Saturday, December 16, 2023

Love shouldn't hurt .


It's now just only one week left till the excitement of Christmas day .

  Everyone should now be super busy making sure all the gifts are brought , the Christmas cards all written in and sent and everyones favourite the sprouts have been on the boil since July . 
  The world is now all geared up ( well, almost anyway ) for Christmas day , but is it really ?.....
   There will still be that unique group of people out there who are dreading it , not because of the preparation of the glorious Christmas day dinner that's expected but because those people now have possibly a whole week or even longer living with their domestic abuser with no day off from it . 
It's times like this that those that are abused don't look forward to because they know what could happen to them , abusers will reach their ultimate boiling point far too quickly and their victims spend their time constantly on guard always being prepared for the expected .

  Who has a nice drink or three/four on Christmas eve ?.. ..
 You get all glammed up and you're off down to the local pub to share the Christmas spirit with friends or family , you have a few glasses of something nice and then at the end of the night you spend some time saying your merry Christmas's , having a hug and kiss then all say " see you next year !! " , next comes the slightly wobbly walk back home and then sleep in your bed ready for the mornings excitement .
  Unfortunately, it doesn't work the same when you're involved in a domestic abusive relationship , they have a drink, and the abuse can escalate to a ridiculous level . There's no hugs or kisses, just viscous verble emotional or physical abuse . If it hadn't started on Christmas eve then it will happen at some point , for some strange and unknown reason all abusers seem to have a strong dislike of anything or anyone being happy , they don't seem to have that part wired up properly in their brains so they then do the only thing they know how to do and that's lash out out someone or something .

  Opening presents should be full of gratitude , happiness and laughter but not from an abuser , if your really lucky, you may get a brief thank you thrown randomly in your direction but within the hour you will start to get the comments like " I've never liked that sort of chocolate anyway " , " what am I supposed to do with that ? " or if your really lucky, you could find that gift up so lovingly brought and wrapped up go sailing through the air and land shattered or broken on the floor. 

No I don't have a clue either why it's times like Christmas, Easter or any other holiday ( Covid lockdowns included of course ) that seem to just bring out the worse in a domestic abuser but it just does and there will hundreds of people out there dreading it and what it can bring . 
  That's exactly why I'm writting this today because I'm asking for everyone to think about those that don't have such a merry little Christmas . I once wasted far too much of my valuable years trying to make Christmas what it should be for my children , yes they had loads of great Christmas's but never as good as they should of been . One year they clearly heard Father Christmas throw a massive temper tantrum chucking cardboard boxes around downstairs which was excused by saying naughty Rudolph had a disagreement with another reindeer over who wanted to be at the front of the sleigh ( thankfully believed and they went back to sleep after being told I'd put an extra carrot out for them all ) .
   Thanks to my now exs inability to control his stupid child like temper my children who where still quite young at time nearly had their whole illusions of Father Christmas shattered , they still remember it evensfter all this time  ,  their all grown up and laugh about it now of course ( thankfully they have my sense of humour ) .

  Please listern out for anything that doesn't sound right on your travels this christmas , I'm not for one single minute suggesting you interfer in anything but if you suspect someone is in any possible danger of getting physically hurt then please don't hesitate to make that anonymous phone call to the police, it could be the greatest present you could give to someone this Christmas . 

Next bit comes and its New Years Eve with again people possibly enjoying themselves with variouse glasses of their favourite drink and come those chimes at midnight there will be not only the traditional New Years resolution 's but also drunken domestic abusers ready for the next round of pain and suffering . Abusers will always be out there somewhere and any alcohol intake just makes them feel even more super invincible, this time of year is never easy if your a victim of domestic abuse , if you feel you need to scream , shout or even swear to someone else during this or any other time then please find the blog email in my profile ( I'll most likely join in with the swearing too ) , I'm not a therapist or a counsellor but I am a survivor and know exactly what this time of year can be like when you have to tolerate living with a domestic abuser. 

  As usual let's end on a positive happy thought .......
   Christmas is a time for loving all family and good friends . It's about sharing the laughter and the smiles , enjoy the time with those you care about and don't forget those that may not have that outstanding Christmas dinner to look forward to or that joy of having a family , we all cook extra on christmas day so why not share it with someone who may need it ? 🤔

Final photo is one of my own .





Monday, December 11, 2023

Once upon a time .

Domestic abuse is nobody's fairy tale and here's a good example  .......

 Once upon a time, there was once a very gloomy , sad , unforgiving , desperately dark place . There wasn't any joy or happiness allowed there and smiling was considered a serious major crime , if any of the many many rules were broken then there would be an instant punishment given with no judge or jury to plead your case to and solitary confinement was a favourite given penalty that could last possibly for weeks .



 The ruler of this extremely unforgiving place was a mean and vindictive person , he seemed to thrive very well on all the dark harshness he insisted on being surrounded by . He enjoyed nothing more than making each and every day as dark and as gloomy as he possibly could and making other peoples lives miserable just seemed to make himself feel even more stronger so he made it his mission to be all powerful by controlling other people's lives . He believed that anyone below him should be eternally grateful for whatever tiny morsal of his attention he decided to hand out , but this was rare, and he always expected to be given total recognition from all around him . 

  Now, there also happened to be living in this same place a fair maiden . She was by nature a reasonably passive, mild-mannered happy thinking sort of person . She had a strong dislike for any bad dark things in life, and she always tried to see beauty , light and calmness all around her . Sometimes, when the dreaded darkness decended down a bit too far, she struggled fighting against it , but the battle never lasted that long, and she always somehow managed to return back to herself once again .

 As the years rolled by in the dark place the loneness of this dismal existence just kept on growing ,  just like a weed it tried to suffercate and smother anything or anyone that got in its way , it crept under doors , it squeezed through the small gaps in bricks and somehow even managed to move through the glass in windows . All this was controlled by one person and that was the ruler and he never cared who or what was affected by it . The darker his world became , the safer and more secure he felt in his little kingdom , he laughed if anyone dared to challenge his authority, and he never hesitated in making sure the perpetrator of any crime commited was condemned to suffer for a long period of time .

    In the Rulers' eyes , any form of escape was fruitile , the invisible chains that were worn by all those that lived in the dark place were strong and seemed virtually unbreakable . These chains were heavy and became even heavier over time , the chains were silently worn and completely unseen by those who didn't live in the dark place . The ruler would wear a mask to confuse those who lived on the outside of the dark place , they would only ever see the nice happy person and never  who the dark ruler really was . 

The fair maiden woke up one day and realised that maybe just maybe there could possibly be a way to break away from all the darkness . It wasn't going to be easy , and she knew she would have to be strong . Her plain was a reasonably simplistic one.... why not battle all the negativity with positivity ?...  She knew she was lucky to have been able to keep enough positivity in reserve to begin the fight back and hoped that it would begin to grow as she went on . The first step to freedom would be the hardest, and she knew once she started, there would be no turning back , so she gathered together all the last remaining grains of inner strength she had , took a deep breath and then began to run .

It didn't take long for the dark ruler to discover this unforgivable crime, and he tried everything in his power to recapture what he thought was once his property . He stamped his feet , he tried to raise a small army , he tried to put blockades in every possible road but it was all to no good the Fair Maiden had broken out and was now running faster than he ever could in order to catch her .The ruler was furious , how dare someone humiliate him by not allowing him to control their every move and how atrocious that the fair maiden was spreading the word about the nightmares in the dark place .

The fair maiden spoke to many people on her travels in order to get help , and she was thankful that she was believed by all . She was surprised to discover that there was more than just one dark place , and in fact she wasn't the only one who had managed to escape , she learnt that there were many various forms of dark places and some Rulers were even more horrendous than hers used to be . From then on she decided to help all those that had either had to once endure time in a dark place and those that are still living in one . She was under no illusion that it would never be an easy task but she was determined that she would try to help and encourage others to have the same strength she had .

Gaining a happy ever after is down to the individual , everyone can have it but its how it's found that really counts . 

As you've probably guessed by now this is a fairy tale all based on fact and it certainly was'nt my idea of a good fairy tale . My now ex domestic abuser played the role of the nasty Ruler and yes I took on the role of the fair maiden .  

What's my own personal happy ever after now ? .......

    It's sitting here , relaxing writing this and enjoying the fact that I chose when to put the Christmas decorations up and I dont care less that none of it is matching or colour co-ordinated and the tree is full of sparkling muti coloured bright dazzling lights that can be seen by others as they walk along the path outside . It's knowing that I beat the ruler and his darkness rules , I'm now the only ruler of my own busy , quite often scatty but pretty bloody brilliant world now  !!!  My ex- ruler failed to keep me imprisoned in his relm of bitterness and darkness , he failed to take away my inner strength and he failed to stop me shouting out loud that there is only one ultimate failure of that particular time in my life and that was him !!











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