Control abuse is like having someone else pulling all the strings ..........
Abusers love to dominate and control , they seem to think that obviously whoever they happen to be with at the time can't possibly know how to live their own life correctly so they feel they need to show them how it should be done properly ( properly being their way and not yours of course ) .
I've never really understood why an abuser gets together with someone and then feels that person needs to be changed or adapted . Why be with them in the first place if the other person concerned is that imperfect ? They don't like the colour of your hair or the way it's styled , they don't like the way you wear your make up , they don't like the style of clothes you wear , they dont like the way you may stand out in a group of people and the list can just go on and on , yet it was all perfectly excepable when they first started talking to you and they obviously liked it or else they wouldn't be doing it .
If they don't like all the above stuff why did they bother to start talking to you in the first place ? What you were like must have sparked their interest at some point , but no they decide you need their help to downgrade ( they will call it an upgtade or improvement but it wont be ) they do it so you can't stand out in a crowd and that no one else will notice you .
It's completely illogical and crazy thinking isn't it 🙃 .
I've already written about some of the many things I wasn't "allowed " to do whilst with my now ex , the major ones being .....
No work .
No bank account .
No talking to other men .
Why were these not allowed ? Well, my guess is that it's all down to his own personal and pathetic insecurities . If I don't have a life outside the house , therefore I can't possibly go somewhere else or be with someone else 🤔 .
Now I know I'm not your classic hottie and there's a little bit more of me than there used to be thanks to having had three children but I do try to make the most of what I have and would like to think I don't scrub up to bad when it comes to having an evening out , none of it is done for anyone else's purpose now but my own and it has been known on odd rare occasions for a nice random guy to try to start trying to chat me up . None of any of this fun and games were ever considered exceptable behavour with the now ex . I'm his mind men and women only ever went out for one thing and no way could they all just be good friends having a great laugh .
If you're reading all of this and have never had someone try to control your entire existence then you may not fully understand exactly how someone can not be allowed to do anything and it's a bit of a tricky thing to try to explain . Just Imagine someone having the remote and master control to your life . You might want to go one way but no , the person in charge is moving you in a completely different direction to where you wanted to go and someone else is pulling all your strings . If you're not going or doing things the way your abuser wants, then life can become extremely unpleasant with emotional or physical abuse and after a while you stop fighting against it and just end up giving to it all for an easier life . Your are basically pulled in the direction that your abusers wants you in and not the way you wanted to go .
Writing this and reading it all back makes me think what a complete total and utter Twit I must of been for letting it all happen at the time , surely if I wanted to work and have a bank account then why didnt I just go out and bloody well do it !!! but no, my strings were being played by a master puppeteer and I had very little choice about any of it .
At the time the abused victim can't see what's going on , they can't see the slow and gradual slide into total dark oblivion , and by the time they do its too late and the abused begins to start thinking and actually believing their reliant on everything the abuser does or says .
Breaking away from a control addict isn't always easy , but yes, it can be done . I decided one day I just couldn't keep having someone else control my life anymore so I took my control back and I cut all the strings , I removed the battery out of the remote control so my now ex controller can have no more power over me anymore .
I now have no strings attached to hold me down !!
It's my life , and no one else's , any mistakes I now make along the way are all my own , I take responsibility for them and then learn from them .
No one has the right to tell someone else what they can and can't do in a relationship . Maybe it's the abuser that has all the mental heath problems with insecurity , neglect when younger , constantly craving and needing someone else's attention and not the ones they abuse 🤔
Maybe just maybe the abusers of this world are the crazy ones with msjor issue's and not abused !!!!!!!!
If you feel like someone else is controlling your every move then why not just simply take the control back , cut those strings and break free .