With Thanks .

 

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  My story of domestic abuse and its recovery first started roughly three years ago and it was as I've honestly admitted several times before originally started for my own personal selfish reasons ....

     I unfortunately wasted 28 extremly long , tiresome and hard years enduring endless emotional , mental , controlling , financial and other forms of domestic abuse ( but never physical ) . The person I once was became almost evaporated into nothing and I spent several years forgetting who I really was , almost to the point of thinking maybe I didn't want to breath any more . I decided that after successfully rearranging my whole entire life by informing my now very much ex abuser that he had most deffinatly out stayed his foul abusive welcome and that all those crazy mixed up thoughts and memories wizzing around inside my head needed to be put in some sort of vague order so I began posting it all in a blog never really fully expecting anyone to bother reading it  . 

 

   🎉  Today, this will be my 100th post !!!!! 🎉

        ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

   Surviving from domestic abuse has most certainly been an Interesting experience ( notice the classic English sarcasim used here ) and something I'm not in a big rush to do again but for all those stuck in a similar position as I once was in , I fully suggest to sum up all the brave strength you have inside and then take that first leap to freedom . Scary maybe to begin with but never forget there are endless groups and people out there who can help you when you decide the time is right .

   Always remember it's the domestic abuser with all the problems and never you !! 

    Has writting everything down on various posts helped in my recovery?...

                      Massively Big time!!!

   

   Putting my Story down somewhere has been a phenomenal help and I fully suggest others who are or have been involved in any forms of domestic abuse give it a go . Unlike mine no-one else needs to ever read what ever it is you decide to scribble down and again unlike me you don't have the added worry about any bad spelling mistakes being noticed . Everything written in my posts are 100% fact with no identities or locations ever mentioned in order to give myself some degree of privacy , granted it doesn't look or read just how horrible my life really once was but after 28yrs it does become a little bit difficult to remember each and every days individual abuse because it all sort of merged into one after a while  .

    Surviving from domestic abuse is now one of my many ongoing things in life and its a constant learning curve , not only has the person I once was gleefully returned but I now have this really annoying desire to be constantly positive in everything I try to do . My once selfishly written posts have now become more about finding that inner strength and positivity as well as proof that if I can survive my dark days then so can anyone else .

   Looking at other people's posts/blogs  about various other things most seem to be either promoting something or trying to sell something but that has never been my intention here , domestic abuse is a subject many avoid talking about and only those who have been there will ever truly understand it . It was never going to be a riverting ,  interesting , thought provoking or informative discussion to have with anyone but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be talked or written about . How will others learn or begin to understand if the whole thing is just swept under the carpet like it never existed  ?....

              🌍  WAKE UP WORLD !!!!!!! 🌎 

   Domestic abuse is happening right now to someone somewhere and ignoring it won't make it all go away , that person involved needs help and support right now and not ignoring . The ugly fact is that it can happen to absolutly anyone , anywhere at anytime regardless or race , age or sex . 

  Next time someone raises the subject about domestic abuse try talking to them about it instead of just changing the subject . 

    I've mentioned a couple of times before that if asked I would be fully prepared to stand up in front of a room full of total random strangers to discus not only my time of abuse but also domestic abuse in general , this is how strongly I feel about getting other people's heads out of the sand . I could spend my days researching all the many variouse groups , helplines and media sites all over the world that can offer help but unfortunatly it would all read a lot more boring than any of my posts and I feel others need more of a personal touch rather than just names or numbers ( If anyone needs to know that there's someone out there who will listern then my blog email can be found in my profile ) .

   What started out as a personal self help kind of therapy thing has now expanded onto various other social media sites and I plan to keep on going with it all for as long as possible . One day but most likely not in my lifetime others will learn to except that the only way to stamp out domestic abuse is to face the whole thing head on and those that domestically abuse others don't ever deserve to have a hiding place or have their feeble excuses for their actions believed .

    If you feel brave enough ( or bored enough 🤔 ) then by all means start my story of domestic abuse from the very begining and you'll notice how over time my attitude and strengh grows ( and I'd like to think my writing has improved a little bit too ) . I've never been afraid to write about the really unpleasant things and I've never set an age limit on it either because my theory is if domestic abuse doesn't have one then why should I .

   I'll finish today by saying a humongous thank you to all of you who have taken time to read because without you my message about domestic abuse and being positive wouldn't be able to take its journey around the world .  

Meanwhile I'm silently celebrating my 100th post by having my usual cup of tea and perhaps a chocolate biscuit or three all safe in the knowledge that people are actually reading my posts , taking notice and the scary monster thats been hiding under the bed called domestic abuse for far too many  years is slowly now being fought back 😊 .

   

     

  

   

   

   

  

   

  

   

  

  

   

  

    

  

  

  

   

Tomorrows Future .

 

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In domestic abuse there's something that some times gets forgotton about ( maybe forgotten isn't quite the right word here but I can't think of a better one  ) and that's the children that unfortunatly find themselves entangled into it all ....

   Father's , Mothers , Grandparents and everyone else involved in a family going through domestic abuse right now please listern ........Children don't deserve having to tolerate witnessing domestic abuse happen , they didn't agree or ask to be pawns in a giant scale Adult game of chess , so for their sake kindly keep them out of it please !!

   It's bad enough domestic abuse has to happen to anyone in general but when there's children in the middle of it all then it can get seriously ugly and in the worse cases they learn from it and think its all perfectly normal to then do it as they get older......it's up to us to break that circle of learnt behavour .

   

   As you all know by now from my previous posts, I'm a mother of 3 now grown up children and I'm extremly grateful they knew there was a better way in life rather than be like their father , this unfortunatly can't always be said for other children . When as a child you see a parent bulling or intimidating someone else in order to get what they want and it works then your going to try to use the same tactics unless of course your taught at a very young age that that isn't the correct way to go about things .

   Children shouldn't ever have to watch like I did when I was young one parent hit or kick the other parent out of anger for all the obvious reasons ( and yes of course this means every kind of relationship ) , we are supposed to be the sensible adults not temper tantrum throwing three year olds . It's our responsibility to set good postive examples to our children , we are the one's who are setting the seeds for all the future generations. 

  Divorce/separation can be extremely unpleasant thing to happen sometimes and there's occasionally a full all out war on where the children should live , most times it's the mother who will gain custody but what if it's the mother who is the domestic abuser ?....

   That question is a complicated one to answer because yes , I agree children absolutly should go to where ever is the safest place to live but that isn't always the case . It's exceptionally harder work for a father to get full custody of their children after they have suffered domestic abuse than it is for a mother and that's wrong on so many different levels .

    Here in England there is an amazing group called Fathers for Justice ( not just for domestic abuse victims ) and it all first started because things were so ridiculously one sided , things have improved over the years but it's still no where near good enough.  Why should a father have to fight for sometimes years just to have his own children when a mother automatically gets them instantly ?....

     That's just yet another unanswerable question .

   I know for a fact my children heard and saw a great deal of my abuse , they would as I mentioned before disappear into their own rooms , get absorbed into what ever electronic game they were playing or simply just pretend that what ever programme happened to be on the television was really interesting . Just because they looked distracted never meant they didn't know what was going on , children can be the greatest of actors when it comes to pretending they never saw or heard something .

   Children can and do bounce back from all sorts of horrible things in life including domestic abuse and they have this jaw dropping ability to be able to always smile when all around them seems sad but just because they can doesn't mean to say they should have to . It doesn't matter how old a person's child or children may be they will always be that person's baby , they will never grow out of needing a parents advice or safeguarding. 

   Some Domestic abusers ( not all ) see having  children has a form of ownership , they will suggest  having children as a way of trying to keep someone exactly where they want them . 

Now this doesn't always work but if your ever unfortunate enough to hear this from someone my suggestion is to run very fast in the direction of very far far away because it could save an whole lot of trouble in the future . 

   Would those that domestically abuse really use having children has a way of keeping someone ?....

                         Absolutly  !!!!! 

They will use everything and anything in order to get someone under their total control .

 I will never regret having my children but I will always feel guilty for what they had to be witness to , there may of never been any violence involved but that doesn't mean the words used were not just as painful or cutting . I have since then made it my all important job to raise them knowing that good manners , politeness and respect for others can carry you anywhere .

   Domestic abuse in all its many foul versions isn't the greatest thing but to have children somehow connected to it has to be the lowest of all lows , they are the innocent ones and they shouldn't ever be brought into the equation.  Those that abuse may not care very much about what their doing when they bring a child into their mad crazy little world but I do and so should everyone else !

   Children are not and never should be something to use against someone else like a weapon to cause as much pain as possible and they most certainly are not a prize that needs to be won . It may take two people to make that child but it can if needed take only one to raise them correctly if necessary . 

Today's Children are Tomorrow's future !!!!