Why ?

 

Those that have been or are being domestically abused get asked on a regular basis why stay ? .........

There's so many various reasons or excuses but the above is the closest I've ever got to an answer .

  In my case I stayed because of being dependant on money , being told I was  " fat,  useless and ugly " and most importantly for my children . 

  Looking back now I can see it was all silly and  ridiculous reasons .

 I now earn my own money , I can't be that fat if I'm in the same size jeans I've always worn , I can't be that useless if I'm now encouraging other abused victims on here and various other places  and I certainly can't be that ugly because no one else has mentioned it yet or laughed at me ! ( at least not yet anyway 😏)

   That brings me to my last and final reason ...my children .

     To stay or not to stay because of them is the question , I stayed because I honestly thought my children needed their father . Having grown up with a single mother back in the 70s I always used to say to myself I didn't ever want to be in the same position , I remember some of the fights she had with my father, I remember seeing him hit her a couple of times  and I remember all too well how tough it all was for her . 

   NO thank you  ! I didn't want that for my children thank you very much  but it unfortunately didn't work out that way and life had other ideas on thecwaybthings woukd work out . 

 

I know my children saw and heard a lot and I'll never reallycknow exactly how much that was .

Has it effected their mental health  ?...

 Yes more than likely it has  . 

Did I make the right decision at the time to stay for them ?...

  Looking back now , no I honestly don't think I did .  

Do I now regret putting them through it all ?....

Absolutely and most deffinatly .

 Children are a lot tougher than we give them credit for , they bounce back from a lot of variouse stuff slong the way but what they really don't need is a domestic abuser in their lives possibly ruining their future .

 If you ever get told that classic  " you and the children need me " then that person is totally wrong big time . No-one wants or needs to witness physical or emotional abuse on a regular basis and then most certainly don't need it either .

 One thing to always remember when it comes to abusers , they need you more than you will ever need them and that's exactly why they all but beg you to stay or want to give things yet another go when you decide enough is enough .

 

Do I miss my ex ?.....

  No I most certainly dont and I don't I think I ever will .

   Yes we did have a few good times but they were very few and far between . I certainly don't miss the constant put downs , the big long sulks, being pressured into sex ( classed as rape ) or spending my days never knowing when the volcano could erupt yet again .

My children aren't children anymore and are now all grown- up and have made their own individual free choices about their father .  They have all luckerly not inherited their fathers habits or personality and if I say so myself they've not turned out to bad at all 😊

  He in return also has the choice to contact and see them when ever he wants to because they are old enough to make their own decisions in life but supprise , supprise he chooses not to . If their lucky they may get remembered on their birthdays or Christmas but they have learnt not to be too disappointed if it doesnt happen .

  

   Seriously think twice about your reasons for staying if your still in a domestic abusive relationship because life really can be totally outstanding when you break away from it , I should know because I've been there , seen it , done it and most importantly survived it 😊 .

  You and your children ( if you have any of course )  deserve a life that doesn't involve any form of abuse , you can seriously live a much greater life without your abuser bringing you down . 

 There is only ever one single person that has the right to say what you can or can't do and that's yourself . You are the only person that needs to control your life, no-one else . 

OK yes you will make the odd mistake along the way but that exactly how you learn and once you've learnt by that odd little mistake you won't do it again .  

  

 I have now been free a few years and yes of course I still get things wrong but I now accept its the norm and my slightly weird,  often scatty world is my own brilliantly unique place .

  I dont think I will ever totally be able to explain why I put up with things for as long as I did or why I was stupid enough to let my children be witness to it all  but what I do know is I just have to now fully focus on the future and what exciting things can hold . 

  You too can have an amazing future to look forward to , so if your sat there reading all this thinking  " I can't possibly do it " then your wrong . 

You can do anything you want to do , you can and will survive after abuse and you are not and never will be on your own .  

Walk your path in life........

( photo one of my own ) .