Blaming .

 Domestic abuse blaming what a subject to discuss and try to unravel....

 The abused victim blames the abuser and the abuser blames the abused victim  . In my case yes most of it was my exs fault but to a certain degree I'm to blame too......why ?....

  Because I let it happen for much longer than it should of done. Yes I blame myself totally for that one because it was solely my fault and my decision for not putting a stop to it when it first all started all those years ago  .

I should of left the first time when I had the first opportunity and not wasted any more of my very valuable years of life being intimidated and abused . Does it make me cross or angry ?....

Yes to a certain point it does , I'm beyond feeling any effectionate feelings towards my now ex but I can't help but be slightly annoyed with myself for being such a wimp and not standing my ground . I wonder what would have happened if I had started saying No ! right at the beginning ? There's only 3 reasons I can think of to be thankful for all my years wasted and they of course are my children .

When your being abused you get sucked into it untill you can't see that your slowly sinking into a dismal pit of dispare . 

Some would say I shouldn't blame myself for any of it  but unfortunatly that's something I think will never change and I will just have  to live with and most importantly I should never of allowed my children be witness or experience any of it . 

 The Abuser will try to blame the rest of the world rather than take the responsibility and accept the blame for their own actions then if all else fails they will then try to convince anyone who will listern to them that your a complete and utter fruit cake that shouldn't be left in charge of a bowl full of jelly . Their warped logic is to try to make those who don't know you hate you and those that do know you hate you even more , they don't care who that person might be , it could be a friend , an employer, a parent , a random person waiting in line in a shop or even your own child  . They will try to condem you to anyone who will listern to them and the truth sometimes gets exchanged for untruths along the way and those same untruths can expand as time goes by .

 Next comes guilt and do they feel it let alone accept it and its yet another thing I don't have the answer for . Even if they did feel it they would never show it let alone admit to it . I'm more than happy to admit that I will always have a small feeling of guilt because I let my children be involved in it but I don't think there's any felt on my exs side ,  his either hiding it exceptionally well or as I strongly suspect there's absolutely nothing there .

In their eyes there's only one mean , selfish greedy , lazy and totally nasty person in their life and that's you . You were the one that spoilt all their fun , you were the one that broke their heart , you were the one that tried to turn everyone against them and you were the one that never did as they were told  . 

 I think there must be an endless list of things I was for ever being blamed for including not pulling my weight when it came to earning money or constantly having  affairs ( both obviously untrue or else I'd now be a poor homeless hooker without even a piece of stale bread to eat ) . I now know there was absolutly nothing I could have done to stop his abusive controlling ways .

  Being responsible for your own actions is a lesson that everyone should learn in life and especially the abusers but we all know they never will . No idea why it's such an encredibly differcult thing for them to do but obviously that part must be permanently switched off in them .

Do I forgive my exs actions ?..... 

 Not completely yet but over time maybe I might but that's only because I know I'm the much better person . 

Will I ever forget what has happened ? ......

No Never !!

Would I ever help him if I was the only person left on earth to do it ?....

That would all depend on how bad the the situation was I guess .

Donating a bodily organ or blood if it was needed  ?....

Proberly not ( differant blood group anyway) . 

Lending money ?... 

Deffinatly not ever , 

Offering him a bed for the night if it wss needed ?....

 Most likely not but I'd offer the use of a sleeping bag  .

Writting him a personal reference? ......

Only if I'm allowed to mention his a domestic abuser. 

Would I stand up in court supporting another one of their victims ?.....

Yes I honestly think I would. 

Do I think I will ever recieve an apology from my ex  ?.....

 Only of there's a vague chance of hell freezing over .

Will my ex ever accept any blame ? ....

No chance .

Is my life better now without my ex ? ......

Absolutely !!!!!

 Sorry but I honestly don't think if I was reached out to by my ex that I could ever bring myself to do an awful lot to help out not because I'm all bitter and twisted inside over the past events but because I know deep down he would never consider doing it for anyone else in a desperate situation and he wouldnt ever feel quilty for not doing it either . 

Domestic abusers will never take responsibility for their own actions  so they in turn will never receive or deserve my respect !!