Mystoryofdomesticabuse.de

Tuesday, December 24, 2024

Christmas Eve .

 



" Twas the night before Christmas , when all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse "

                        🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

  We've finally made it .... the presents are all brought and wrapped  ,  the food is prepared and all the excited children have gone to bed  .  

Sounds perfect doesn't it , but hold on a minute what about those that are not do lucky ?........

  For those whose only anticipation the next morning is when things will all kick off yet again or which part of the day will be best forgotten .  There's no happy in Christmas when your living with a domestic abuser , it's just a waiting game instead .

  Things can start off going quite well but it can only take one silly little random thing to change the whole situation.                                   I remember those times all too well and the excuses made to the children in the morning as why there was crashing and banging going on during the night ( mainly empty cardboard boxes flying across the room that had contained presents) . The demands of " where's my breakfast ? " or " why did you buy me this piece of  usless s#£t ? "  were yearly and things never improved very much as the day went on .

    It's one of those times of year that although you may be surrounded by people , you still can't help feeling very much alone .    It 's just yet another day to the abused victim but with added tinsel , there's not much Ho Ho Ho going on .  


  This post is totally dedicated to all domestic abuse suffers past , present and future  . As a survivor I can have total sympathy to how Christmas can be at times the most horrendous time of year. Its a thing that that can never really be understood unless you've been unfortunate enough to have experienced it ,  I have and please , please if you need to talk then just use my blog email that can be found in my profile , I shall be checking on it on a regular basis during the day just in case .                                                        

    This is just a very short post without my normal rambling words due to it being a bit late and sleep being much needed for the chaos in the morning but........


Look after each other , stay safe  and don't forget I'm in the background if required. 

    May your Christmas day be a calm and peaceful one 😊 

                 ðŸŽ„🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

                                         

  



Sunday, December 22, 2024

Words

 



It's not what you say but how you say it that really matters..........


   Just saying a few simple words can seem completely harmless , but they can have an enormous effect sometimes . When I write these posts I try to put a bit of care into how I put all the words together , maybe not always perfecto at times but my excuse is I'm not a professional writer, I write as I think and I do it all as if I were talking to a friend . 

 " Have a nice day " can sound totally innocent but now try saying it in different ways , it can then become spiteful , sarcastic , or even threatening.  Those that domestically abuse are very good at this game , they will say something in a certain tone of voice and then when challenged about it they  will then say " but I only said  ..."





   Those not so constructive criticisms that come from an abuser are meant I think to have a lasting effect and they will go all out to make themselves out to be the innocent party . You won't get asked do something like "Is that a new top your wearing ? " but instead it will be " Did you really mean to put that on ? ".  

  Those words can creep into a persons head  and then the self-doubt will begin which leads to a " more suitable choice of clothing " , which means your late leaving the house , which then leads to more not so subtle comments about you being usless/never on time and this all happens because of that first little comment .


  Hate as I've mentioned in a previous post may only be a small four letter word but it's meaning can be extremely painful  , love is another one of those simple small words but it can mean a huge amount to the right person .

Both of these words can be spoken and meant differently and both can leave different end results. 

 I don't particularly like the word hate and I can genuinely say I honestly don't hate anyone , I may not like the person very much and I may not like their actions but I choose to rise above it all and not hate them ( yes I don't even hate my ex abuser , there's no feelings at all attached there ) . 


  




  A really excellent example of how words can be used to good effect is Mr Winston Churchill ,  he may not have been everyone's favourite British Prime Minister, but he certainly knew how to use the right words to raise people's spirits during the second World War . He spoke to the people and the people listened , they needed a strong minded person to lead the country during this tough time and his words and the way they were spoken helped give them the strength to keep going on .

  I should add at this point that I'm not a fan of any wars or conflicts but it doesn't stop me appreciating  Mr Churchill's words .






  We are are now just a couple of days away from Christmas day and that's where words can play an important part . I was brought up to write a small letter of thanks to my relatives who had brought me a gift , obviously it can now all be done by phone or Email but those words of showing your gratitude will still have the same effect . 

    Thank you is easy to say and it should be said more often , if someone holds a door open for me , if I'm handed change in a shop or for any other reason someone does something for me I always say thank you and mean it . 


As my mother would say " You should say what you mean and mean what you say " .


   Words like " can I help you ? " or  "Are you alright ? " can be all that needs to be said to someone sometimes and it can mean a great deal , those words show someone actually cares enough to ask and this can be all a domestic abuse victim needs to hear to help them to begin their journey to survive .

    Today try to mean what you say to others especially this time of year  , that sweet little old lady on the bus who started a random conversation with you may not have anyone to talk to when she gets home so that one brief chat could mean so much , just those few words might be the only ones she's heard all day .




  Words no matter what language they come in can either ruin a day or make a day so wouldn't it be nice if everyone tried to make it the first one .


  Today I'm making it my mission to be extra polite , smile and talk to who ever may need it ( even if they look a bit weird or smell a bit funny  🙃 ) ,  I plan to say " thank you " and mean it in any shop I go into and always leave with a smile....... it costs me nothing so why not .


Smiles can be contagious ☺️ 


My shopping trip may be a bit chaotic because of the time of year but it doesn't mean I can't use my kind words on someone else and that in turn might encourage them to do the same to someone else  ( kind words can be contagious too don't you think ? ) .


                       ---------------------


Now I truly and honestly wish everyone a very Merry and peaceful Christmas , it doesn't matter if their rich , poor or an Alien , its meant for all .

    Let's make this Christmas special for others by using those words that you mean . Show the people you love and care for that you appreciate them by  using and meaning the words that you use.




 



Christmas Eve .

  " Twas the night before Christmas , when all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse "                   ...