Once upon a time.

 

Abusers love to tell their victims what they can and can't do , what they can or can't wear and who they can or can't talk to.......

 Once upon a time my life contained nothing but various rules and regulations and none made by myself , Is it because of their own insecurities , I don't know but whatever it is its still not very pleasant for the others person .

No idea about possible insecurities but they all seem to go through life thinking they can rule and control the entire universe . God forbid if things don't go their way and when it does happen they will then try to create their own personal version of a mini world war and they dont care who could get injured along the way ( and they don't particularly care what weapons are used either ) .

  

  

 They will throw any nearest available thing around and in some circumstances even hit out at the nearest available object or person .

  You can try to run and you can try to hide but the domestic abuser will always some how manage to find you and get you in the end .

 

   I once had an endless list of Do's and Don'ts I used to have to adhere to and I'm convinced the don't list grew even longer every day ( the do list was of course very minimal ) .

  Some of my major Don't even think about about it were............

    Don't show to much flesh .

    Don't wear to much make up .

    Don't wear boots over jeans  .

    Dont  course any embarrassment. 

    Don't wear shorts .

    Don't speak when footballs on .

    Don't speak to other men .

    Don't argue or answer back .

    Don't ever say no

    

All totally ridiculous rules of course but all had to be followed or else there would be some highly unpleasant consequences dished out in my direction .There's no logical reason why any of the above rules where so taboo ( never did find that one out ) , some I guess are to do with jealousy but others are just totally and completly silly . Who wss the most silly one , the ex for making the rules or me for following them ?......... 

Nope haven't got a clue either but I certainly know I was stupid for letting it continue for as long as it did .

I'm fairly positive there was most likely a few rules I've forgotten to mention but that's because the list of rules were ever changing and it was virtually impossible to keep up with them all ( the ones above were just scrapping of the surface ones ) . On a good day the rules could change and what I was allowed to do one day was banned on another one . Anything that could involve possible enjoyment or laughter was only allowed if it involved him , football , coffee,  him , more football and him .  

  I did occasionly get brave and rebel against the odd Don't on the list but I always knew there would be consequences for my actions . Sometimes it bothered me and sometimes I just became totally numb to it all . The punishments ranged from evil killer glares thrown in my direction to direct shouting just millimetres from my face plus vile nasty hurtful comment , intimidation and extreme long frozen silences that could go on for weeks at a time .

 

 But now there is no more monster under the bed in the form of my domestic abuser ready to get me and no more Don't list , My personsl I can now do whatever I want list has become never ending . 

 The freedom I have now is no different to anyone else's but after having survived 28 very long hard years in a domestic abusive relationship I now full appreciate every single thing I now do no matter how small or simple that may be .

 A perfect example is today , after one of those random spare of the moment ideas I can now be found sat at a lakeside fishing , it looks like its going to be one of those beautiful hot humid sunny summers days were the days feel never ending so the legs are out , the shorts are on and I now don't care who sees or what anyone says about it !!!! 

( as putting a picture on here and letting the whole wide word see my legs proves 🤣🤣🤣🤣 ) .

 

No one will ever again have the opportunity to tell me what I can or can't do , no one will ever tell me what I can or can't wear again , no one will tell me where I can or can't go and no one will ever try to control who I am again . 

These strong words now come from a much more stronger person .

 

How can this part rebellious punk end up wasting 28 years of their life being controlled by a total waste of space I hear you ask , well just like you I have absolutely no idea and that's exactly how bloody good a domestic abuser can be at doing what they do best . If I knew what I was letting myself into all those years ago I would of kindly and in not in a polite manner told him what direction he could travel in .

  No longer am I wasting any more of my valuable years , no more will I ever allow anyone to try to control my every move . 

I will now continue doing exactly what ever I want and if that is sat by a lakeside waiting to catch a nice fish , checking out the wildlife and eating freshly cooked Bacon sandwiches then so be it . 

   The photo below is one of my own and its proof of just how fantastic a free from Abuse life can be 😊 .