My story Part 12 .

 So there you have it , my 28yrs of Domestic Abuse story all bundled up and squashed into lots of  small managable parts ........ 

It doesn't seem like a lot really does it when it's all written down and you read it , it certainly doesn't come across as that major life changing traumatic or horrific but trust me on the outside I may come over as a strong, confident no shit taking kind of girl but on the inside there's still some inner healing to be done but I'd like to think I'm getting there 😊 . 

My self belief had a bit of a major battering but even that is improving more each and every day , it can't be all that bad if I'm fully prepared to discuss my dismal past with complete strangers on here .

 I still have the odd random down day where all I just want to do is to dig a dirty great big hole somewhere and then climb into it but it's never nearly as bad as it used to be and it never lasts that long nowadays , thankfully . When they do happen I simply just put it down to it just being one of those days and I'm sure their not that much differant to the ones everyone else has occasionly. 

 I have never been a great fan of arguments or confrontations and I always try to avoid them if possible but equally I am not afraid to now give as good as I get when pushed to the utter extreme and I'm now more than capable to fully kick arse back if required . I've never been much of violent person either but I now make sure no one will ever have the opportunity think they can control or own me again . 

Unfortunatly I do think I'm stuck now with being slightly jumpy at the smallest slightest thing or sound but at least I can now laugh about it when it happens and just see it for what it is ....me just being a jumping jack firework  😊 .

There are two things I've apprently gained afterwards and their both something I was never really aware of . One is a new found glow and the other is my smile , people have mentioned this on more than one occasion and I now have both perminatly and by all accounts they really suit me 😊 .

I'm still none the wiser as to why my now ex is the way he is or why he thinks its the correct way to treat someone who you are supposed to care about but what I do know is he is still doing it even now to someone else and leaving a trail of deflated egos behind him ,  in fact I'm now in contact with some of his exs and we have some great chats and laughs comparing notes . It's been great therapy for all concerned and we're all now good friends . 

Do they really truly love who ever they are with at the time I've no idea but by the time old age creeps up with him I hope he looks back and wonders why or how on earth he ended up being all sad and lonely ( which I'm fairly certain he will be ) . 

   Personally I don't think I've done too bad for someone who was supposed to be " fat , useless and ugly " , I have a great job I still love doing  , I help run my new partners construction business  and I not only have a great bunch of totally trusted outstanding brilliant friends now but I'm also lucky enough to now be back in contact with a few who I used to know many years ago before it all started . I now get to go out for an evening when and where I want and wearing whatever I want and all done without worrying about what could happen if I came home a bit later than planned ( in fact its now positively encouraged 🤣) .  Life now is exactly the it should be , there's laughter fun and endless calmness . No longer are there the daily anxiety moments and deffinatly no more trying to predict the next hour or minute . You don't tend to realise just how valuable your sanity is untill someone else cruelly tries to take it all away from you . 

My kids have somehow and by some minor miracle managed to come out from the dark side they once had to silently tolerate and they have found that they too can now be reasonably intact confident people in their own unique special way and most importantly I've now found someone who actually loves me for who I am and not what they think they want me to be .

  As I've said before if I can do all of this so can anyone else , there's only one thing stopping you and that is yourself  , so why not be brave and take that first daredevil jump towards your freedom . Its scary and happy all at the same time but the inner peace that can be gained from it deffinatly outweighs everything else that's negative .   

   Just simply take a deep breath and jump , your friends and family will be your safety net !!!