more valuable precious years on someone who doesn't appreciate what they have . Time is a very special thing and people just don't seem to have nearly enough of it and your a long time dead so why not make the use of what you've got . 

  Regretting what you may of done or not done in life is a waste because if you can't fix it or change it then why worry about  it , just concentrate on improving what you already have instead .  Having No Regrets is by far a much better option because it makes an amazing solid  base to build a strong life on , each and every year is another brick to add to an already powerfully exciting existence . 

 One of my own personal bonuses from surviving my years of extremely unpleasant events is I discovered I had a new found inner strengh , some people build strong walls around themselves to help protect their emotions but mine is on the inside instead , this hidden unseen to the naked eye strength and power has given my once deflated confidence a major burst of fresh recharge and no I tackle any challenge head on inside of hiding behind the sofa waiting for it all to go away  .

  Granted the feelings after escaping domestic abuse are all individually unique and for a while it can be a really mixed up bag of crazy  but I quite like this one and use it to my advantage an a regular basis.  

           

   I am now my own all powerful personal superhero who never hesitates to come to the rescue when the unwelcome things try to knock on my door . No one will ever try to rule my little world for me ever again !!

     

   Never regret anything in life just learn from it instead , never wallow in your own rivers of self pity and most importantly learn to accept yourself exactly the way you are because once you begin to love yourself,  someone else will do it too. 

  

   

  

   

  

  

    

   

   

   

   

  

With Thanks .

 

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  My story of domestic abuse and its recovery first started roughly three years ago and it was as I've honestly admitted several times before originally started for my own personal selfish reasons ....

     I unfortunately wasted 28 extremly long , tiresome and hard years enduring endless emotional , mental , controlling , financial and other forms of domestic abuse ( but never physical ) . The person I once was became almost evaporated into nothing and I spent several years forgetting who I really was , almost to the point of thinking maybe I didn't want to breath any more . I decided that after successfully rearranging my whole entire life by informing my now very much ex abuser that he had most deffinatly out stayed his foul abusive welcome and that all those crazy mixed up thoughts and memories wizzing around inside my head needed to be put in some sort of vague order so I began posting it all in a blog never really fully expecting anyone to bother reading it  . 

 

   🎉  Today, this will be my 100th post !!!!! 🎉

        ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

   Surviving from domestic abuse has most certainly been an Interesting experience ( notice the classic English sarcasim used here ) and something I'm not in a big rush to do again but for all those stuck in a similar position as I once was in , I fully suggest to sum up all the brave strength you have inside and then take that first leap to freedom . Scary maybe to begin with but never forget there are endless groups and people out there who can help you when you decide the time is right .

   Always remember it's the domestic abuser with all the problems and never you !! 

    Has writting everything down on various posts helped in my recovery?...

                      Massively Big time!!!

   

   Putting my Story down somewhere has been a phenomenal help and I fully suggest others who are or have been involved in any forms of domestic abuse give it a go . Unlike mine no-one else needs to ever read what ever it is you decide to scribble down and again unlike me you don't have the added worry about any bad spelling mistakes being noticed . Everything written in my posts are 100% fact with no identities or locations ever mentioned in order to give myself some degree of privacy , granted it doesn't look or read just how horrible my life really once was but after 28yrs it does become a little bit difficult to remember each and every days individual abuse because it all sort of merged into one after a while  .

    Surviving from domestic abuse is now one of my many ongoing things in life and its a constant learning curve , not only has the person I once was gleefully returned but I now have this really annoying desire to be constantly positive in everything I try to do . My once selfishly written posts have now become more about finding that inner strength and positivity as well as proof that if I can survive my dark days then so can anyone else .

   Looking at other people's posts/blogs  about various other things most seem to be either promoting something or trying to sell something but that has never been my intention here , domestic abuse is a subject many avoid talking about and only those who have been there will ever truly understand it . It was never going to be a riverting ,  interesting , thought provoking or informative discussion to have with anyone but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be talked or written about . How will others learn or begin to understand if the whole thing is just swept under the carpet like it never existed  ?....

              🌍  WAKE UP WORLD !!!!!!! 🌎 

   Domestic abuse is happening right now to someone somewhere and ignoring it won't make it all go away , that person involved needs help and support right now and not ignoring . The ugly fact is that it can happen to absolutly anyone , anywhere at anytime regardless or race , age or sex . 

  Next time someone raises the subject about domestic abuse try talking to them about it instead of just changing the subject . 

    I've mentioned a couple of times before that if asked I would be fully prepared to stand up in front of a room full of total random strangers to discus not only my time of abuse but also domestic abuse in general , this is how strongly I feel about getting other people's heads out of the sand . I could spend my days researching all the many variouse groups , helplines and media sites all over the world that can offer help but unfortunatly it would all read a lot more boring than any of my posts and I feel others need more of a personal touch rather than just names or numbers ( If anyone needs to know that there's someone out there who will listern then my blog email can be found in my profile ) .

   What started out as a personal self help kind of therapy thing has now expanded onto various other social media sites and I plan to keep on going with it all for as long as possible . One day but most likely not in my lifetime others will learn to except that the only way to stamp out domestic abuse is to face the whole thing head on and those that domestically abuse others don't ever deserve to have a hiding place or have their feeble excuses for their actions believed .

    If you feel brave enough ( or bored enough 🤔 ) then by all means start my story of domestic abuse from the very begining and you'll notice how over time my attitude and strengh grows ( and I'd like to think my writing has improved a little bit too ) . I've never been afraid to write about the really unpleasant things and I've never set an age limit on it either because my theory is if domestic abuse doesn't have one then why should I .

   I'll finish today by saying a humongous thank you to all of you who have taken time to read because without you my message about domestic abuse and being positive wouldn't be able to take its journey around the world .  

Meanwhile I'm silently celebrating my 100th post by having my usual cup of tea and perhaps a chocolate biscuit or three all safe in the knowledge that people are actually reading my posts , taking notice and the scary monster thats been hiding under the bed called domestic abuse for far too many  years is slowly now being fought back 😊 .

   

     

  

   

   

   

  

   

  

   

  

  

   

  

    

  

  

  

   

Tomorrows Future .

 

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In domestic abuse there's something that some times gets forgotton about ( maybe forgotten isn't quite the right word here but I can't think of a better one  ) and that's the children that unfortunatly find themselves entangled into it all ....

   Father's , Mothers , Grandparents and everyone else involved in a family going through domestic abuse right now please listern ........Children don't deserve having to tolerate witnessing domestic abuse happen , they didn't agree or ask to be pawns in a giant scale Adult game of chess , so for their sake kindly keep them out of it please !!

   It's bad enough domestic abuse has to happen to anyone in general but when there's children in the middle of it all then it can get seriously ugly and in the worse cases they learn from it and think its all perfectly normal to then do it as they get older......it's up to us to break that circle of learnt behavour .

   

   As you all know by now from my previous posts, I'm a mother of 3 now grown up children and I'm extremly grateful they knew there was a better way in life rather than be like their father , this unfortunatly can't always be said for other children . When as a child you see a parent bulling or intimidating someone else in order to get what they want and it works then your going to try to use the same tactics unless of course your taught at a very young age that that isn't the correct way to go about things .

   Children shouldn't ever have to watch like I did when I was young one parent hit or kick the other parent out of anger for all the obvious reasons ( and yes of course this means every kind of relationship ) , we are supposed to be the sensible adults not temper tantrum throwing three year olds . It's our responsibility to set good postive examples to our children , we are the one's who are setting the seeds for all the future generations. 

  Divorce/separation can be extremely unpleasant thing to happen sometimes and there's occasionally a full all out war on where the children should live , most times it's the mother who will gain custody but what if it's the mother who is the domestic abuser ?....

   That question is a complicated one to answer because yes , I agree children absolutly should go to where ever is the safest place to live but that isn't always the case . It's exceptionally harder work for a father to get full custody of their children after they have suffered domestic abuse than it is for a mother and that's wrong on so many different levels .

    Here in England there is an amazing group called Fathers for Justice ( not just for domestic abuse victims ) and it all first started because things were so ridiculously one sided , things have improved over the years but it's still no where near good enough.  Why should a father have to fight for sometimes years just to have his own children when a mother automatically gets them instantly ?....

     That's just yet another unanswerable question .

   I know for a fact my children heard and saw a great deal of my abuse , they would as I mentioned before disappear into their own rooms , get absorbed into what ever electronic game they were playing or simply just pretend that what ever programme happened to be on the television was really interesting . Just because they looked distracted never meant they didn't know what was going on , children can be the greatest of actors when it comes to pretending they never saw or heard something .

   Children can and do bounce back from all sorts of horrible things in life including domestic abuse and they have this jaw dropping ability to be able to always smile when all around them seems sad but just because they can doesn't mean to say they should have to . It doesn't matter how old a person's child or children may be they will always be that person's baby , they will never grow out of needing a parents advice or safeguarding. 

   Some Domestic abusers ( not all ) see having  children has a form of ownership , they will suggest  having children as a way of trying to keep someone exactly where they want them . 

Now this doesn't always work but if your ever unfortunate enough to hear this from someone my suggestion is to run very fast in the direction of very far far away because it could save an whole lot of trouble in the future . 

   Would those that domestically abuse really use having children has a way of keeping someone ?....

                         Absolutly  !!!!! 

They will use everything and anything in order to get someone under their total control .

 I will never regret having my children but I will always feel guilty for what they had to be witness to , there may of never been any violence involved but that doesn't mean the words used were not just as painful or cutting . I have since then made it my all important job to raise them knowing that good manners , politeness and respect for others can carry you anywhere .

   Domestic abuse in all its many foul versions isn't the greatest thing but to have children somehow connected to it has to be the lowest of all lows , they are the innocent ones and they shouldn't ever be brought into the equation.  Those that abuse may not care very much about what their doing when they bring a child into their mad crazy little world but I do and so should everyone else !

   Children are not and never should be something to use against someone else like a weapon to cause as much pain as possible and they most certainly are not a prize that needs to be won . It may take two people to make that child but it can if needed take only one to raise them correctly if necessary . 

Today's Children are Tomorrow's future !!!!

 

    

  

  

    

    

   

   

   

  

 

    

   

  

Whats Helpful ?

 

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  When it comes to domestic abuse, what classes as being helpful ?....

                     ----------------------------------

  Is it the advice given by others?...

  

  Absolutly !

But you don't necessarily have to follow any or all of it . You just have to plough your way through it all and then work out what things work best for you .

                                                 

  Is it those not so helpful comments kindly given by those that clearly don't understand about " why don't you just leave ? "....

  NO !!!! 

Because if it was that easy to do then the person concerned wouldn't be in that position in the first place and need others help .

 Is it the phenomenal background support from the friends that you've somehow managed to keep?....

  Again absolutely 💯 % 

 They are the one's that have been your backbone of support when ever you needed it .

                    -----------------------------------------

All of the above may sound like really obviouse questions and answers, but when you find yourself all wrapped up in a domestic abusive relationship you can't always see the obvious.

  Personally I think the worst advice can sometimes come from those that have no idea what it can be like in a situation like that and oh boy ! have I heard my fair share of some of those stupid, totally unhelpful comments from not particularly not-so helpful friends and family . 

   The first and most important thing anyone can do when faced with a domestic abuse victim is to just listern . 

The abuse sufferer just needs to talk with no judgement or criticism being given back in return , they just simply need to say what ever it is that's been locked away inside of them for so long and let it all out . Yes there may be a bit of inner anger appearing but that will be all the frustration finally being released and it won't ever be directed towards the person listening and always make sure you have tissues at hand ready to catch those long held back tears .

   The only sound advice this domestic abuse survivor can offer is to find someone you trust and talk to them,  it can be a professional qualified person ( which I'm not ) , a good deeply trusted friend or a totally random stranger you meet whilst waiting for a bus .     

 The whole point is that once you start talking you also start seeing the light at the end of your dark tunnel of abuse and once you see that first glimmer then your journey of recovery has just begun .

    

   My posts where never meant to be a guide or be a go to for an endless stream of possibly helpful phone numbers or websites ( different countries have different ones ) but what it is meant for is to show proof that domestic abuse can be survived and life is actually pretty good . I can't ever offer the magic that will encourage others to leave an abuser because the only person that has that magic is the victim themselves,  they can only do it when they are good and ready to do it and then they will be ready to except the help that's out there .

   All I can offer completely free of charge is the knowledge that domestic abuse can be beaten and survived reasonably successfully if you really want to do it , if you need to talk then I will listern ( just check out my blog email in my profile ) . 

  I'm not anything special or highly educated but I'd like to think I've got top grades in showing you can be positive and strong after tolerating domestic abuse , I've said it many times but yes if I can do it so can anyone else if they really want to .......believe in it and it can happen !!!

   You could spend endless hours and thousands in money trying to find the right therapist or counselling and yes I'm sure it could work well if that's your chosen direction but the greatest and cheapest I've ever found is the trust I have in my good friends when I need to talk and of course there's my love of just being outside enjoying the fresh air ( regardless of the weather) .

   I could suggest you spend a disgusting amount of money on paying someone else or even me to give you all the answers you think you might need , but I'm not ever going to do that because not all answers will be the right ones unless the person asking really believes in them .

    There is and always will be just one solitary person who has the right to control your entire existence and thats yourself , only you get to choose what you do , and if you make a wrong choice then simply just learn from it and don't walk in that direction again . 

   The road you travel in life and the various paths you take are all yours and no-one else's,  if you wake up one morning and suddenly decide you fancy giving sky- diving or swimming with sharks a go ( and if you can afford it of course ) then why not go for it ! .

Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed and as I've mentioned many times before life is too short to get it wrong , and you only get the one go at it .

    Today be that much needed and trusted all important friend and listern if it's needed , it doesn't ever matter where or how it's done , just being there can be the most important and special thing you do . It doesn't matter what the subject matter is or if it envolves a bit of swearing ( personally I'd join in with it ) , it's all about letting whatever it is that's burning away on the inside find a way out .

   Simply just being there to listern can be the most amazing helpful thing you can ever do .

  

  

  

 

   

    

   

   

    

    

  

   

   

World exclusive.

 

google.com, pub-3714781576562227, DIRECT, f08c47fec0942fa0

This is a world exclusive , its never been seen before and it's never been shared before . It's a small fragment example of my mashed up thoughts during my dark time period of domestic abuse...

                    🥀🥀🥀🥀

Slowly watching time tick by 

Knowing that I am soon to die .

Don't cry for me I haven't gone

Just start to sing a different song .

                     🥀🥀🥀🥀

 I remember all too well creating this little poem in my mind . It was during a time when I felt that I had nothing left but two choices to pick from in my life . The first was to tell my now ex that he had to leave after spending 28yrs being domestically abused with emotional , mental , Financial and all the other foul treatment or I could as I first wrote about at the begining of all my posts find myself leaving in a box with my name on it ,  I've shared it today for the first time ever with everyone because its about time it was set free .

   

  Do you think that all sounds a little dramatic ?....🤔

   That's because it was at the time .

  I had not only tolerated the abuse for all those 28 ridicules years but I had also had to deal with the illness and death of a parent and I had almost recovered from a mild form of depression after having child number three . 

   As you can probably work out my poor old brain was rapidly becoming severely over loaded with crazy mixed up insane not so logical thoughts and emotions ( I still get the odd random moment of it even now but it doesn't last that long thankfully). I knew those thoughts were not my relatively normal ones and absolutely knew I didn't particularly like them very much . I knew I had to do something about it but the big question was what ?.... 

I quess its fairly obvious which one I decided upon and on a more personal note I think I've made a very excellent choice .

   

  How can just one person have such a major effect on someone else's life to make them feel they would have to make such a decision?....

   That's a tough question to answer and the therapist's of this world would probably be able to give some fantastic deep thought provoking answers but all I know is that over my time of domestic abuse I never really noticed it beginning to happen , It sort of just slowly decended on me . I knew the sun was shining somewhere but where I was I couldn't see it or feel its warmth .

   

    Domestic abuse in all its many ugly forms is a horrendous place to find yourself in and that's exactly why as a survivor of it I now write all these postive thinking posts , I feel its my mission to show that there is a way out of it all and that those crazy foggy gloomy feelings can eventually start to clear . I keep that little rhyme ( written by myself for myself at the time  )  that started this post tucked up safely in the back of my mind so that when the mist trys its best to decend I can remember how bad things once were and how far I've now travelled .

   Everyone has their own unique ways of thinking happy thoughts and I have to admit writting everything down for me has been my cure , it all started as I've said a few times before as a purely selfish act in order for me to clear away the pile up of bad memories and now it's become what it is today . I try to always have a postive flip on things in life and if things start on the negative side like today then I always make a point of trying to finish with a positive . Today's post started on a very very dark theme but that's exacly what domestic abuse is all about and it needs to be spoken about more openly, it's one of those subject thst refuses to be swept under the carpet like it never existed .

 That's enough of dismally glum haze for today I think ,  it's time to sprinkle a bit of positive thinking magical fairy dust around ✨️ ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

          

  Today here in England the sun is doing its best to warm up ( bit of a chilly start but it's getting there ) , I'm enjoying my usual first cup of tea of the day and the dog might just get a quick walk thrown in before I leave to go to work . Today is going to be another one of those " I'm going to rule my world " kind of days and if life dares to even try to throw a negative curve ball my way then I'm going to pick it up and simply just throw the stupid #££%@  thing straight back again  !!

    Thinking positive after spending years of having to be made to think negative is a novelty that hasn't worn off for me , there's so many amazing positive things to see and do that I'm just too busy to waste my time with anything negative .  

     If you feel your version of darkness creeping in then please find someone to talk to , it could be a friend , a helpline or even a random stranger.  You could even do exacly what I do and write it all down , if you don't want anyone else to see it then why not just write it down  , read it and then just rip it up or burn it  . It's all about unlocking all those thoughts and letting them all out , it can take a bit of trust sometimes but its all well worth the effort in the end and if you feel that you either can't trust the people you know or you feel you just don't know what to do then please don't hesitate using the Email that's in my Profile , I may not have all the answers and I'm certainly not in any way a professional but I will I promise be confidential ,understanding and most importantly I will listern ( and then we can scream , shout or even swear together ) .

    Why not make today your perfect day , see those beautiful flowers ( and those perfect Bluebells are at their prime at the moment ) , feel the warmth of the sun on your face and just simply enjoy the day .