Mystoryofdomesticabuse.de

Saturday, June 17, 2023

Happy places .

 



Everyone has their own unique happy place,  it's a place they can feel at their most relaxed , at ease and totally chilled .......

Mine just in case no-one has worked it out yet is anywhere that's outside , no preferences its just simply being somewhere outside and I don't think I could ever do an office type of job or anything that keeps me locked up inside for too long .This old Hippy just simply loves being outdoors somewhere , it can be the garden , the lakeside , the coast or even just sitting at a bus stop , I simply just don't care all I do care about is that I'm outside breathing reasonably decent good fresh air .
Outside is my all time favourite happy place and doing the garden is my way of expressing myself and relaxing ( both flowers in the pictures are from my own garden ) . It helps clear away the cobwebs of thoughts in my mind  , it chills me out and above all else everything I do there is all my own work without any one else trying to control how I do things ( not perfect but then I guess neither am I 😊 ) .
  There was a time a few years ago when giving even a tiny once of my attention to someone or something else was deeply frowned upon , domestic abusers hate it when they are not the centre of your attention and will try their very best to keep you caged up and hidden away from other people or any other influences to keep you all to themselfs , they want and need  you to stop doing what you were doing  and put them at number one on your need to do list .
 
Finding your own special unique happy place is about the only thing that will keep you relatively sane sometimes , it can be your bolt hole where you feel the need to escape when things get too bad or you just simply need to recharge your inner self  .



  It can be where ever you want it to be just as long as it helps clear your head from all the fuzzy stuff that could be in there and it gives you in return that tiny bit of much valued you time away from the background of domestic abuse that can go on . 
If you don't have a garden then why not try just going for a walk somewhere , walk the dog , the cat or even the hamster , read a great book or put some good music on ( I used to sit with my earphones on not playing any music because he thought if I couldn't hear him  then there was no point in him saying anything to me 😆 ) .
 Finding your happy place is just the start and after finding it then the self therapy can begin to happen , it doesn't matter where or how you find it because it's all down to individual choice but I fully recommend everyone finds their own at some point . 
Each and every single person should have their own special happy place or me time area , it could be like me just sitting in the garden having a good cuppa or even just taking that early morning walk to work . It's amazing how much clearer thinking can be done once you have spent some time doing your own special thing just purely for yourself .
  
Do domestic abusers have their own forms of a happy place ?....

I really honestly don't know the answer to this question , are they happy and content enough in their own skin to want to spend time alone or do they always have to crave the attention of others again I don't know what or if they feel anything because they seem to keep that part of themselves all locked away in a big secret place hidden from everyone else where no one else can see it .
 That then leads to yet another really good question about do abusers actually have any real feelings or emotions ?....  



Well they are very good at playing the heart broken unloved person but is it all for real and do they really mean it ?......

   They seem to be very expert in knowing exactly how to hurt and offend others but do they know how to really show love or to actually care for someone ?.... 
If they do generally care then why do they feel the need to do what they do to others ?....
  So many questions and not nearly enough answers .
 
 Even if (and its a big if ) abusers did have a version of their own happy place I wonder where it could possibly be ?.... 

I don't think my ex actually ever had one but I could be wrong ( unless of course you count sat in front of the television watching football and shouting at it if his side were losing ) . 
I think perhaps there is far too much negativity involved in an abusers world to actually find a happy place  , yes there was laughter occasionly back then for me with my now ex but it only seemed to happen when it meant causing some sort of major embarrassment to others . 

I don't think it was ever really understood how I could just sit there in the garden not doing anything . No I wasn't being lazy as I was regularly told I was , I was just so relaxed that I didn't feel the need to be doing anything at all in order to get all stressed out about . 
 I still do it even now and and it still has absolutely the same very successful results 😊 .

 Find your special happy place today , enjoy it and own it !!!!!
 






Wednesday, June 14, 2023

Whats in your glass ?



 What kind of person are you in life , is your glass half full or half empty ?........ 

 Personally I couldn't agree more with the above statement in the first picture because no it doesn't really matter how full your glass is or isn't but what does matter is how you deal with it that counts . It's how you decide to refill your glass that's the important thing in life , yes you could just sit and wait for it to do it all by its self ( which has a good possibility of not happening ) or you could just decide to do it all for yourself . You all know by now I'm at my happiest being somewhere outside and that's exactly how I refill my glass , I take a walk or just sit down somewhere and I simply just look all around me taking in all that I can see . 
  Good example was whilst fishing one day and I was sat drinking a cup of tea watching a brown rat dashing around along the riverbank trying to find any small scraps of things to feed her little ones with ( briefly saw them at one point too ) . Now a lot of people would say " what a disgusting dirty disease ridden rat ! " and try to chase it away but what I saw was an another living creature just simply trying to survive life and feed her children  . Mrs Jangles the rat was doing a most excellent job in making sure her babies were well fed and she wasn't bothering anyone else so I left her to do what she was doing and enjoyed watching her darting around , granted maybe not everyone's idea of a great day but it certainly helped refill my glass perfectly and all thanks to Mrs Jangles the brown rat .
 
  Having been through my own 28 years of Domestic abuse and surviving it I can fully understand the need by some to do the glass half empty thing , How could you possibly want to be positive when your days are a never ending game of dodging someone else's spiteful words or heavy hitting fists  potentially coming your way  ? 
 Life is never meant to be easy being with an abuser , you lose all of your time , space and reality or at least  your normal logical thinking anyway  . All they seem to dobis absorb all of your positivity and spit out nothing but poisonous vile venom in return , they have to be the most negative thinking kind of people who live on this earth BIG time !!



 Now this has to be possibly the slightly better way to view things I think  , if ever your glass feels half empty then why not just simply fill it back up again but unfortunatly it doesn't always seem to work out that way ( if only things where all that easy ) , if your being domestically abused by someome you don't always  have that inner strength to keep doing those silly little  things like filling up that silly glass and you certainly don't see the point in doing it either . 
When you've been through abuse sometimes you don't even want to live for that day let alone do anything else .

Personally I now try to keep my glass perminatly full to the top ( or at least as full as I possibly can anyway ) because I feel I've wasted far too many years with it bring  half empty due to having someone else trying to slowly drain away the whole  entire thing for me . 
   Not only is my glass now perminatly full to the brim  I am also definitely now the very proud owner of my very own unique glorious glistening cut- glass goblet !!!!!!
 




 There's only one person that can keep that glass at a maximum level and that's yourself , it's all about smiling and laughing at what ever comes your way,  never allowing those heavy dark days to overpower you too much .
 You may not be able to fix all the major issues going on in your life so try not to over complicate life ,  sometimes just sometimes you don't need to pull your hair out in frustration about everything all you have to do is to stop , count to ten and then start again .  
  That stopping and counting slows down your breathing , the slower breathing calms you right down and because your calm your brain seems to work much better .
  Clearer thoughts make better decisions so try it and see the difference ,  you can't fix everything so somethings you are just better off leaving to sort itself out .
 
 One of my favourite sayings and I use it quie often is....No hurry , No Worry .
 It means exactly what it says in the tin and it works .   The photo below taken is another one of mine and it's all about seeing things from a different angle , Mrs Jangles the brown rat may not be to everyone's taste and I appreciate that but all I saw that day was this amazing little creature being busy just trying to look after her family ( sounds a bit familiar if you think about it )  , maybe if I'm really lucky I might get to meet her or her children again one day . 
 I saw the peace and beauty in Mother Nature that day and also how other people can view things differently from each other , some will see a photo of a foul rat but I see a fellow living creature just trying to make its life better , how you see the photo is exactly the same as how you see your glass .


......Please remember if any of you out there are liking these domestic abuse and positive thinking ramblings please feel free to press the follow button in order to see more ( and it will encourage me along the way too to keep on going  😊 ) .

( Mrs Jangles below )





  
 


 

 

Monday, June 12, 2023

The generation game .

 



There has always been generations of Domestic Abuse going on for years and these days people are so lucky , they can use the internet to find all the various groups and get help if its needed but.........

Women were once expected to be seen and not heard , they had to be good well behaved wives that made sure the home was spotless , the children well looked after and dinner was always on the table when the man of the house walked the door after work was finished , they were never expected to argue back or ever say no .


 It wasn't that long ago domestic abuse was hidden and swept away under the carpet like it didn't exist or didn't matter, no-one spoke openly about it and the abused just had to shut up , put up with it and accept it ( to a certain point all that can still go on nowadays ) .  
  Men and women would just carry on hiding what ever was going on behind closed doors where nobody else could see  . The bruises given were either very well hidden , camouflaged with heavy make up or various excuses were made as to why they were noticable but at the end of the day others still knew what they were all about and nothing was ever said. 
   
 Just imagine how intensely tough things must of been back then , not only did you have to contend with the after effects of just coming out a war and the rationing of  food but you also had to deal with the possibility getting " A damn good hiding " at any given opportunity ( this unbelievably was in some cases advice handed down through generations of family ) , I've had to watch on more than one occasion when growing up my parents arguing and I have very clear memories of my Father taking those arguments a step to far and my mother having to defend herself a couple of times . Both my parents were born around World war two time so were both brought up with this sort of approach in life of " Do as I say and not as I do " . 
 
There were no mobile phones to ring up a best mate to moan to or to come to the rescue , no refuges to excape to and no chance of the police doing an awful lot about it because it wasn't considered high enough  on their list of priorities . The man was considered the boss of the house and it was expected that others simply just did as they were told .



Back in the 50s , 60 and even 70s domestic abuse was a personal secret best kept private ( in some cases it still is even now ) ,   if you were on the off chance lucky enough to trust someone enough and speak to them they couldn't really do a great deal about it anyway because there wasnt really any good advice to turn to .  

 Thankfully we have all advanced great deal along the way and are now extremly lucky these days ,  we have so much help at hand and most importantly you will be believed when you reach out to speak out to someone .  People understand things a lot better now and slowly things are begining to change and improve , maybe not fast enough but it's getting there .
Laws are now in place out there to punish those that are proven guilty of abuse  ( still not quite as easy as it should be though ) and that's why those of us that have been abused and survived need to stand up and shout about it together.  
 It's up to the survivors to keep on telling the whole wide world about the destruction and devastation abuse can create , its hidden side effects and how the abused won't put up with it anymore .
   
 The only way to stop abusers is to take away their supply and by that I mean show the future possible victims exactly what abusers can be like so they then can do their best to avoid them them at all costs !!! .
 I never expected to find myself in a domestic abusive situation but it happened and now as a survivor of it I'm refusing to stay quite about it , why should I have to because I've done nothing wrong . I know my now ex abuser is still out there somewhere trying to control the entire world and he will of course have a different story as to why his now my ex but people who know me well enough will always know better and if someone wants to believe him then fine that's their choice but when they have had enough of him then I'll make myself known to them and offer my support if they want it ( done twice already and now they have joined in with me ) .
  Am I scared of what could happen if someone doesn't like what I'm shouting about ?........

 No never !! why should I be . 



Domestic abusers are nothing but big bullies and in turn bullies are nothing but even bigger cowards when someone bigger or tougher comes along . 
Have you not noticed that abusers only seem to go for what they think at the time is the weaker victim and that's exactly my point , they know exactly what their doing and will continue to do so untill that bigger person comes along to put them right back down where they belong .  The domestic abuse victims and survivor's of this world need to all work together to show and prove we're not afraid anymore and we won't stand for any form of abuse from anyone regardless of sex , colour or race , domestic abuse is wrong on all levels !!!!

  I now share my thoughts about domestic abuse on here , Facebook , Instagram , Threads , X ( was Twitter ) and Quora ( all should in theory lead back to here ) and on each one you will be able to see the picture below somewhere and it sort of speaks for itself  ( If you see it on one of my many different things then it's proof it's me and no-one else ) .
 If you look at my profile  you will be able to find my Blog email and its purpose is for anyone who may need it (100% confidential at all times ) , I may not have all the answers but I will be there to listen if needed .




  



 

Sunday, June 11, 2023

Once upon a time.

 




Abusers love to tell their victims what they can and can't do , what they can or can't wear and who they can or can't talk to.......

 Once upon a time my life contained nothing but various rules and regulations and none made by myself , Is it because of their own insecurities , I don't know but whatever it is its still not very pleasant for the others person .
No idea about possible insecurities but they all seem to go through life thinking they can rule and control the entire universe . God forbid if things don't go their way and when it does happen they will then try to create their own personal version of a mini world war and they dont care who could get injured along the way ( and they don't particularly care what weapons are used either ) .
  


  
 They will throw any nearest available thing around and in some circumstances even hit out at the nearest available object or person .
  You can try to run and you can try to hide but the domestic abuser will always some how manage to find you and get you in the end .
 
   I once had an endless list of Do's and Don'ts I used to have to adhere to and I'm convinced the don't list grew even longer every day ( the do list was of course very minimal ) .
  Some of my major Don't even think about about it were............

    Don't show to much flesh .
    Don't wear to much make up .
    Don't wear boots over jeans  .
    Dont  course any embarrassment. 
    Don't wear shorts .
    Don't speak when footballs on .
    Don't speak to other men .
    Don't argue or answer back .
    Don't ever say no
    
All totally ridiculous rules of course but all had to be followed or else there would be some highly unpleasant consequences dished out in my direction .There's no logical reason why any of the above rules where so taboo ( never did find that one out ) , some I guess are to do with jealousy but others are just totally and completly silly . Who wss the most silly one , the ex for making the rules or me for following them ?......... 
Nope haven't got a clue either but I certainly know I was stupid for letting it continue for as long as it did .



I'm fairly positive there was most likely a few rules I've forgotten to mention but that's because the list of rules were ever changing and it was virtually impossible to keep up with them all ( the ones above were just scrapping of the surface ones ) . On a good day the rules could change and what I was allowed to do one day was banned on another one . Anything that could involve possible enjoyment or laughter was only allowed if it involved him , football , coffee,  him , more football and him .  
  I did occasionly get brave and rebel against the odd Don't on the list but I always knew there would be consequences for my actions . Sometimes it bothered me and sometimes I just became totally numb to it all . The punishments ranged from evil killer glares thrown in my direction to direct shouting just millimetres from my face plus vile nasty hurtful comment , intimidation and extreme long frozen silences that could go on for weeks at a time .

 


 But now there is no more monster under the bed in the form of my domestic abuser ready to get me and no more Don't list , My personsl I can now do whatever I want list has become never ending . 
 The freedom I have now is no different to anyone else's but after having survived 28 very long hard years in a domestic abusive relationship I now full appreciate every single thing I now do no matter how small or simple that may be .

 A perfect example is today , after one of those random spare of the moment ideas I can now be found sat at a lakeside fishing , it looks like its going to be one of those beautiful hot humid sunny summers days were the days feel never ending so the legs are out , the shorts are on and I now don't care who sees or what anyone says about it !!!! 
( as putting a picture on here and letting the whole wide word see my legs proves 🤣🤣🤣🤣 ) .

 


No one will ever again have the opportunity to tell me what I can or can't do , no one will ever tell me what I can or can't wear again , no one will tell me where I can or can't go and no one will ever try to control who I am again . 
These strong words now come from a much more stronger person .
 
How can this part rebellious punk end up wasting 28 years of their life being controlled by a total waste of space I hear you ask , well just like you I have absolutely no idea and that's exactly how bloody good a domestic abuser can be at doing what they do best . If I knew what I was letting myself into all those years ago I would of kindly and in not in a polite manner told him what direction he could travel in .

  No longer am I wasting any more of my valuable years , no more will I ever allow anyone to try to control my every move . 
I will now continue doing exactly what ever I want and if that is sat by a lakeside waiting to catch a nice fish , checking out the wildlife and eating freshly cooked Bacon sandwiches then so be it . 
   The photo below is one of my own and its proof of just how fantastic a free from Abuse life can be 😊 .
   










Countdown to positivity.

  28 years of suffering domestic abuse was more than enough for me thank you very much and those years as I've said many times before I ...