Next move.

 Domestic abuse is a bit of crazy story for me , I started all of this about a year ago for purely selfish reasons but now it's time for the next move in the game of life ....

I first began all of this to help put some sort of order and clarity to my abusive past and to get all the weird thoughts it so very kindly left me with into some sort of clear order and it was relatively easier to start to write than I first thought it would be . Some are parts were and will be a bit tricky to put into the right words but I will try my best to make it all make some sort of vague sense ( but I unfortunatly can't always garrentee it will do  ) , saying that , anything to do with domestic abuse doesn't really make a great deal of sense either really does it ?.... 🤔 .

 I'll try to only put down the more interesting eventful parts of my 28yrs of it because the rest of it all is just small minor everyday stuff in comparison ( not trying to belittle any of it but that's just the way I see it now )  . There were the little uncalled for snide comments , the looks that could kill , the total lack of trust , the constant " constructive criticisms " , the what seemed to be never ending dark silence's and of course the ever constant fear that you were always walking on perminate eggshell's or dangerous thin ice never knowing when the situation could change for the worse .

   After I had finished the basic story line part my decision to either continue or not , I  then made the decision to continue going with it so that others could see it and maybe it would give them some sort of hope that they too can get their lives back once again from it  . 

I thought maybe there must be possibly thousands out there so I better do something else extra to go along with it .

  Ta da !!!! I can now also be found on Facebook , Instagram , Quora , Threads and the new X ( was Twitter ) and all should in theory and fingers crossed lead straight back to here to try to reach out to as many people as I  possible can  , 

My logic being that I've earnt the right to shout about domestic abuse after being involved in one for 28 yrs . Please feel free to message ( blog email found in profile ), say hello or even raise a subject about abuse that can be discussed and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible .

   

It's there for all those that may have been

 abused past , present or future and all I ask in return is that the support and understanding I'm trying to offer is returned and shared to others that may need it .

 Just knowing there is someone out there that will listern can mean a great deal to an abused victim .

   Yes there may be loads of other terrible horrendous stories out there all about domestic abuse already and some with extremly horrific phyical attack stories so why pick mine ? .......

Because it's a simple case of free choice ( something I never had for years ) . If it begins to spark the wake up call in just one single person then that's  my mission accomplished . 

  That first spark could  just be the begining of turning the page in the book of life and starting a whole new amazing adventure .  

 When I read back some of the things I've written so far they really don't come over as major life changing events but that's just how it is , no I never experienced any type of phyical abuse but that doesn't necessarily mean I don't carry any bruises . My scars , bruises and pain were all and to a certain point still are all internal where no one can see . Those same scars and bruises will remain with me proberly for years and quite a few will never heal . Emotional and mental abuse can be just as devastating as any other form and it all should be treated as exactly the same thing . Just because you can't see the pain someone could be suffering it doesn't mean to say it doesn't exist .

  

All my friends and family had no idea the thoughts and feelings that found their way into my head during my abuse and some of them didnt even know it was even actually happening . Why didn't they know ? ......

 Because in my crazy mixed up world at the time I was convinced no one would care let alone believe me .

  The totally insane notion above that no one 

 would care or understand was of course installed into my poor domestically abused head by my abuser , if your continuing then be prepared to find yourself being brain washed into actually believe it all . I now know just how extremly wrong all that total nonsense was and I personally think it was because he was the crazy dreamer and not me , it was him all along with the insecurities and massive lack of trust and his the one with the disturbing issues not me . 

 My life now may not be as perfect as someone else's but it's all mine with no master controller trying to live my life for me . 

  I'm now the perminate winner in my version of playing the game , sometimes it's a case of taking two steps forward and then taking one back but if I'm honest I wouldn't now have it any other way .

  My future now is my own and what ever I decide I want it to be .