The First wake up call .

 

 I often get asked when did I first realise I was a victim of Domestic abuse ?  and this outstanding film/book is part of the answer.......

    I clearly remember watching the Oscar award winning film The Color Purple for the very first time many many years ago . I was sat completly spellbound watching as the story gradually unfolded before my eyes , I was sitting alone with my normal after dinner cup of tea and had a very unsteady hand slowly trying to drink it , I was  realising that I was just like the lead character Celie 😳 !!!! . 

All this film watching and waking up to reality was all sort of happening whilst my now abusive ex was sat in another room watching and swearing at the football and he was totally unaware about what was going on where I was concerned  ( not that he would have done very much about it even if he had by some miracle worked it all out ) . Maybe getting your wake up light bulb moment about domestic abuse from a film is a little bit unusual but I'm most deffinatly pleased it happened when it did , if it wasnt for that film or that moment my life would certainly not be as contented and as peaceful as it is now . From the moment that brilliant film began the seed of my future freedom had been planted and then that seed started to grow .

    I'm not going to ruin the complete phenomenal story line for those that haven't watched or read it yet ( but seriously suggest you do) but Celie who was an amazing character developes onto the most beautiful butterfly after being a down trodden caterpiller for years . She over comes violence and abuse , she conquers her inner demons and proves you can come out the other side reasonably in tact . It taught me that you should only do things because you want to and most deffinatly not because someone else expects you to  . In case you've not guessed it yet I fully recommend either watching it or reading it ( Audio books is a really good option too ) 😊 .

   Funny how it took just that one film to begin the slow waking up  of my thoughts about being domestically abused , I most certainly wasn't expecting it to happen and if I'm complety honest I don't  really know at the time why I was about to sit down and watch this particular film but that light bulb moment happened and and I now rewatch it , read it or listern to it at any given opportunity just to help remind myself of just how encredibly really lucky I am today.

My life may not be one hundred percent perfect now ( whose is ?) but I now take full responsibility for it , if I mess up with something then I learn from it and try again . It's all thanks to Celie that I'm now writting on here , facebook ,Instagram , Threads , X ( was Twitter ) and Quora and without watching her regain her inner strengh none of this would be happening today . If I'm honest I'm not too sure I could see my future when I was with my ex , if my life at the time was practically none existent back then I dread to think what I would have ended up doing to take all the darkness away  ( still scares me a bit thinking about the possibilities even now ) . 

The urge or need to shed a tear or cheer at the end isn't quite as strong it used to be ( its still been known to happen occasionally when I least expect it and no-ones looking ) but I shall always have a massive amount of enormous respect and gratitude for the actors involved , how well the screenplay was written and how excellently they portrayed the characters they played so expertly ( Oscars fully deserved in all cases ) .  The film obviously isn't just about Celie and her overcoming the darkness in  her life but that's the part in it that hit me with a lightning bolt that evening whilst I was watching it .

 Granted It did take me a few more years after first watching it to finally do something construtive about the abuse I was receiving at the time but I'll never forget the first time I watched it , the thoughts it gave me and the seed of reality it planted in my mind . That seed may of lay dormant for a while but it began to slowly grow over time trying to  reach for the sunlight and as it grew I became stronger too , my self belief and confidence began to return , then one day with much supprise to my now ex I had my wake up light bulb moment and took the control of my life back . 

 Funny isn't it what or who can change your outlook and views on life , it can something you hear , someone you see or even just like in my case watching a film .  Would it have rung any bells for me if I wasn't in the abusive situation I was in at the time I don't know but what I do know is that without that sudden moment of deciding to sit down to watch it I might still be having my entire soul absorbed by someone else's greedy wants or needs and the life I'm now living would never exist ( that's another scary thought ) . 

  Have you had your wake up call yet and if yes what was it ? If you haven't and your reading all of this then I promise it will happen for you eventually , sometimes it can take a while but all domestic survivors manage to get there in the 0end and just keep in walking  the path that lays ahead of them .

 ( Photo used below is one of my own 😊 . )

   

Random Facts .

  Here's some random and shocking facts about domestic abuse........

🔴 ....A domestic abuse related call is made to the police every 30 seconds .

🔴....1 in 5 adults will experience some form of Domestic Abuse in their lifetime .

🔴....Last year 2.4 million were victims of some sort of abuse .

🔴....For every 3 victims of abuse 2 are women and 1 is male .

🔴....Less than 24% of domestic abuse is actually reported to the police .

      Now I don't know about you but these facts are really sad and shocking but unfortunatly it doesn't really supprise me . Domestic abuse has been going on since the cavemen existed ( remember the comic pictures of women being dragged by their hair ? 🤔 ) and it will continue to happen for years to come .  Personally no I unfortunatly don't believe it will all ever end in my lifetime but that doesn't mean to say we don't have to stop trying to educate people in how wrong it all is and the effects it leaves behind with the abused victim . 

  

It's all down to us the survivors to teach the next generation that just because your parents may of been abusive it doesn't mean to say you automatically have to be it too . Being abusive doesn't and will never solve every problem or issue and NO !!!!! it's not and never will be the correct way to act in life .  

 Just imagine if everyone hit out or got verbally or physically aggressive every time things didn't go the right way , the whole world would just completely fall apart with the mass aggression . Granted there have been some countries that have been ruled like that in the past but what was gained ?...

Your absolutly right and deep down for the real people who have to live there and not the government that try's to rule it nothing is gained apart from a bad reputation ( that's the peace loving anti war person in me speaking and I'll stop now before I land myself into any trouble ) .

 

    

All domestic abusers out there should just man-up , shut up and grow up , they should stop behaving like an outgrown spoilt sefish little demanding 2yr old brat that needs an extended visit from SuperNanny !! 

   No-one has the right to physically or mentally abuse anyone in life  , it's unexeptable , unneeded and uncalled bad behavour from another fellow human being  . Above all else NO !! nobody will ever ask for it or make the abuser do it , they should be held responsible for their own actions and pay the consequences for it .  

  

  I have never met yet or heard of a domestic abuser who has openly admitted to their actions , given a deep and honest heartfelt and meaningful apology and then gone into recovery for it to never happen again and they have changed for the better .

  They will say sorry it will never happen again but its never meant , the tears are never real and if totally ignored and the end result wasn't the one expected then the anger comes back again and you're back where you started with them . 

  The laws are very slowly changing ...

Emotional abuse is now classed as a crime ( although it can in some cases be encredibly differcult to prove ) .

 Being intimidated into having sex is now classed as a form of rape ( again a little bit differcult to prove ) .

At  least it's all a few steps forward and proof that things are now slowly changing . 

 Remember the story about the Tortoise and the Hare ?  Well it's just like that,  in order to change things about abuse , it has all has to be slow and steady to win the race. 

What ever happens from now on has to happen for all the right reasons , it needs to happen for all those that are or have been abused and it needs to teach others that abuse is totally unnecessary and needed . 

  Abusers don't deserve any easy punishments  , they seem to think they are never wrong  and they will never apologise or be responsible for their own actions .  They can spin a very elaborate web of lies in order to get them out of something but that's all they are just lies , if pushed hard enough that web of lies can be broken .

 I've never really worked out exactly where an abusers gets the need  to abuse from but they have certainly got ot from somewhere .

Nobody is ever born with a natural instict to domestically abuse another person so maybe it's learnt behaviour from parents ?  ( in my now exs case yes I think it was ) or is it a desperate case of needing and wanting attention ?  ( think they all have a little bit of that ) .

 Where ever it came from or who ever they got it from doesn't really matter but what doe's matter is why the hell do they keep on having to do it ? 

My bets are on the fact they keep on doing it because they haven't ever been told its wrong so stop doing it and if you don't stop you will get reprimanded for it .  

  Just like that spoilt little child that demands  it's own way they will just keep on doing it because it works and if it isn't broken why fix it ? .

  The best way I've personally found that works when it comes to dealing with a domestic abuser is to just simply walk away from it permanently, granted its no major punishment for them and they will just continue their highly unpleasant actions somewhere else but at least the abused victim gets to excape to freedom .

   If they do the crime then they should do the time !!!!!

 

 

 

   

I'm busy doing nothing.

It's days like today that I look back on what life used to once be like for me and then what I have now....

 The photo above is one of my own many personal ones that I've taken and its shared because it proves my point about me now being totally content with the life I now have and as I'm sat here in my garden writting this post on this beautiful gloriously warm sunny summers afternoon enjoying a very well earnt cup of tea and a couple of ginger nut biscuits after work . The birds are singing , the bees are busy buzzing around looking for the next flower , the butterflies are fluttering like confetti in the sky and as days go it's been pretty good one so far , but then it does all help to make me remember what my days used to be like a few years ago and be completely grateful for everything I have now , my days back then certainly were never allowed to be this chilled out or relaxes and that's for sure 🦋 🐦🐌🐛🌳 .

 

 No way would I of ever gotten away with just simply sitting down relaxing doing absolutly nothing , drinking my tea and just generally watching the world go by  , no way would it be so quite or peaceful and no way would there be this no need to rush around in order to get everything done just in case the abuser suddenly came back home kicking off for the umpteenth time about absolutly nothing in particular ( mind you thinking sbout it I wasn't actually allowed to go to work back then either 🤔 ) .

   

This then makes me appreciate in turn that I now get to do things in my own sweet sometimes haphazard and quite often silly bomb happy little way , there's no worry of waiting for what could happen unexpectedly and deffinatly deffinatly no extra unneeded or unwanted stress or anxiety , my life is most deffinatly a totally a no Worry , no Hurry kind of life and I absolutly love it .

  

 I'm 100% grateful for everything and everyone I have now in my life and to anyone else whose stuck in the dark unforgiving bottomless pit of domestic abuse you too can have this kind of calmness , all you have to do is just take a mighty big deep breath and make that final leap for freedom . Granted Its not always easy and yes you do need to be braver than you've ever been or think you can be but if I can do it after 28yrs extremly long years of abuse then so can anyone else .  

I keep on saying it but its absolutly true anyone can just walk or run away from the abuse they are having to deal with if they really and truly want to . Never believe you can't do it because I promise yes you can , it's the negative thinking that your abuser has passed on to you that's the only thing that's stopping you . Once you leave behind all that negativity you will start seeing the sunshine start to come back in your life once again and you'll regain your self worth and value in no time  .

       

Always remember life is far too short to get it wrong or to waste any more of those valuable years being domestically abused by someone who says they care about you . Don't wait for life to slowly trickle by thinking you don't matter because you do and always will . Just grab life by the horns , break away from the domestic abuse and enjoy every single wonderful breath you take 😊

As the the late great Mr Noel Coward would sing..... 

 He was totally spot on with this way of thinking , with the right mind set you too can be seriously and totally busy doing absolutly nothing at all , going absolutly nowhere and yes its your own free choice and doing it means you won't have anytime left to be unhappy about because you never will have the time 😊 .

 

   As you  have probably noticed its the old hippy part of of me thats coming out today , its the side of me that had to hidden for far too long because it was considered " Not normal " but if that's the case then what counts as normal ?....

 I'd much rather be my abnormal self any day than be boring , personally I think it's all the domestic abusers out there that are " Not normal " not me !

 O.k I may have a few unusual and slightly odd habits ( like dipping my French Fries in my Strawberry milkshake 😋 ) but compared to all those domestic abusers out there mine are completly harmless and at least they don't hurt or effect anyone else . 

 

Thats the benifit of being allowed to be true to yourself  with no abuser control , your free to make your life completly your own in your own way by doing your own thing . 

Never feel your not a good enough person just because your abuser tells you and most importantly don't ever think you need to change in order to become the person your abuser says he wants . 

Always stay unique !

 Why try to be like everyone else ? ....

If we were all the same the world would be a

boring place don't you think ? .

  

  I think I'll stick to the chill out and relax  way of life now I've been lucky enough to be able to refind it again and I'll carry on drinking tea , munching on the odd random biscuit , counting the ants wandering around and watching the squirrels teasing my two  cats by jumping to the next branch in yhe tree at the very last minute ( I'm not sure which one gets the most enjoyment out of the last one but it certainly makes me laugh to watch it ) .

It may all sound like a very simplistic easy going type of existence but I'll have you know it can  take a great deal of hard work to do absolutly nothing !! 😊 .

 

 

        

   

    

    

    

Silent tears.

 When things get bad and you just want to cry its a perfectly normal human reaction but not when it comes to someone who is or has been through domestic abuse ......

  Silent tears , invisable crying or call it what ever you want its something the abused gets down to a very fine art , You learn very early on that it's the only way you can cry .

Outwardly you can look reasonably fine and collected but inwardly there's a tidewave of unseen tears going on that no one will ever get to be witness to .

 Why are they silent or invisable ?...

 That's one of the extremly rare questions about domestic abuse that I can answer , they are silent because there's no point in letting the abuser know or see how much they've hurt or upset you , You may get asked if your are caught crying " what's up with you ? " but they know really because it was all down to them in the first place . 

You finally admit why your upset to them and it all then instantly all gets turned around and becomes your fault because your the one obviously who has major issues not them . 

 The abuser seems to want to do nothing more than to want to cause as much pain and hurt as they possibly can and they don't really seem to care how they do it . They want and need you to cry , and they strangly need to see the damage or pain they have caused and they then seem to get some sort of crazy bazaar buzz or high out of seeing the final finished result .

  Once they they get the opportunity to see just how much they have successful hurt or damaged someone they then instantly go on the defensive by declaring its not their fault , you started it or you deserved it .  Totally an utterly crazy thing to do but they seem not to be able to see it that way or take responsibility forvehat they have just done .

   

 You learn extremely quickly as the abused victim to never show any of your emotions on the outside and to never ever show any pain you might be feeling because that's giving the abuser exactly justvwhat they want , instead you just go into quite survival mode , you just put a forced fake smile on your face and agree to whatever it takes to get the highly valuable peace and quite back once again .

 

  You become almost to tough for tears , you keep the hurt and pain firmly locked away safe inside yourself where it can't be seen , then when it's very late at night and all are fast asleep you might just allow a couple of those very special tears to escape but that's all you can afford to let go because if you let it all out you know you would never stop and you may then run the risk of drowning in a sea of your own tears .

  Once learnt its something you never forget how to do , your life may have improved after the abuse but as soon as you feel vulnerable or threatened in any way again you will find yourself putting up those sky high invisable barriers all around yourself in order to safely protect yourself again . It's not something I'd expect someone who as never had to deal with any aspects of domestic abuse to fully understand because its obviously just reserved for those of us that have . It's not the greatest all secret super power thing to know how to do but sometimes it's the only thing that can be done , no one will ever notice your doing it and no one will ever know because its your way of safe guarding yourself , whatever thoughts are going through your head at the time just stay in your head .

 I don't think my now ex ever had any idea about what I was up to when I went all quite , in his world quite meant he had won yet another day of emotional abuse . 

It's got to be some sort of odd world to live in if you feel you have to upset or hurt someone else just because you can , but that's exacly what the domestic abusers of this world insist on doing and they dont care who the hell they do it to either . 

  

 So if you happen to think that you thought you were the only one out there to cry those silent unseen tears then I'm sorry I'm afraid  your very much wrong because there are hundreds of us out there who now all share that same special unique ability . 

 There are very few of those unseen silent  tears left now for me , yes they can still happen occasionally on extreme rare occasions but it as I've just said very rare and even that's only if I've been pushed to the very very maximum extreme maximum overload point .

  My life now is more full of laughter than those unwanted silent tears , I try as a go along in life to turn what ever negative thought that comes along into a positive one instead , it works most times and I try to pass it on to others .

   

  Finally picture is a little bit of positive after such a lot of a negative in this post , it was taken whilst out fishing just the other day and I think it sort of show quite well that even after a little depressing rain and you think your day may be a sad one all if a sudden and is if by magic there is always still a very good chance a rainbow just like this one can as if it seems to know you might need it  suddenly appear to make you smile 😃 . 

  

  

  

   

  

Never say Never .

 Do you remember a time before the abuse started ? Do you remember how relatively easy and calm life was once like ? ........

  The photo above is yet another one of my own and just like the tide life can flow in and out with all the good and bad times  .

 Living with a domestic abuser is very similar to that , some days are not that bad with no added hassle but other days can be an absolute nightmare .

There is always at least a handful of of the average everyday boring things in life that abusers insist on trying to control  in someone elses world but saying that they can equally be completely unpredictable on what they decide to do ( not a great deal of help really is it ? ) . 

They seem to feel their security is threatened if you dare wear or do anything that might make you stand out from the crowd and don't even dare considering to think it's perfectly execptable to talk to anyone else other from the opposite sex ( even that can come with risks ) without their full approval.

 

   In my case one really stupid thing I was never allowed to ever do was to wear knee high boots over my jeans ( told you it was stupid ) .

 I've got absolutely no idea why this was such a major outrageous crime but if ever I got caught out trying to do it then my punishment was either a tirade of abusive swearing , a lengthy spell of a killer silence or on a really good day I'd get given both together  .

I broke this golden rule once in a shop and had " why are you dressed like a right slag ? " thrown in my direction very loudly in front of several other customers who just looked at me in total shocked and supprised sympathy  😳

All I could do was just simply just return a shrug and and a smile in their direction hoping it would cover any embarrassment caused .

  Yes its totally a crazy idiotic way to live your life , why be with someone in the first place if you don't like who they are or what they do and wear ? 

  Even now after I've come out from the dark side of abuse I still find myself remembering about doing the boot thing but with luck that's only one of the very few minor silly little things I find myself still thinking twice about it before I actually do it .

  I now own two pairs and wear them when ever I damn well want !!!!!!

( below are none of mine but... 🤔)

   Now to go back to the title of this one , if you ever find yourself in a similar unfortunate position then my advice to you is Never Say Never to getting out of it . 

Granted Its a massive scary leap to make but it can be done as I'm living proof and it's wil be all worth it in the end . 

A  really good couple of questions to ask is why are abusers ever completely happy with what they have in life  and if not why ?

They seem to spend their entire life trying to change things or people into something else but when they do finally get things the way they want , they then seem to not want it that way anymore .

  Nope it doesn't make a great deal of sense to me either , why waste your time and energy on something only to change your mind about it once you get it  ? 

What a sad ungrateful little world abusers  must live in .

 

 You are and always will be your own very special amazing unique individual superstar person and nobody will ever own you , they certainly won't ever have any right in trying to control how or what you decide to do in your life becauseits your life not theirs . 

If they don't like what they see when they first meet you then they should just keep on walking and do you the greatest favour of all by never having to associate with them .

Now back to the wearing boot thing in my wardrobe I'm now the grand owner of a ridiculous amount of shoes ranging from loads of trainers to several pairs of different types of boots , why I hear you ask do you need that many pairs , you can't possibly wear them all at the same time and your certainly not a millipede ? .....

  I have them all simply because I can now and I wear them ( obviously not all at the same time ) again because I can and if I want to wear odd shoes or black leather mega kinky thigh high boots now I bloody well will !!  ( not that I actually own any black leather ones but it's an interesting thought 😆 ) .

  

My confidence levels will never be super fantastic sky high but during my time of domestic abuse it was practically non- existent , any faith in how I might of looked or appeared to others was almost vertually non extinct and I fully believed after a  period of time that I must be as " fat , usless and ugly " as I was regularly told I was . 

Looking back to those dark days I know now that I can't possibly be all that he used to say I was , I can't be that fat if I'm still wearing the same size jeans I've always worn even after having three children , I can't be that useless if I've somehow managed to successfully get rid of my ex and survive plus hold a good job down for several years and I can't be that ugly if  I've managed to replace the old abusive nightmare with a vastly improved better model who let's me be 100% true to myself .

  Most importantly.......If I'm such an equivalent of a total and complete waste of usless ugly space why am I writting all of these posts and somewhere along the line other people are actually reading it all !!!!

 

Are you ready to say.......

 

  

  

What woud they be ?

 If domestic abusers were a type of animal which one would they be ?....

The first few choices that come to my mind are weasels, rats , snakes , wasps and slugs , nothing against these poor innocent creatures but they just sort of fit . 

Both weasels and rats I have personally nothing against either but in the wild they can both be sneaky and are takers not givers ( should add pet rats are not included) , Snakes can just be purely venomous ( again pet snakes not included ) , wasps are well just wasps who will for no apprent reason  just randomly sting someone because they feel like it , Slugs however are just plain horrible slimy nasty little buggers ( just ask any gardener ) and they will just destroy everything that dares to grow in their way .  I dont think I've ever meet anyone who actually likes slugs !!

  

What animal do you think would your abuser suit best ?.......

 Is it unfair to compare humans and animals together ?.... Maybe .

Animals don't tend to know any differant but abusers as human beings should know much better but unfortunately they don't always seem to . Abusers can quite often appear to know exactly what they are doing and why they are doing it , they seem to get some sort of weird bazaar kick or high out of what their doing to others . 

  Is it some great almighty power they feel when they control your every move or is it some sort of lack of security ?

 Yet again I've got no idea , they will tell you whatever they think you need to hear so you fall into their trap and then they play with you just like a cat playing with a new toy . 

 

 I wasted far too long trying to work out the mind set of my now ex and the causes behind his actions but I gave up because none of it made any sense .  I used to make various excuses for him over the years but that's all they ever really were just plain old sad feeble weak excuses .

  Over the years I've been lucky enough to of had many various types of different pets but none have ever been as temperamental , vicious or nasty as my now ex and I've never really had to make any excuses for them either . 

As the old saying goes it's not the dogs fault but it's owner well maybe that could also apply to anyone who domestically abusers someone else , maybe they are only like the way they are because of how they were brought up ? 🤔 .

 None of the apologies given by an abuser are ever really meant and I honestly don't think they  know how to say what they mean and mean what they say in life . 

  I've never really figured why someone would  want to hurt someone else just so that they could get their own way .

 Why on earth would you want to stop a busy hungry caterpiller from turning into a beautiful butterfly ?  

That's exactly what any domestic abuser will try to do and it's like an overgrown spoilt little two year old has just chucked their dummy out of the pram . 

  So if your with a weasel , ferret , snake , rat , slug , pig , eel , shark or whatever animal you decide best fits then maybe you should start thinking seriously about getting them rehomed far far away ( unfortunatly having them put down isn't an option here ) .   

They will never change their skin or fur so there's no point in even trying to or wasting time waiting for it to happen .  

You can try to pet them , love them , care for them, feed them and look after them to the best of your caperbility but at the end of the day that Rottweiler ( or any other breed for that matter  ) can and will one day turn just around and hurt you back in return without any warning  ( apologies to any gentle beautiful Rottweilers out there ) . 

 

 🤔  Maybe in the long not so distant future all those that abuse could all be put in the same cage in a zoo somewhere distant where all those that have been abused can come and just laugh at them and see just how much they like having all their freedom and privileges removed from them 🤔  

     

   

  

    

   

   

There was a time....

 Who actually really likes or enjoys going to work ? O.k maybe not actually enjoy it but the feeling of independence of being able to go or do anything ....... 

  It wasn't that long ago when there was a time that I wasn't allowed to have of that sort of independence , I was supposed to stay locked and hidden away so no one could see me ,  talk to me or even communicate with me in any way . 

Even speaking to any male who just be happens to be serving me in a supermarket was classed as a severe case of seriouse flirting by both them and me . In my exs mind there was only one reason why a man would possibly want to talk to a female and it certainly wasn't about asking how much a tin of baked beans could be . 

Regardless of their age or preferences I had apparently ( or at least according to him )  had somehow managed to have affairs with the entire male population of England !! ( don't think I'd have the energy to do be able to do that if I'm honest 🤣 ) .

   

As I've said many times before I'm now extremly lucky and grateful to have a job I still love doing even if it's been a few years now and I recently gained a second one ( yes I know I'm mad for doing two 🙃) and there's times after I get home , had a cuppa and then finally sit down worn out that I question my own sanity but I then remind myself that everything I am doing now is because I'm now is because I want to and not because someone else wants me to . 

 I now longer have to hand any of my well earnt money over to anyone else now (apart to pay bills of course ) and I no longer have to almost vertually beg just to get a a few pence in order to buy something like a loaf of bread .

 I no longer have to panic if I'm running a little bit late getting home from work and if I'm asked to to go on a night out with my work mates I can just simply glam up wearing what ever I want and just go without asking anyone's permission or thinking I may get a phone call anytime  asking why I'm not home yet. 

It's all those simple little things in life thatĺ you don't really miss untill someone else tries to take it all away .

 

 Many people out there proberly won't really understand what it's like to have this sort of freedom taken away because they've never really lost it to begin with but to those of us who have getting your freedom back is like having the window suddenly flung open wide and you get to spread your wings and fly far far away and when you get there uou just keep on flying .

 I may get a bit tired and a slightly worn out sometimes doing two jobs but its totally worth every single minute of what I'm doing now .  Everything I decide to do is all my own decisions, if I make any mistakes ( which I know I've made a few along the way ) I just learn from them and start all over again untill I get things right .

Domestic abusers try to clip the wings of whoever are unfortunate enough to end up being with them and what I've never fully understood is why they ever bothered to get together with someone in the first place if all they want to do is to change or mould that person into someone else , doesn't make any logical sense really does it ? 

  

The part that's even crazier is when they finally fed up with you and don't want you anymore they then don't want anyone else to have you either so they will try their best to spoil everything for you and make you feel as unhappy as they possibly can .

 If anyone else believes half of what my ex now says about me I would have put in a Police cell and taken to court for being one of those charming ladies that sometimes stand on a street corner late at night asking gentleman if they would like to play some fun games ( and we're not talking Ludo or chess here ) , either that or I should be taken to a nice room with padded wallpaper were you get to wear your jacket safely secured back to front for ever . 

I'm fairly positive its deffinatly not me whose the crazy dreamer but I certainly someone who is !

 

 Yes I can honestly say hand on heart that I now love my newly found freedom and I enjoy absolutely every single minute of it  !!!!! . 

There's no more pacing up and down feeling like I'm trapped in the cage of domestic abuse just like a wild tiger who dreams of breaking free , no more feeling like I'm being kept on an extremy short lead that restricts my every move and no move feeling like my whole life is totally worthless and a total waste of time .

Every single decision I make now is all my own and no one else's ,  there is no more dark grey clouds of abuse hovering over me and trying to smother me ,  my freedom is now outstanding 😊 . I get to do all the normal usual everyday stuff and plus some fantastic last minute ones too . If I suddenly have a totally crazy last minute mad cap idea that I suddenly want to travel to the other side of the world just for a strawberry ice cream then I can ( not done it yet but WOW what a great idea !!! ) 

  Just like the simple paper plane thats in the picture below  once you make that decision to take flight you may not necessarily know exactly what direction you may be going in but you still just keep on going enjoying the whole experience of flying ! 

   

  

   

    

   

No Hurry No Worry .

 There's some people out there who live their life's at 90 miles an hour , some that just muddle along and some that are so wound up they could explode at any given moment.......

The question is which one of these are you ?....

  If you decide that you want to live life perminatly in the fast lane then that's entitly up to you but I don't think I could do that . I wouldd hate to think I was so busy zooming around like a Formular One racing car that I might miss all the little things that can be  gone in glance type of things... like that magical colourful rainbow  , that first golden dandylion , the early morning glorious birdsong  or the first much needed raindrops after a hot summers day . 

These simple little things in life are in my humble small opion are all just far to perfect and precious to miss out on , none of them are Man-made yet they can all manage to still stop someone like me in my tracks . There are time when you can't help but be totally impressed by good old mother Nature at her best .

   

Those that just muddle along ( which I think I might be one of them  ) just like to let life do its own thing with no hurry and no worries.  

To a point its almost like a chilled out hippy type existence , we go through life desperately trying to keep anything that could be stressful at a bare minimum , we prefere no violence  and try our very best to avoid any arguments . This group tend to see life should be treated as a very special gift and it should be never taken for granted ,  

  

   

Then there's the human walking time bomb/land mine type and I think we can safely put all the domestic abusers of this world into this particular group . 

From the very minute they wake up in the morning they seem to have a dire need to get out there trying to cause as much aggravation or trouble to anyone that dares disagree or get in their way . 

They tend to think the whole world always owes them endless massive favours and it should in their eyes totally just revolve around themselves. They won't ever hesitate to lash out either physically or verbally to hurt that person who decides to get in their way or who dares disagree with them or tries to stop them going in whatever direction they want to go in a the time .  

 

 My own personal opinion is that life is too short to get it wrong and you dont get enough time to make any mistakes with it . There's to much to see , do, and most importantly enjoy . I count myself very very lucky I've now got a second chance to live my life to the full and if I hadn't of turned that page in life then I wouldn't be living this new exciting story I live now .

Granted my way of doing things may seem sometimes to get a little chaotic at times to other people but if I'm truly honest to myself I wouldn't have it another way . 

This particular Tortoise quite likes taking the slow and easy way in life , I may not get there the fastest way but at least still get there all safe and sound in the end .

  Question..... Are you.........No1 the super speedy racing car , No2 the slow but ever steady Tortoise or The hunan manic time bomb ?....

 Having lived through and survived far too many wasted valuable years of Domestic abuse I've learnt to see all of the above in different people and I can't help but think the human time bomb that is now my ex must be missing out on so much of life the question is do I feel sorry for him ?......

No I honestly don't think I do because everything he has decided to do in life is because it's been all his own free choice , no-one has made him be an abuser , no-one forced him to be one and no-one demanded it of him either , everything he did to me and to my knowledge still doing to others is all down to his own responsibility .

Abusers will have endless a list of pathetic excuses for when they get challenged over the way they are and on a really good day you could even get the fake tears that mean absolutely nothing . What ever heartfelt deep and meaningful promises are made after challenging their action that the abuser will make will in a short period of time become non existent , those promises will be just as fake as the tears that were once used to try to win you over in order to get you to believe all the lies ( sorry my mistake abusers never lie they just simply re-adjust the truth to suit ) you may of been originally told to begin with  . 

  My life now after domestic abuse is so very much better than what it ever used to be , there are no egg shells or thin ice to worry about walking over , there's very little stress or worry and I now get to live my life the way I want to without having another person constantly trying to push me in a completely different direction to where I wanted to go .

 The picture used below I remember taking all to well , it was on a day trip to a local seaside during sometime in the summer with the now ex and the children ( properly one of our last family trips ) .  It was taken and put together roughly just a few short months before I became brave enough and told the abuser he had to go .

  At the time my life was just like those sand castles that are slowing and steadily crumbling away  and just waiting for the tide to come in and wash everything all away like it never really existed in the first place .