Never be " owned " .

 

Narcissists and Abusers all seem to think they "own" you.......

   This I've never really understood , what gives them the right to actually think that they can own a fellow living free thinking person ?.... 

Notice I used the words free thinking here because at the begining of the relationship you can feel free to think for yourself , you start off being able to have your own thoughts , own opinions on things , wearing what you want , seeing who you want and doing whatever it is you want . 

  You can soon forget about having any freedom when a domestic abuser comes into your life , all that silliness will soon get lost along with most of your sanity . 

They will slowly take away or try to change anything that you say or do because it may threaten their very much valued security . This same security that they seem to be extremly protective of they can also take from someone else by trying to shut off any outside contact ( family and friends included ) , they have to feel that they are the one and only person of any value in your life and they will refuse flatly to share you with anyone or anything else . 

Control starts to happen almost straight away except you can't always see it at the time , abusers are very good at what they do so you don't tend to notice what's going on when it begins to  happen. 

They can start with some of what they would call  " constructive criticisms " like " are you really sure you want to wear that ? " and they then slowly start to grow and change over a period of time into " WTF are you wearing !!!! " .

 All those constructive criticisms then develope into constant and consistent put downs and belittling comments that slowly burn away at your inner core , leaving you to believe you are everything that they say you are .

This then in turn can drain away your self worth and  you end up believing you really are what they say you are .

 Many years ago I once found myself being proposed to on the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris by my now ex ( every girls romantic dream right ? 🤔 ) . 

The next day I was very kindly informed that he was thinking of getting " property of " inscribed on the inside of my new ring  , this I took as what I thought at the time to be just a silly little joke but how wrong could I of been , next came the " that ring now means I own you " Comment and again I laughed that one off too , both comments should have created endless warning signals but I couldn't see them at the time .

 Another unseen red flag moment came on the ferry back home when I was told not to make a big fuss or show off my nice new glistening shiny engagment ring to anyone else or make any embarrassing scenes about it 💍 🚩.

 Ownership to them means they have the perfect right to control your every breath and movement , you can't do anything without their permission and God forbid you actually did something spontaneous or instinctively without them knowing about it . 

 They seem to think you are completly incapable of doing absolutly everything so of course they need to tell you how you need to live your life or else you obviously wouldn't be able to survive . 

NO ONE EVER HAS THE RIGHT  OWN ANYONE ELSE  !!!

Freedom away from an abuser is a unbelievablely wonderful glorious thing !! 

  You strangly seem to be more than capable to cope with life all on your own and you can successfully deal with all it decides to chuck in your direction very well too  . 

Any mistakes that come along your way  simply become a lesson learnt  and you just keep on traveling forward . 

 It can be a wonderful life being true to yourself and well worth the effort if you try , there is a whole big wide world out there to explore , enjoy and it's all for free so why not experience it !

  

 I no longer have my old engagement ring , I decided that there was only one proper and right fitting end to it and that was to sell the stupid thing for scrap !!  ( a decision I should add I've never regretted) .

It was sold the very next day after I told the ex we were finished , I didn't get very much for it but that sort of summed up the entire 28yr relationship really don't you think 🤔 . 

  There's very little left in my house from that particular horrendous period of time in my life now and that's because I decided that I didn't want or need any reminders of what my life used to be like and I wanted to concentrate on the future that was now all mine to live for myself   .

 No one will ever own me , I am a free person and I now get to do whatever I want , when I want , with whoever I want  ( within reason of course 😉 ) .

 Would I ever get engaged again ?....

 Maybe but I'd prefer not to be handed the receipt at the same time of how much the ring cost next time please 🤣🤣

Freedom as it says below can somtimes take a great deal of courage but it's most definitely one of the greatest things I've ever given myself ( apart from my children of course ) .

  All the happiness I have now stems from that one original light bulb moment were I decided that I just couldn't do it anymore and I wasn't going to allow anyone else to control my life for me or think that they own me .