Christmas Eve .

 

" Twas the night before Christmas , when all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse "

                        🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

  We've finally made it .... the presents are all brought and wrapped  ,  the food is prepared and all the excited children have gone to bed  .  

Sounds perfect doesn't it , but hold on a minute what about those that are not do lucky ?........

  For those whose only anticipation the next morning is when things will all kick off yet again or which part of the day will be best forgotten .  There's no happy in Christmas when your living with a domestic abuser , it's just a waiting game instead .

  Things can start off going quite well but it can only take one silly little random thing to change the whole situation.                                   I remember those times all too well and the excuses made to the children in the morning as why there was crashing and banging going on during the night ( mainly empty cardboard boxes flying across the room that had contained presents) . The demands of " where's my breakfast ? " or " why did you buy me this piece of  usless s#£t ? "  were yearly and things never improved very much as the day went on .

    It's one of those times of year that although you may be surrounded by people , you still can't help feeling very much alone .    It 's just yet another day to the abused victim but with added tinsel , there's not much Ho Ho Ho going on .  

  This post is totally dedicated to all domestic abuse suffers past , present and future  . As a survivor I can have total sympathy to how Christmas can be at times the most horrendous time of year. Its a thing that that can never really be understood unless you've been unfortunate enough to have experienced it ,  I have and please , please if you need to talk then just use my blog email that can be found in my profile , I shall be checking on it on a regular basis during the day just in case .                                                        

    This is just a very short post without my normal rambling words due to it being a bit late and sleep being much needed for the chaos in the morning but........

Look after each other , stay safe  and don't forget I'm in the background if required. 

    May your Christmas day be a calm and peaceful one 😊 

                 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

                                         

  

Words

 

It's not what you say but how you say it that really matters..........

   Just saying a few simple words can seem completely harmless , but they can have an enormous effect sometimes . When I write these posts I try to put a bit of care into how I put all the words together , maybe not always perfecto at times but my excuse is I'm not a professional writer, I write as I think and I do it all as if I were talking to a friend . 

 " Have a nice day " can sound totally innocent but now try saying it in different ways , it can then become spiteful , sarcastic , or even threatening.  Those that domestically abuse are very good at this game , they will say something in a certain tone of voice and then when challenged about it they  will then say " but I only said  ..."

   Those not so constructive criticisms that come from an abuser are meant I think to have a lasting effect and they will go all out to make themselves out to be the innocent party . You won't get asked do something like "Is that a new top your wearing ? " but instead it will be " Did you really mean to put that on ? ".  

  Those words can creep into a persons head  and then the self-doubt will begin which leads to a " more suitable choice of clothing " , which means your late leaving the house , which then leads to more not so subtle comments about you being usless/never on time and this all happens because of that first little comment .

  Hate as I've mentioned in a previous post may only be a small four letter word but it's meaning can be extremely painful  , love is another one of those simple small words but it can mean a huge amount to the right person .

Both of these words can be spoken and meant differently and both can leave different end results. 

 I don't particularly like the word hate and I can genuinely say I honestly don't hate anyone , I may not like the person very much and I may not like their actions but I choose to rise above it all and not hate them ( yes I don't even hate my ex abuser , there's no feelings at all attached there ) . 

  

  A really excellent example of how words can be used to good effect is Mr Winston Churchill ,  he may not have been everyone's favourite British Prime Minister, but he certainly knew how to use the right words to raise people's spirits during the second World War . He spoke to the people and the people listened , they needed a strong minded person to lead the country during this tough time and his words and the way they were spoken helped give them the strength to keep going on .

  I should add at this point that I'm not a fan of any wars or conflicts but it doesn't stop me appreciating  Mr Churchill's words .

  We are are now just a couple of days away from Christmas day and that's where words can play an important part . I was brought up to write a small letter of thanks to my relatives who had brought me a gift , obviously it can now all be done by phone or Email but those words of showing your gratitude will still have the same effect . 

    Thank you is easy to say and it should be said more often , if someone holds a door open for me , if I'm handed change in a shop or for any other reason someone does something for me I always say thank you and mean it . 

As my mother would say " You should say what you mean and mean what you say " .

   Words like " can I help you ? " or  "Are you alright ? " can be all that needs to be said to someone sometimes and it can mean a great deal , those words show someone actually cares enough to ask and this can be all a domestic abuse victim needs to hear to help them to begin their journey to survive .

    Today try to mean what you say to others especially this time of year  , that sweet little old lady on the bus who started a random conversation with you may not have anyone to talk to when she gets home so that one brief chat could mean so much , just those few words might be the only ones she's heard all day .

  Words no matter what language they come in can either ruin a day or make a day so wouldn't it be nice if everyone tried to make it the first one .

  Today I'm making it my mission to be extra polite , smile and talk to who ever may need it ( even if they look a bit weird or smell a bit funny  🙃 ) ,  I plan to say " thank you " and mean it in any shop I go into and always leave with a smile....... it costs me nothing so why not .

Smiles can be contagious ☺️ 

My shopping trip may be a bit chaotic because of the time of year but it doesn't mean I can't use my kind words on someone else and that in turn might encourage them to do the same to someone else  ( kind words can be contagious too don't you think ? ) .

                       ---------------------

Now I truly and honestly wish everyone a very Merry and peaceful Christmas , it doesn't matter if their rich , poor or an Alien , its meant for all .

    Let's make this Christmas special for others by using those words that you mean . Show the people you love and care for that you appreciate them by  using and meaning the words that you use.

 

Be bold and be brave .

  

" Be bold , be bold but not too bold least your hearts blood should run cold."

                 ------------------------------------

  I wish I could remember which story this quote came from , but I clearly remember it once being read in my class at school when I was young and this part staying in the back of my mind ever since . If I remember rightly it's all about you can think your bold to a certain point but if it's done for all the wrong reasons then there could be unwanted consequences. 

     Those who survive domestic abuse and want to rebuild their lives again have to be unbelievable strong and brave to make that first decision , it can be extremely scary at the beginning, there's no instruction manual , no medals and certainly no rules to follow  . It's just a majorly massive case of taking a big deep breath and making that jump to freedom .

That first decision is the key to opening the door that leads to a brand new amazing adventure and then it's a case of taking one step at a time and following the path that lays ahead .

       

    Always try to travel that path forward and never back because you've already been there once .

 The journey can sometimes be a bit unstable and bumpy at times but there are people out there that can and will help ( for example, we have Women's Aid here in England ) . Its making the first phone call or sending the email that's the nerve wreaking bit but after that things get a whole lot easier , the trick is to be as honest and as open as you can be when talking to them and never forget they will listen to you . 

 I remember being totally gobsmacked when I made my first few calls , I couldn't believe just how kind , understanding and helpful other people could be and I will always be grateful for it . These were people who didn't know me , who had never heard my name before and didn't have to care......but they did .

  I will never forget that initial feeling of freedom and it was glorious !!!!!!!!

 

 Domestic abusers however don't just think their brave and bold , they actually believe it too , that's how arrogant and self centered they can be . They think they are perfect , superior and can do nothing wrong . They will push their luck at any given opportunity and not care less who stands in their way to get the end result .They  don't care who they hurt or how they do it  they will just lash out , stamp their feet and basically throw major temper tantrums just like a spoilt little child . 

  

 Never believe that they don't know what they're doing is painful because of course they know exactly what their appalling behaviour will get them if they keep doing it and that of course is always their own way. 

    As time goes by they get bolder with their actions , what started off as just little nudges or " constructive criticism " slowly begins to grow into hellish monster nightmare"s . The more they think they can get away with things the bolder they think they can become . They will stretch the truth out of all proportions , their lies become almost epic and their acting in front of others can be an Oscar winning performance . Then the time comes when they become almost too bold , they generally think that they are all super powerful . They don't believe their feeble and weak little victim would ever leave or abandon them , but that's where their wrong .  

This is the part in the story where their " blood should run cold " because their victim doesn't have to be one anymore , the victim now becomes the survivor and that is just the start of the revolution. 

   They will naturally try their best to twist and bend reality in order to get you to return to them and if that fails then that in turn will lead them to try to play the hard done by one whose completely innocent of all crimes . In fact they might even have the nerve to try to put the blame on you by telling people all sorts of tall tales about you , they will even try to get others to hate or dislike you . 

  Trust in whatever friends you've managed to keep because they will know you better and if they believe what their told by the abuser then they weren't really your true friends in the first place .

     The ultimate revenge on any domestic abuser is turning away from them and proving you can not only survive but you can quite happily live a much better life without them ( in fact quiet the total opposite as to what they lead you to believe) . They will go off and sulk for a bit and then start prowling around for a new innocent victim and even think it's funny to try and make you jealous about it . This to me shows exactly what complete and utter @#£#£@ they where ( fit your own appropriate swear word in here ) and that they never really deserved getting your attention in the first place .

  Once you've successfully escaped then the whole world can become your oyster , you are free to do whatever you want , wear whatever you want and be with whoever you want .

  No one will ever has the right to think they own you because you are a wonderful clear thinking outstanding individual who knows their own mind .

Now let's all be bold but not too bold ........

    Those whose glass appears to be half full have the privilege of refilling it when ever they want because they own their own glass !

  

  

  

  

   

   

  

  

 

   

 

  

Love again ?

 

 Do I believe it's possible to find love and trust again after domestic abuse  ?.......

     💕  Yes I actually think that you can  💕

I say yes but it really all depends on the individual and how they have delt with their past experiences. 

To put your trust in someone's else's hands is a major commitment in normal circumstances, but to do it after any form of abuse can unfortunately take a very long time, but its not an impossible dream and even after the most horrible time love can be found in the most unlikeliest places ( yes , I'm a big old slushie romantic at heart ) .

     The person who wants to earn your love , trust and respect will have to work hard to get it at the best of times but when it comes to a survivor of domestic abuse the person involved may have to contend with an possibly outrageously high wall to scale first , that doesn't mean to say it can't be done but it won't be an easy task either .

Flowers are always a lovely supprise but any experienced abuse survivor will tell you that is one of the first things an abuser will do to try to show their sorry and just like the meaning behind those flowers they will soon crumble and die .

          

   Personally I think it's the small almost unnoticeable things that show how much someone truly cares about you . That first cup of tea or coffee brought up to you in the morning without being asked or wanting anything in return , the door being held open for you as you enter somewhere or even the noble gentleman who always walks on outside of the pavement when your walking along together ( to obviously keep their sword hand ready if needed of course ) , yes all perhaps a little old fashioned but it still shows they were brought up to show respect to others .

  Love is a simple four letter word but it can create no end of problems , who remembers that all important interview with Prince Charles ( Now known has King Charles the third ) and the then Lady Diana when the Prince was asked about being in love and his answer was " what ever love is " this comment has since gone down in British history , everyone has their own opinion of what love is and how it feels and he unfortunately didn't do a very good job trying to show it that particular day .

     What's my definition of love ?....

    To me it's simply just knowing , it's like finding that long lost piece of a jigsaw puzzle that just fits perfectly in place .

   Do I think those that domestically abuse know how to love ?........

   Possibly but they tend to mix it all up with the need to own whoever they are with at the time and that can't be very healthy in any relationship. 

  

 So let's look into how to earn the love , trust and respect from someone you care about . 

First you need to always be true to yourself and don't pretend to be someone your not . 

 If you really like someone and they have built a secure wall around themselves just don't rush things , take things at whatever speed the other person is most comfortable with . No amount of romance will charm instantly so let that person build their own form of trust in you and maybe just maybe love will grow .

  

Like I've said I'm a big Slushie old thing at heart but it'll take more than just a simple bunch of Supermarket daffodils and a box of chocolates to win me over , as a survivor I can honestly say that yes I have my own wall of self defence but I'm extremly lucky to now have a Knight in shining armour who isn't afraid to battle any dreaded dragons that might appear behind that wall ( not the easiest of jobs but his doing well  ) .

   Can Happy Ever After really exist ? .......

  Yes ,  I genuinely believe it can but only if and when you really want it to .There's loads of others who have found their own version of Happy Ever After so never stop believing it can't happen for you . Don't let that one ( or more )  nasty bad experience put you off ever being happy again  , it may take years but it will be all well worth the wait in the end .

Love is like a seed and it needs to be carefully looked after if you want it to grow.

       

 

Trust is something else altogether it can be become dented and almost to the point of feeling like nothing can repair it , it can take almost forever to be able to put your trust in someone again but it doesn't mean you shouldn't at least try , start gently with small steps and then see what happens , there's no rush . 

Respect is something that I think should  be earnt too as my mother would say " Respect first you should earn it and second you should deserve it " and that most deffinatly works for any domestic abuser that demands that you show any respect to them . You may think you love your abuser but I'm afraid to say you dont , you love the person they pretended to be when you first meet or even the nice side of their ever changing Jekyll and Hyde character but if you were completely and honestly loved back in return then they wouldn't do what they do regardless of what they say or do  .

                  ------------------------------------------

Always try to love , trust and respect yourself before you do it to others ..........💕

 

  

  

 

   

  

Why no answers ?

 Just like Spring will always follow Winter , happiness can also follow saddness.....

No one can predict what a persons future will hold , so that's why it's so important to make the most of every single moment . No one can predict what a future partner could be like either , the person you first meet can sometimes turn into your worst nightmare.  

  Those that domestically abuse someone else are the grand masters of camouflaging their true selves , they are extremely well rehearsed with what they say or do at the beginning because they want to portray themselves as the perfect one . Unfortunately as time goes by things change and before you know it you can find yourself suffercating under the weight of abuse .

   I've never successfully worked out if it's learnt behavour , a mental disorder or a combination of both , but one thing I have noticed over the years is that in a lot of cases that either one or both of the abusers parents or who ever raised them were very similar in their ways ( true in my ex abusers case ) . The way their brains ended up being all wired up wrong must of started somewhere but how or why is just one of those many unanswerable questions. 

  You could sit for endless hours like I once did trying to be a psychologist over the deep and meaningful reasons why any abuser would do what they do but at the end of the day it's still uncalled for domestic abuse and the only person who is really deeply effected by it all is the victim . There's isn't and never will be a good enough excuse for their actions and the all time classic excuse of " you made me do it " is simply just pathetic. 

  Why should those that manage to finally escape and survive domestic abuse suffer for something they never did ?.......

They weren't the ones hitting out physically or emotionally but still they are left with the mixed up feelings of guilt . Even after all this time I still carry the guilt of why I tolerated it for as long as I did and why did I ever allow my children to suffer being witness to it , it's a feeling that will never leave me but I keep it tucked up safely away so no one will ever notice it .

DOMESTIC ABUSERS HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR  !!!!! 🤬

   One of the biggest insults a domestic abuser can ever give is playing their own version of the domestic abuse card , I know of cases where just because the abuser is female , they have successfully cried their fake tears and had everything handed to them on a plate by blaming the person they were abusing.. ......not fair on so many levels and outrageous that their case wasn't investigated into further .

One day maybe domestic abuse towards men will be treated the same as it is to women but I unfortunately can't see it happening in my lifetime . It's hard enough for anyone to admit about any form of abuse they may of suffered but in a strange way its tougher for the men out there and there certainly isn't nearly the same kind of support given to them .

 I know I've asked this question before but why do Father's sometimes have to fight tooth and nail to prove their innocence in order to get custody of their children when the mother automatically gets them even if they were the abuser ?.........

   Things are improving slowly about punishment for those the domestically abuse but it could be better , laws are gradually changing over time and people are talking about it more but the subject will always be a massive elephant in the room sometimes . 

It never ceases to amaze me just how quite a room can become once you declare you were domestically abused , people have no idea how to react and in some cases will even go out of their way to change the subject matter .

  Personally I will never be ashamed or embarrassed of my dark unforgettable past and its one of my many reasons as why I'm more than happy to discuss it , I refuse to allow my ex abuser to think they can just slither away quietly and get away with it all and to then start again on some other poor defenceless unsuspected victim . I am now not and never will afraid of the revolting slime bag that once abused me and if it ever finally dawns on them that I've been shouting out to the world about my story then tough !!!!!

     I wonder what would happen if all the domestic abusers of this world ended up having to live on the same island together ?........🤔

   Just imagine the chaos they could all create , each and everyone of them would want to be Top dog and they would all tell each other how hard done by they were . None of them of course would except the blame for anything and eventually they will start the own version of the classic book Lord of Flies .

  Like I said at the start of this post , you can't even try to understand the mind set of a domestic abuser, you would end up none the wiser as to why they do what they insist on doing to others and you'd only end up more confused than when you first started. 

The abusers of this world are certainly a unique bunch and that's for sure .

                 ---------------------------

To finish here is my positive thought of the day......

   Butterflies close their wings when it starts to rain so they can't get damaged because their fragile ....

     Why not be like the butterfly 🤔

   

  

 

  

    

My apologies.

 

  I am so Sorry .......

   I've been neglecting all those who take the time to read my posts and I have no real decent enough excuse....

  Outside of Blog world and writting posts , I am just a normal ( well relatively normal anyway ) everyday kind of person with a family and  2 jobs , by the time I'm finished for the day I'm ready to just flop down somewhere and enjoy a well earnt cuppa . Having just given myself a severely firm and meaningful telling off I now intend to put right my wrong doings and start giving more attention to you all out there .

  As you've properly gathered by now, I'm a survivor of 28 horrendous years of continuous everyday domestic abuse ,  one dark and extremely cold January day I finally decided enough was enough and made my big decision that I wouldn't be the weak and feeble victim anymore . No, it wasn't an easy decision to make , and yes it was a bit scary at the begining but I held my head up high and simply just kept on going forward .

  I CHANGED MY MY STARS !!!!

             

  

    Christmas is now fast descending on us all and along with the buying of presents, putting decorations up and preparing for Christmas day , there's always a lot of added stress and tension thrown in for good measure . This can be the spark that triggers the fire in a lot of domestic abusers ,  they can't seem to cope with the fun and good feelings that Christmas is supposed to bring .

   I remember all too well the anger and hatred that seemed to ooze out of every single pore of my ex abuser this time of year . I used to dread the shopping to buy whatever was needed , the visits to family to swap gifts and the demands for a full English breakfast on Christmas morning ( which had to be cooked and eaten before the children could open anything ) and nothing was allowed to be touched on the present pile untill everyone was up and dressed . 

Christmas time was not a particularly joyful or pleasant time back then . No going out to celebrate on Christmas eve and absolutely deffinatly NO !!!!! exchanges of Christmas kisses at midnight with anyone  .

      Ebenezer Scrooge would have been extremely impressed by my ex- abusers actions and we unfortunately never once received a visit from the ghost's of past , present and future 😔 .

  Nowadays things are greatly improved and I've rediscovered that Christmas can actually be quite good fun . No more endlessly cooking all day , no more panicking about the mountain of wrapping paper rapidly growing on the floor and so what if I want to start having a Christmas drink a good few days before the grand event !!  

   

 l've now rediscovered my long lost Christmas spirit and now want to share some around to all those that are in the same position I was once in . 

Christmas shouldn't be the sad lonely time of year but unfortunatly it can be for those having to struggle with a domestic abuser .

Domestic abusers can't seem to function normally at the best of times but at Christmas they seem to go into overdrive with pure menace towards others . They don't care about peace on earth or good will to all , they only care about creating as much mayhem as they possibly can in as little time as possible and with as much pain as they can deliver be it physical or emotional .

     Now I'd like to ask you all a massive Christmas favour .......

 Please spare a thought and maybe even some time for those who are silent about their abuse , those that think life is nothing but dark dismal sorrow and those that simply just need an understanding friendly smile in their direction . If you get the feeling that something just doesn't seem right about a friend's or neighbour's house or you hear things that you think are a bit worrying then call someone . Yes...it could be nothing , it could just be nothing but a normal small disagreement or it could be your mistaken but what if it's none of those things and what if you could be the one to stop someone seriously getting hurt 🤔  .

Now I'm certainly not for one single minute suggesting you interfer and dive in there and add to the problem but what I am asking is that you are just observant and call the right people who can help if or when needed.

  Those that are domestically abused need that silent anonymous helping hand sometimes .

   Male or female domestic abuse is not and never will be acceptable , there's never a good enough excuse for this sort of terrible behaviour regardless to what the victim may be told by the abuser . As I've said many times before domestic abusers are just nothing but bullies and bullies are nothing but big cowards really when someone bigger and stronger comes along . 

I'm not scared of my abuser anymore and that's because I now know I'm way more powerful in mind , body and soul than he could ever be .

    If I can be a strong survivor so can others !!!!

  Let's finish on two positive things.........

   ⭐️   First  ⭐️

 I promise to regularly do more posts , more posive thoughts and more support for those that need to know their not alone in domestic abuse.

  I may not be the greatest writer or have all the right answers but I've been there , seen it and most importantly I survived it .

   ⭐️  Second ⭐️

  I truly want to wish everyone a safe and Merry  Christmas 🎅  

  I may not be a religious kind of person but I have respect for those that are and even I know that the meaning of Christmas isn't about the money or the presents , it's about family , sharing  , the love given and simply being there for each other .

     

 

  

   

   

   

  

   

   

 

    

  

    

  

Insperation .

 

  Inspirational motervation ( well that's the plan anyway )........

    You guys know already about my 28yrs of domestic abuse and I've shared the bare basic bones of it all on my variouse posts, yes it was a lot more soul distroying and self worth destructive than it first appears but its impossible to write down every single boring day or scrabble around trying to find the right fitting descriptive words to fit . Let's just say it wasn't a particularly meaningful part of my existence but on the positive side one day I found the inner strengh needed and I'm now enjoying every single minute of my new found freedom .

   I started the whole process a few years ago in order to put some sort of filing system to my thinking  , writting everything down somewhere has been amazing cheap therapy and it helped clear those crazy non logical thoughts out of my head .

     As you can all tell I decided to keep going with it to show others there is always a rainbow after every storm ,  I never expected anything much to come from it or thousands to read it but its seemed to have gathered its own motivation and now it's read in various different countries ( which I'm grateful for of course ) ,  the next question then came to mind would I consider sharing my postive views on life to others and be an inspirational writer/speaker about domestic abuse ?....

   I think my past domestic abuse posts speak for themselves ,  I would quite happily stand up in front of a room full of total strangers and talk about the rarely discussed subject of domestic abuse. 

  

      

  Now you have to remember this is coming from a person that would never used to challenge anyone and who used to avoid anything that could possibly cause the nerves to begin to shake even slightly .  My self confidence was well and truly frazzled to say the least and I never admitted to anyone about the all suffercating unhappiness I once felt .

  I had been mushed , squashed , desensitised and 100% discombobulated . 

I felt worthless to everyone and anyone .

  Now I count my self unbelievable lucky to have survived it all because I know there's some out there not so lucky . If you saw me walking up the street you would have no idea what I'd been through or that I once thought that maybe jumping off a motorway bridge was a good idea , domestic abuse survivors don't have signs or wear badges of declaration  , we are simply just perfectly reasonably normal people who have won our own personal major battle .   

   I now tell anyone that asks ( and even some that don't ) all about my domestic abusive past because I feel its a subject that isn't talked about nearly enough , I won't dodge the subject matter any more and neither do I care if my now very much ex-abuser finds out !!

  

  

   My future plan is to now inspire and motivate others to face up to reality and not only discuss domestic abuse openly but also support those that have either been there or are unfortunate enough to be still going though it .  I will never have all the answers but what I do have are ears that will listern and I will offer my full support to anyone .

    I'll keep shouting about how wrong domestic abuse is till my dying day and if it means standing all alone on a stage telling the darkness in front of me all about myself then I will .

   

 I'm a domestic abuse survivor and proud of it !!!!!!!

  I climbed out of my foul stinking pit my abuser insisted on keeping me in and now I stand with my head head high admiring the outstanding view of the world I can now see .

  Was the climb easy ?....

   

    No but then nothing really is but it's what you decide to make of it that really counts .

    There are loads of people or groups out there that are more than willing to help those coming out of domestic abuse and you don't have to do it on your own , if you don't like the idea of talking to a stranger then my Blog Email can be found in my profile . Please never believe there is no hope left like I once did , I'm living , breathing proof there's life after domestic abuse . 

  

    Today's last postive thought is.......

  Always be true to yourself because your worth it  !!!!!!

   

Gone but not forgotton.

 

Never forgotton......

  This is my first post after a very long delay , life has been throwing a few curve balls in my direction recently and in my classic face things head on positive thinking way I've been dealing with it all . Nothing major but enough to slow the inner clockworks down just a bit . Readers of my posts you haven't been forgotton and I shall now try to keep up with myself .

     I could have simply just put a sign up saying " Do not disturb " and shut myself away from  the world untill it all went away but being that life doesn't work like that , I've had to put my big girl pants on and get on with sorting it all out .

  Some of you may of been reading from the start or random posts . It all started due to sorting out my mashed up brain after 28yrs of extremely unpleasant domestic abuse , I needed to find a way of letting all my built up frustration , confusion and unanswerable questions out so I began to write it all down and goodness hasn't it been the best therapy ever !!!!

 

 

  I still have many endless questions without answers, but I now believe if I can't fix it or change it then why worry about it .  My domestic abuse wasn't the greatest time of my life but in a weird way its taught me to be grateful for the postive things I now have . I started this whole thing as I've said many times before for completly selfish reasons but decided along the way to keep on going with it in order to show others that there's always a way out if you really want it and people will regardless of what you think will help and listern to you .

  Never ever stop believing in yourself or your dreams because you are and always will be an amazing person , you can do anything if you set your mind to it ( with in reason of course ) .

   Recently I've started to reveal to others all about my secret little life of writting all of this stuff on here ( came as a bit of a supprise to some 🤣 ) but that's just how confident and comfortable it's made me and yes maybe I might actually seriously consider turning it all in to sort of self help book eventually . I fully believe that if I can escape domestic abuse and survive it then so can anyone else . 

   

    This once quite shy , reserved  and nervous wreck who would hide behind the sofa when the doorbell rang and run away from spiders on the bathroom wall now puts on her full body armour and leads the fight against anyone that dares to want to challenge me . I will never forget my past existence and in a very strange way I'm grateful for it because without it , I wouldn't be the person that I am today . 

   

  Can anyone beat the vile bullies of this world that think violence is the answer to everything ?....

    Of course they can , although it can't be seen at the time there is always a light burning at the end of every domestic abusive tunnel . 

    No one ever has the right to treat another person the way domestic abusers do and the victim most certainly never asks for it or deserves it . No one should ever think they have the right to control another persons actions or try to distruct someone else's character by belittling them .

 Always remember all bullies are nothing but big cowards really who will fall to their knees when someone bigger and stronger comes along .

  

   

  Now let's start thinking on the bright positive side,  your day will always be what ever you make it to be ,  it's your life and your day so make it a good one .  Believe that nice things happen to good people and that you are the best example of yourself , so be proud of everything you do . It doesn't matter how small or insignificant you think your actions might be , still try to give your 110% ( people may not notice the 100 but they will always notice the extra 10 )  . 

   How did I manage to get so annoyingly optimistic and positive after everything I've been through ?...

 

     That's one of easiest and most simplistic questions I can ever answer , it's because I believe in living  life to it's fullest and I intend to enjoy each and every minute of it . 

 If I'm lucky enough to wake up in the morning  then fantastic and if I'm still breathing then it's a bonus so I'll make the most of it . 

   All the things I used to be told I was usless at I now do with enthusiasm and as for apprently being ugly ,, well no one's laughed at me yet !!!!

 I'm having more fun in life now than I think I've had for an extremely long time and I fully intend to keep on going enjoying it intill they put the lid on my coffin and even then I might cause a bit of trouble 🤣

  My whole point with this post today is that you are the only person who has the right to control your existence , you are the one who can create your future so plan it well and love living it . 

   The "charming person " who once was my domestic abuser is the unhappy one not me , he will spend his life going around in ever decreasing circles trying to control everyone he gets in contact with and eventually they have enough of it and leave him . Abusers are the lowest form of life in my opinion and they will never ever be content with what they have in life , they don't deserve any respect from others . 

    If you are or were in the same position I was once in then can I suggest that you start talking to people who can and will help. Trust me, they actually will listern to you without criticism or judgement .

   Make today your day !!!!!!!