Its not that easy.

 People often ask those who have dealt with any forms of domestic abuse " why don't you just leave ? " but it isn't always as easy as that.... 

Just imagine your sitting on one side of  a pair of giant scales and your domestic abuser is on the other side , very slowly over a period of time your side will begin to get weighed down with anxiety , stress and depression . Meanwhile on the other side the abuser will keep on raising up because they are constantly taking everything from their side and adding it all to yours instead on a daily basis . 

 The more you find yourself trying to wiggle to try to get a little more space on your side the more uncomfortable it can all become so you learn to just keep very still and not make a single sound and you try not to rock the already extremly unsteady boat more than it has to . 

The control the domestic abuser has had over you has surrounded you like a deep thick heavy foggy blanket and you end up believing over time absolutely every single thing you are told ,  you can try your very best to get some sort of equal balance in your life but its always a bit of a losing battle because in the domestic abusers world there's only one way to do things correctly and that's theirs . 

If you're told you are completely stupid and useless often enough by an abuser you will most likely over time end up actually believing that you must be . A  really good one that's quite often used by abusers is " you won't ever find anyone else as good as me " well guess what matey if that's the best you've got to offer then I really don't want to know what the worse can be like !!

  Domestic abusers are in my opion the total utter scumslugs of this earth ( fit your own appropriate swear words in here ) and they will never deserve your love , affection , trust or loyalty .  I hate to be the one to break the news to you but they don't really care how much they hurt you either physically or mentally in order to get their own way ( no matter what they may say or promises they make ) . Even if you give in to their constant wants , needs and demands they will still only expect even more next time and so it will all just keep on going . 

Was it a spoilt childhood , learnt behaviour from a parent or them just being total muppets ?....

 It's anyone's guess 🤔 .

Making that decision and finally choosing to leave an abuser is a bit like doing a major military top secret mission impossible type operation and you will need to put your 100% trust sometimes in complete and utter total strangers . The abuser will of course do their very best to try to keep you there and try to talk you round with their fake tears , fake promises and impossible make believe dreams but over time nothing changes , the dreams never come true and they will simply just go back to exactly the same way they always were before or get even worse .

 If your feeling really strong , brave and super determined for a better life then why not just take that first step and go for it . No it's not always an easy or fast road to take and yes your already sensitive fragile emotions will take a little bit of a battering but each and every step you take forward will be all worth while in the end . All this is coming from someone whose taken that first major all important step , spoken to the lovely kind helpful strangers , and I'm now living a free from any forms of abuse life , its not always easy but at least I'm doing it all my own way now and I'm loving it .

There are some groups of amazing people out there who can and will help you ( far too many to list and it all depends on which country you are in ) but at the end of the day there's only one person that can make that first all important step and thats yourself , you really are a much stronger person than you think you can ever be  .

   I know it's a rough road because I've been there , seen it and done it and yes its scary as hell to begin with but it really does honestly get better as time goes by . I will always be totally grateful to all those that listened and helped me along the way and most importantly those that believed in me . There is still the odd person out there that wants to take the exs side but that's their choice so I just leave them get on with it untill they finally work it all out for themselves eventually .

   If your reading this thinking I could never be brave enough to do something like that , they need me too much then I'm sorry your wrong . Again I'm breaking news I think is already know and thats that they have never really needed you in the first place , anyone who feels the desire to want to change  , manipulate or try to control another person's life is obviously managing to do a great job of living life and they were doing it all well before they ever meet you .

 You are and always will be your own amazing brilliant individual person who is free to do what ever you want to do (within reason of course 😉 ) and its your life to live and no one else's.

 Question..... Do you feeling strong enough to take thst first step ?