Never be " owned " .

 

Narcissists and Abusers all seem to think they "own" you.......

   This I've never really understood , what gives them the right to actually think that they can own a fellow living free thinking person ?.... 

Notice I used the words free thinking here because at the begining of the relationship you can feel free to think for yourself , you start off being able to have your own thoughts , own opinions on things , wearing what you want , seeing who you want and doing whatever it is you want . 

  You can soon forget about having any freedom when a domestic abuser comes into your life , all that silliness will soon get lost along with most of your sanity . 

They will slowly take away or try to change anything that you say or do because it may threaten their very much valued security . This same security that they seem to be extremly protective of they can also take from someone else by trying to shut off any outside contact ( family and friends included ) , they have to feel that they are the one and only person of any value in your life and they will refuse flatly to share you with anyone or anything else . 

Control starts to happen almost straight away except you can't always see it at the time , abusers are very good at what they do so you don't tend to notice what's going on when it begins to  happen. 

They can start with some of what they would call  " constructive criticisms " like " are you really sure you want to wear that ? " and they then slowly start to grow and change over a period of time into " WTF are you wearing !!!! " .

 All those constructive criticisms then develope into constant and consistent put downs and belittling comments that slowly burn away at your inner core , leaving you to believe you are everything that they say you are .

This then in turn can drain away your self worth and  you end up believing you really are what they say you are .

 Many years ago I once found myself being proposed to on the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris by my now ex ( every girls romantic dream right ? 🤔 ) . 

The next day I was very kindly informed that he was thinking of getting " property of " inscribed on the inside of my new ring  , this I took as what I thought at the time to be just a silly little joke but how wrong could I of been , next came the " that ring now means I own you " Comment and again I laughed that one off too , both comments should have created endless warning signals but I couldn't see them at the time .

 Another unseen red flag moment came on the ferry back home when I was told not to make a big fuss or show off my nice new glistening shiny engagment ring to anyone else or make any embarrassing scenes about it 💍 🚩.

 Ownership to them means they have the perfect right to control your every breath and movement , you can't do anything without their permission and God forbid you actually did something spontaneous or instinctively without them knowing about it . 

 They seem to think you are completly incapable of doing absolutly everything so of course they need to tell you how you need to live your life or else you obviously wouldn't be able to survive . 

NO ONE EVER HAS THE RIGHT  OWN ANYONE ELSE  !!!

Freedom away from an abuser is a unbelievablely wonderful glorious thing !! 

  You strangly seem to be more than capable to cope with life all on your own and you can successfully deal with all it decides to chuck in your direction very well too  . 

Any mistakes that come along your way  simply become a lesson learnt  and you just keep on traveling forward . 

 It can be a wonderful life being true to yourself and well worth the effort if you try , there is a whole big wide world out there to explore , enjoy and it's all for free so why not experience it !

  

 I no longer have my old engagement ring , I decided that there was only one proper and right fitting end to it and that was to sell the stupid thing for scrap !!  ( a decision I should add I've never regretted) .

It was sold the very next day after I told the ex we were finished , I didn't get very much for it but that sort of summed up the entire 28yr relationship really don't you think 🤔 . 

  There's very little left in my house from that particular horrendous period of time in my life now and that's because I decided that I didn't want or need any reminders of what my life used to be like and I wanted to concentrate on the future that was now all mine to live for myself   .

 No one will ever own me , I am a free person and I now get to do whatever I want , when I want , with whoever I want  ( within reason of course 😉 ) .

 Would I ever get engaged again ?....

 Maybe but I'd prefer not to be handed the receipt at the same time of how much the ring cost next time please 🤣🤣

Freedom as it says below can somtimes take a great deal of courage but it's most definitely one of the greatest things I've ever given myself ( apart from my children of course ) .

  All the happiness I have now stems from that one original light bulb moment were I decided that I just couldn't do it anymore and I wasn't going to allow anyone else to control my life for me or think that they own me .

 

  

  

Survival.

 

Escaping and breaking free from a narcissist/abuser is just the start......

Realising you need to put an end to the situation you may find yourself in with an abuser is one thing but then to actually do something about it is a totally differant thing all together . OK ...so you've finally had your light bulb moment and decided you can't keep on going in a physical or emotional domestic abusive relationship and summed up all your bravely to inform your abuser you won't put up with it anymore and you've had enough of them but then what ?

That magical wake up light bulb moment is just the begining of your future so you need to plant that seed of your self inner growth very well . 

The first few days will all seem a bit bewildering and scary because you have become so used to doing everything your abuser has wanted , they will plead their case with their fake broken hearted tears saying their sorry and other unmeaningful things like " let's start again " but then when this doesn't work next comes the anger . 

You will get called endless disgusting vile things and all sorts of bazaar things will get brought up in various arguments and they will in no uncertain terms tell you exactly what they think of you but once you've got past this horrible part then the rest is relatively easy ( honestly in comparison it really is ) .

 First things first you need to stop and catch your breath , you have just made a massively important decision for your future and it can't be rushed . 

There's a lot of very raw and honest conversations to be had with total random strangers and you may need to find a trusted friend to talk to if you've managed to still keep one and this is where the email in my profile can come in if it's needed and I give my word what ever is spoken about will remain confidential . 

  You have now just successfully planted your seed in all the far too heavy stuff you've been carrying around for far too long and it's now begining to start to grow and take root .

 Make sure you collect together all your private personal things in a safe place ( things like bank details , passport , driving licence and other things like that ) because your going to need them at some point . 

 If you have enough time to prepare before hand then make a secret emergency bag with all the above in and a change of clothes just in case its needed abd you need to leave in a hurry .

 I learnt quite early on that stuff is just stuff and it can always be replaced if needed , so don't worry about the non important things just concentrateon on yourself and your children if you have any .

  There are so many various amazing groups of helpful people out there who can and will advise you if you only ask , they would have heard what your about to tell them before so won't be shocked by anything you have to say . 

They will take you at your own pace and if you fall they will help pick you up again . I only know about the English ones  but I'm positive there will be the same kind of help out there for other countries so just check it out on the Internet if your able or trust someone else to do it for you .  

  After you have made all the calls , spoken to all the right people and got the help you so rightly deserve then the rest is all up to you now , its going to be your own outstanding future so why not make it a really good one ? .

  Your inner strengh ( I've spoken about that before ) will slowly start to grow so you need to nurture it and feed it well with every small successful step you take forward , these small steps will gradually get bigger as you go along the road of recovery and that inner strengh will grow with you  .

You will see the inner growth begin with your confidence and self worth , that once submissive scared person will become no more and instead there will be a most brilliantly strong all powerful person instead . The person you used to be will start to return and supprise , abd you'll decover your are not as disgusting or worthless as your fingers crossed now ex abuser once convinced you that you were .

  That seed you originally planted is now just growing and growing , its roots are getting stronger by the day . As I've said quite a few times now that feeling once you first realise that you've managed to successfully escape is phenomenal  , you seem to just smile constantly for no apprent logical reason and people start to notice the way you are behaving . 

 Family and friends will come back out of the darkness to speak to you again , in a really odd way its interesting to hear what your now ex was once saying to others about you and my bets are that it wasn't you that they didn't want to visit but it was because of who else was there instead .

  Now let's end on a more positive thought....

You have all seen a Poppy growing somewhere but did you know that a poppy loves to grow in soil that has once been neglected ? .. It's true !.🌺

Think of all those poppy fields where there's been a war many years ago in france , even though horrendous things may of once happened in that field those Poppies still manage to raise their heads to the sun and become beautiful and so can you 😊 .

 

  

 

 

   

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

  

 

  

   

Controlling .

 

Control abuse is like having someone else pulling all the strings ..........

Abusers love to dominate and control , they seem to think that obviously whoever they happen to be with at the time can't possibly know how to live their own life correctly so they feel they need to show them how it should be done properly ( properly being their way and not yours of course ) .

 I've never really understood why an abuser gets together with someone and then feels that person needs to be changed or adapted . Why be with them in the first place if the other person concerned is that imperfect ? They don't like the colour of your hair or the way it's styled ,  they don't like the way you wear your make up , they don't like the style of clothes you wear , they dont like the way you may stand out in a group of people and the list can just go on and on , yet it was all perfectly excepable when they first started talking to you and they obviously liked it or else they wouldn't be doing it .

If they don't like all the above stuff why did they bother to start talking to you in the first place ? What you were like must have sparked their interest at some point , but no they decide you need their help to downgrade ( they will call it an upgtade or improvement but it wont be ) they do it so you can't stand out in a crowd and that no one else will notice you .

It's completely illogical and crazy thinking isn't it 🙃 .

 I've already written about some of the many things I wasn't "allowed " to do whilst with my now ex , the major ones being .....

 No work .

 No bank account .

No talking to other men .

Why were these not allowed ? Well, my guess is that it's all down to his own personal and pathetic insecurities . If I don't have a life outside the house , therefore I can't possibly go somewhere else or be with someone else  🤔 .

Now I know I'm not your classic hottie and there's a little bit more of me than there used to be thanks to having had three children but I do try to make the most of what I have and would like to think I don't scrub up to bad when it comes to having an evening out , none of it is done for anyone else's purpose now but my own and it has been known on odd rare occasions for a nice random guy to try to start trying to chat me up . None of any of this fun and games were ever considered exceptable behavour with the now ex . I'm his mind men and women only ever went out for one thing and no way could they all just be good friends having a great laugh .

If you're reading all of this and have never had someone try to control your entire existence then you may not fully understand exactly how someone can not be allowed to do anything and it's a bit of a tricky thing to try to explain . Just Imagine someone having the remote and master control to your life . You might want to go one way but no , the person in charge is moving you in a completely different direction to where you wanted to go and someone else is pulling all your strings . If you're not going or doing things the way your abuser wants, then life can become extremely unpleasant with emotional or physical abuse and after a while you stop fighting against it and just end up giving to it all for an easier life . Your are basically pulled in the direction that your abusers wants you in and not the way you wanted to go .

  Writing this and reading it all back makes me think what a complete total and utter Twit I must of been for letting it all happen at the time , surely if I wanted to work and have a bank account then why didnt I just go out and bloody well do it !!!  but no, my strings were being played by a master puppeteer and I had very little choice about any of it .

 At the time the abused victim can't see what's going on  , they can't see the slow and gradual slide into total dark oblivion , and by the time they do its too late and the abused begins to start thinking and actually believing their reliant on everything the abuser does or says .

 Breaking away from a control addict isn't always easy , but yes, it can be done . I decided one day I just couldn't keep having someone else control my life anymore so I took my control back and I cut all the strings , I removed the battery out of the remote control so my now ex controller can have no more power over me anymore .

I now have no strings attached to hold me down !!

 It's my life , and no one else's  , any mistakes I now make along the way are all my own , I take responsibility for them and then learn from them . 

 No one has the right to tell someone else what they can and can't do in a relationship .  Maybe it's the abuser that has all the mental heath problems with insecurity , neglect when younger , constantly craving and needing someone else's attention and not the ones they abuse 🤔

Maybe just maybe the abusers of this world are the crazy ones with msjor issue's and not abused !!!!!!!!

 If you feel like someone else is controlling your every move then why not just simply take the control back , cut those strings and break free .

  

  

 

 

  

  

  

 

  

Never Give up .

 

 

Domestic abuse am I pr was I ever scared of it ?  I used to be but not anymore ............

   I was having a nice couple of drinks with some friends the other afternoon (something that would have been totally out of the question with my ex ) and one turned out to be an old neighbour from years ago so we ended up having a great amazing catch up  .

 This lovely ex neighbour remembered me being with my now ex and asked where he was , I explained that I had no idea and didn't care where he was or what the hell he was up to , that I hadn't been with him for a good few years now and as the drinks began to flow I explained more in detail .

 I spoke about everything just as I always do when writting these posts . Like I've said before I'm more than happy to talk about it and share my story to anyone that asks or wants to listern and I don't hold back with any of the information either ( yes the regular emotional blackmailed rape is included in the conversations too  ) .

 One very interesting thing that they mentioned to me was that although at the time I had lived in that particular road for just over 5 yrs and they recognised me straight away and knew my name but they said that they had never once met or spoken a single word to my ex . 

  This speaks volumes about how anti social a domestic abuser can really be . How can you live somewhere for years and not know or have any communication with any of your own close neighbours ? 

 It used to be one of those really nice lovely friendly roads where everyone knew each other , they helped each other out when it was needed and the children all knew and went to school together .

 But no the ex just hid himself away from all of this in his own special secret little barricaded Fort where in his small little mind he was the great all powerful master of everything and everyone .

One question I was asked by the neighbour   was am I not worried or concerned about what my ex would do or say if he ever found out what I was telling people ?.....

My answer was a massive great big NO !!!!! 

Why would I be worried about something that I didn't do ? I wasn't the abuser and  I've done nothing wrong . Why should I be scared of someone who isn't even man enough to offer any apologies to those he might hurt along the way .

 If the ex doesn't like what I'm saying or doing then that's his tough luck because he shouldn't have done it all in the first place . 

Abusers are nothing but big overgrown school bullies really and if someone bigger comes along the abuser can have a habit of then turning into nothing but a pathetic little shaking cowards .

They are the ones that should be worried not the ones they have abused . 

No I'm not and never will be worried or concerned because I now as I've said before now kick arse back and I won't ever let anyone try to take over or control my life again . If what I say or write isn't liked by the ex ( thats if he ever finds it or hears it of course ) then that's his problem not mine and at least what I'm saying is the truth and nothing like one of his many lies or over dramatic story's he likes to tell .

People who know me know me well and if they don't know me and chose to believe the ex then I don't want to know them and I dont care , its that simple .     

    Who or what others decide to believe is entirely up to them and which ever direction they decide to go is up to them too .  

 One other thing that I get mentioned to me occasionally is that I'm brave or inspirational to others for doing this but I disagree  and I honest don't think that I am , I'm just simply giving myself counselling or self help therapy as I go along and I have to say its all been going pretty good so far thank you very much 😊 .

I'm just putting out there all the crazy mixed up thoughts and feeling  that had been festering inside my head for years and to those that read or listern to me I owe a great deal of thanks to because I couldn't do any of it without you all . 

  To all those who have either been there like myself or are still battling agaist domestic abuse please never forget that you can honestly survive it and live your free life once again .

 I intend to keep on telling my story to others and to keep on going with these various posts because it's you guys out there that are helping me to help others and I couldn't do any of it without all your much needed and deeply valued support .

  

I know some just read blogs and then find something else afterwards without wanting or needing to follow people but there are also fellow victims out there who just quietly read and think " oh ..that's just like me but I'm not ready to admit it out loud yet " ( I know that feeling all too well because I was once like that ) .

 If you are one of those fellow silent victims then please follow and we can walk the road of recovery together . Check out my profile to to find my Blog email if anyone needs to scream , shout or swear about anything , all contact will remain 100% confidential . 

 There really is I promise a better life after domestic abuse and it really is honestly totally outstanding !!!!!

 

  

               

  

 

 

  

  

  

  

  

 

Abuse questions .

 

Domestic Abuse comes with a hundred questions attached so let's try to answer just a few .............

What are just some of the many differant types of Domestic abuse ?....

Physical abuse

Sexual abuse

Emotional abuse

Financial abuse

Narcissistic abuse

Coercive abuse

Gaslighting abuse

 

There's many other types but these are just the first ones that sprung to my mind . 

All of the above are horrendous and just plain soul destroying .  

 No-one has the right to do any of the above to someone else who they are supposed to care about .

All can of course be escaped from when the time is right .

          Chances of recovery = 100%

        -------------------------------------------------

What are some of the warning signs of a domestic abusive person ?...... 

Jealousy 

Possessiveness 

Controlling behavour

Impossible expectations

Isolating another person

Passing on the blame to others

Being hypersensitive 

Speedy involvement

Again there are many more to add but all have their own major red flags 🚩🚩

 If you spot any of these in someone then my suggestion is to avoid them at all costs before it overtakes your life .

All as a rule it starts without you even realising what's happening , by the time you do work out that something isn't quite right your already being smothered by it .

          Chances of recovery =100%

          ----------------------------------------

What are the worst things you can say to an abuser ?......

No 

Stop playing the victim 

Your not listening 

Your being a bully 

It's your fault not mine 

Life is'nt just all about you

I've had enough I'm leaving

All can be said if your feeling brave enough but there will be consequences attached for daring to do so . Always look out for any consequence for your actions .

Escaping from the situation can be done .

       Chances of recovery =100%

      

             ---------------------------------------

What are some of the signs of emotional abuse ?.......

Putting you down in front of others

Trying to humiliate you in front of others

Trying to embarrass you in front of others.

Using eveything and anything to make you feel bad about yourself.

Having negative opinions about everything you do or say . 

I know all to well about the above and even more was thrown in my direction on a regular basis . 

In a very bazaar way its like making you feel small makes them feel bigger .

         Chances of recovery = 100%

           ----------------------------------------

What can trigger Domestic abuse ?......

When the abuser can't get their own way .

When they feel their self image is under threat .

When they feel they are being criticised. 

When they feel they are being neglected.
When they sense it that someone else can pick up on their bad behavour.

When they are asked to apologise for something they have done .

This is yet another one of those lists that could just go on and on and on . Abusers hate being made to feel inadequate so will go out of their way to make sure they are the most important person in anyone life and they dont really seem to care how they get there .

            Chances of recovery = 100%

As you can proberly tell by now the whole subject about domestic abuse is full of endless questions that don't really have decent enough answers ( some questions can never be answered ) ,  but all can have a 100% chance of a full recovery once you've broken away from it .

The biggest question is.......

   

why do abusers do what they do ?....

 

and this is one of those things that will unfortunately never have a good enough answer . 

Why would anyone feel the need to dish out form's of emotional and/or physical abuse to someone their meant to love and care for ?...

Is it just that they haven't yet grown out of their toddler terrible two phase and now like getting their own way in life a little too much.

Or maybe their brains are just completly wired up differently to everyone else's and in their minds it's the rest of us that are just crazy dreamers and not them at all .

   There is and never will be a good enough excuse or reason for anyone to treat someone else to any form of domestic abuse !!!! 

 Abusers will never apologise for their own actions ( some might but it's never truly meant ) and they will never take full responsibility for them either . 

Abusers in their own mind are never wrong so therefore they can't see what their doing is wrong . They seem to think in their mind that everything that is done is perfectly acceptable behavour so whats the problem .

Personally no I don't think I'll ever find all the answers to the endless questions but it won't stop me from reaching out to try to help others .

 If anyone needs any moral support after first breaking away from domestic abuse then you will be able to find my Blog email in my profile  as you can tell I may not have all the answers but at least I can be there just like a friend .  Any communication will of course be kept totally confidential .

Please feel free to express your options , more questions or even maybe answers but try to remember before you do that some of those answers are really only nothing more but excuses for an abusers bad behavour and that when you try to answer any you may discover there's more questions than answered. 

  If you look I have always put a chance of recovery = 100% after each major question and that's because absolutly big time it can be done , OK yes it may take a while and your brain can get seriously muddled at times but if I can move on after my 28yr domestic abusive imprisonment then honestly yes anyone can ,  there is only one person stopping you at the end of the day and that's you !!

 

 

  

  

The calm after the storm .

 

Domestic abuse victims can't always see it at the time but......... 

 These wise words above were once said by Mother Teresa and she certainly had a really good point . 

A smile can be the first thing you always greet someone with when you meet them and I'm a firm believer you should always pass a smile on to someone else who may need it . 

 As you can proberly gather from the photos  used ( all my own and taken today ) I'm back  to one of my happy places fishing again and what a simply perfect day to pick to do it  . As I'm sat here in beautiful early morning sunshine with my first of many endless cups of tea ( and waiting for my bacon sandwich to arrive ) , I can hear Robins , Chiff Chaffs , Canada geese , Sparrow's singing their hearts out and in the distance there's a Woodpecker doing its thing . The various wildlife I've seen or heard whilst waiting for the fish in the past have included grass snakes swimming across the water , brilliant blue flashes of kingfishers , mice and even owls calling as the light begins to slowly fade and its always worked to keep me chilled out and relaxed . 

 What's there not to smile and be happy  about ? .....

I remember those days of domestic abuse all too well when life wasn't nearly as easy going as it is now , there were days where I used to seriously wonder if life was even worth waking up to in the morning . Every single day involved an extremely carefully mastered and well used action plan involving doing everthing I was told or controlled to do in order to just keep the peace and calmness going for as long as I possibly could  . 

  Basically it was a case of being seen but never heard and jumping into which ever fire pit was requested at the time regardless of whatever pain it could create and just keep on being the performing monkey that I become over the years .

  Smiling , being happy and actually enjoying myself was of course never an option .

Weekends or holidays could be the worst occasions because it meant it was just me , my now ex and the kids and there was no one else for him to perform his favourite act of being  " a genuine really nice guy " to .

  I would just simply go straight into auto pilot self protection mode where I would just simply stay quite , make his coffee and try to create what ever food was demanded .

Walking on egg shells or thin ice became a perminate daily event and a volcanic super sized eruption could be expected to happen at any random given opportunity so I learnt over time to always be on my guard .

  Yes as I've said before we did have the odd good day but I never really totally trusted them .  Abusers seem to only recharge themselfs with anything that's negative and being positive about something only seems to drain away their charge away even more quickly .

There would certainly have never ever been any totally ridiculous just sitting around a lakeside watching the world go by or waiting for the fish to catch the bait .... Nope that would have been considered far to much of a good thing so we just had to sit and enjoy watching what ever football match that happened to be on instead or whatever playstion game was being played ( both with added swearing at any given opportunity ) .

A really good question is.....does fishing mean that I am harming or abusing the fish in any way just like the abusers of this world do to others  ?....

 

         Not when I do , it absolutly never . 

  Any fish caught are simply just reeled in , seen how heavy it could be , the traditional photos taken and then they are placed very carefully back in to the lake so they can happily swim away again to live another day and they are never ever taken back home ( its more about the actual catching of the fish rather than the eating of it ) .

I'm a big major being outside kind of person I guess ( but you've already worked that one out already )  and all the peace , calmness and tranquility I can find there , not being shut up inside for me is just completly priceless for me and I dont think I could ever deal with an office type job .

Mother Nature has always been my place to go to place during good or bad times , when ever things got far to much to bare I could always be found somewhere else outside even if it meant I was just doing a bit of gardening in the pouring rain or cutting branches off a tree in blazing hot sunshine .

 My day today started with a great big smile full of anticipation for the day ahead and even if it looks like the weather could change at any given moment I don't care , I will remain smiling and being content with the world all day long because this domestic abuse survivor now fully appricates every single day she's lucky enough to be given 😊

I mean just really take a good look at the pictures used here and then tell me its all not worth it ( all taken by myself ) .

How can you possibly not help being happy and totally enjoying the whole amazing and outstanding day when theres scenery like this out there to make you appreciate absolutly everything ?.....

It never ceases to impress me on just how totally brilliant it is when your watching the seasons slowly change and the all the colours it can give you completly free of charge .

 I'll admit it..... I'm nothing but an utter and complete outside addict and proud of it !!!

  

 

 

  

  

Lies

 

A domestic abuser hates anyone telling them a possible lie but they are the worse offender for doing it...........

 

Abusers absolutely hate lies... fact !!!

  They choose to not to want to believe a single word anyone tells them and if what they are told later gets proven to be the truth and factual then they will just simply become very vocal about the person who was talking to them stating that they are nothing but an attention seeker or their were exaggerating about everything they had said .

  If you tell an abuser it's due to rain at some point that day be prepared to have at least 5 weather reports , a rain gauge and a rather nifty and convenient weather forcaster in your pocket as proof , You will still not actually be believed untill it totally  hammers it down relentlessly for hours and even then they will declare its not really raining but its just very heavy dew instead .

Abusers seem to have a natural or rather should I say unnatural ability to disbelieve every single word they are told .

Abusers will react to any lie told as if it were a major horrific crime scene , they will become all dramatic and deeply offended ,

 sometimes just sometimes a little white lie has to be told in order to keep a secret ( think Christmas or birthday surprises ) but even that can be held and used against you when they decide to create yet another argument or its used as blackmail in order for them to get whatever it is they want .

  

You can try to lie to an abuser but I would never recommend  it . They will grill and interrogate you always trying to catch you out at every single turn and if once after you get found out ( no matter how small or insignificant that little white lie could be ) then you will be sentanced and condemned to either a massive temper explosion or a long term spell of the big dreaded killer Silence .

You will be labelled and confirmed as a well known lying traitor and you will instead get upgraded to being an perminate mentally unstable offender ( had that one thrown in my direction loads of times ) and you should never be trusted by anyone ever again . Yet they will then tell their version of overdone and dramatic lies in order to get others to believe its not their fault but all yours instead for lying .

 Abusers however can tell as many lies as they feel fit no matter how extreme that lie might be and if proven to be a lie they will then become all intensively offended on why you didn't believe them in the first place and then try to blame you for making them having to tell the lie in the first place .

 Their don't seem to have the intelligence to even make their own lies realistic enough to want to be believed sometimes or their theory is that if its not mentioned then therefore it never happened and nobody saw or even heard it and if you challenge what they may of said guess what can happen ?......

Yep you then get accused of telling lies .

My now ex very kindly informs others that I was the one having an affair ( not true ) and that's why we separated but what he fails to mention was his constant abuse , his need to conrol over everthing or the fact he had been on a dating website for at least 6 months before it all happened . 

Meanwhile he of course portrays himself out to be the total and complete innocent party who would never hurt a fly .

Domestic abusers are very good at sometimes adapting or extending a lie ,

The story my now ex used to love to tell was when he was once with his now ex wife , he said he caught a man he didn't know walking out the main door to the block of flats they used to live in , this story grew into an epic novel over the 28 years I was with him for .

  The story changed from the main door to their own front door and then it became he actually caught both of them sitting in the sofa together as he walked in after work one day and so the story just kept on growing untill it became that they were obviously having an affair and doing all sorts of other stuff whilst he wasn't there ( apprently he knew that they had been in the bed because the bedding had been changed that day  ) .

 I should imagine similar stories are being told about me now .

 What I've never really understood is why is it so criminal for others to lie to them but its fine for them to do it to other people  ?.....

  It's yet another of the many questions I can't and never will be able to answer about abusers and what they do  .

  Abusers don't seem to know how to treat other people the way they would wish to be treated themselves ,  they just do what ever they they want , when ever they want and to to who ever they want without caring who or what gets in their way and there can be all sorts of chaos if it doesn't happen .

 

They will attempt to get out of any awkward situation they might find themselves in and if all else fails they will put their mask on to do the very one thing that they apprently dispise the most..........they just simply lie their way out if it  .

 The most frustrating thing is domestic abusers are incredibly good at what they do when it comes to telling a lie , they will do the classic sad wide eyed innocent puppy dog look  and then simply just lie away . 

I know a case where the particular person involved was ( still is I'm sorry to say )

is so good at what they do that they have most successful managed to get themselves rehoused not just once but twice claiming the domestic abuse card when in fact they are the abuser in the first place  !!

   Lies can eventually get found out and so can abusers , my suggestion to you is if you have to listern to any from your abuser is just to smile sweetly , nod your head as if in agreement and understanding and just let it all just wash over you , they won't remember the lie they have just told so why should you ? ......

  

 

 

 

  

  

  

  

We all stand together.

 

Domestic abuse can only ever really be truly understood by those that have lived through it.....

 Escaping it isn't always easy but with support from others yes it can be done , just as there are hundreds out there living through the abusive nightmare right now there are equally hundreds who have survived it . Survivors know and understand about domestic abuse more than anyone else ever can , we have had our more than fair share of verbal , financial , emotional and physical abuse and some of us like myself share our stories to help others .

  

  Supporting fellow abuse victims is a subject very close to my heart ( in case its not be noticed yet ) and its one of my many reasons to keep writting after I first tried putting my story down somewhere  .

 I am one of the lucky ones who managed to get out and survive it but there's even more out there who haven't and today I'm asking anyone who may read this ( and I know someone is somewhere ) to hold their hands up high and say  " Domestic abuse is wrong !!   I want to help too ". 

  Those still going through their abuse need those that have survived it to show that there really can be a better tomorrow and the bruises both inside and out will slowly fade and heal over time .  

 Abusers are positively vile horrendous individuals ( feel welcome to add your own swear word in here ) , they can be violent , they can  destroy a person's inner self belief ,  they can think they have the right to rape someone , they can lead someone to take their own life in dispare and in severe cases they can even end another persons life . 

Yes it might all sound at a bit dramatic but it's all true and a reality , it does and can happen to anyone .

 

 I've heard about some abusers using the mental heath card to their own advantage or even try using the victim card , some get found out and some just slip through the net and get away with it all . That's just how good they are at acting the innocent party and you will never really know who an abuser is unless your involved in it or trusted with the information .

  

There is a thing in England called Claires Law which basically means a person can check out another person to see if they have a police record for violence , this is a fantastic idea but I personally think its not just the possible new boyfriend/girlfriend that should be checked out  , I think all parties involved should get it done too so that both sides know exactly where they stand and it could protect a possible new victim especially if the abuser is hiding behind playing the innocent party . 

 I know of one case where the abuser plays the victim card and their possible new partners all have to get checked out everytime whilst they are free to keep doing what they do and get away with it everytime because they say it was all done in self defence  ...... shocking isn't it . 

  

  Let's be 100% honest here abusers are nothing but total nasty evil disgusting bullies , who or what gives them the right to do what they do to other people ? Do they really believe someone actually asks for what they do ? 

  Male,  female,  gay or straight they all seem to think it's a perfectly fine thing to do if life isnt going the way they want it to then it's OK  to turn into an adult sized spoilt 2yr old that can't get its own way . We've all seen those type of children and with parental supervision they learn to control their actions ,  but what can you do when it comes in an adult form ?

I'm now asking others to reach out and join in with me by showing support to those that may need it .

    Abused or not it doesn't really matter because my point is that together we can all in our own way show abuse victims there are really genuine nice people out there that listern , care and they can be trusted  .  

 When your being abused it can be a seriously dark and lonely place to be so why not help me to be there for other's . 

 My Email is at the bottom of my profile ( all scammers will not so politely be told where to shove their email if they dare try to send anything ) and I will answer as soon as I possibly can  .  Its just me , a hard working domestic abuse survivor and I give my word anything spoken about will be 100% totally confidential . 

  If your one of the ones who have read some , any or all of my stuff then please follow me or make a comment good or bad between us all we can make a major difference . 

 

Together we can help even if it's only in a small way,  I remember all too well how good it felt knowing there was someone out there when I needed it so let's be that safe special place for others . Knowing that I wasn't going complety insane and that I wasn't alone became my anchor whilst I was still drowning in my version of it .

   I've noticed that this can reach as far as the USA , Canada , France , Ireland , Germany and many other places so just imagine how many people we can reach out to and help between us all 🤔  

  Knowing that there are others out there to just be there can be the most valuable important thing to someone else so again I'm asking for all to be part of this fight back against domestic abuse . 

  Yes I know  its going to be a very long endless battle but I'll never stop fighting back against it after spending far too many years being involved in my own personal episode of it . All I ask is for others to show their support and to be there .

   We need to show all the abusers of this world that we are tougher and stronger than we look , we are not afraid of them and we will not accept their outrageous childish behaviour anymore . 

 Let's all  help put a stop to domestic abuse !!!!!