Recovery .

 Now my story's been told and its hopefully being read by other people out there in the big wild world ......

The next question is " what do I do next ?" ....... so after a good night's sleep and a bit of a think over a cuppa I've decided to keep on going talking/writing about domestic abuse ,

 the after effects and the help that's out there because even if just one person reads my rambling words and thinks " OMG !! that sounds just like me " then it will all be worth it .

 I won't pretend to have all the right answers but theres one garrented thing I can promise and that is that I will listern and be there . I have found just doing the simple thing of just talking to someone else can take the massive weight of being domestically abused off of a persons shoulders and that's my whole purpose behind continuing with all of this . 

 Telling the very first person is the tricky part but it honestly does get easier each and every time , I've got to admit that even though I'm always very open and honest about what happened to me it's the " he was domestically abusive to me " bit that's always the hardest part to say but once that's all out the way the rest just naturally flows out , I'm never entirely sure if it all sounds rather over the top and dramatic when I say it out loud to other people but it is what it is and I'll keep on saying it and if people want to know more I'll keep on telling them .

  

  Domestic abuse can come in many different shapes and forms some physically violent and some emotionally damaging both can leave their mark but it's not always visible . Physical bruises may heal but the mental bruises and scars can go on for some people eternally but talking outlook to some else can be the first step to recovery . 

  Domestic Abuse can happen to absolutly anyone be they male,  female , gay , straight , black , white , rich , poor or even Famous . It's been happening for hundreds of years and unfortunately it will sadly continue to do so for even more .

  I've never and will never understand why someone feels the need to hurt or injure someone else just because they can't control their temper ( don't ever believe a temper cant be controlled because its just a very lame and feeble excuse when it comes to abuse ) or because they want to get their own way .   

  For a start abuse to men is very rarely spoken about , be it shame or male pride that gets in the way I don't really know but everyone is equal when it comes to being abused and the aftercare should be equal too . The men out there tend to keep it all to themselfs and don't share what is or has been happening to them and that must be really incredibly tough going for them . It's hard and tough enough for women to discuss things like this too but in a strange way it seems to be even harder for the boys to do it  , their defensive barriers go up and some just suffer in total silence .

Why is it OK for a woman to hit back with another woman when trying to defend herself but if a guy dares to do it he can instantly be arrested for violence ?  It's all wrong on so many levels ( not just  the violence but the treatment and aftercare too ) I'm not saying it's OK for anyone to hit back with anyone else but its just an example how men and women can be treated completly differently . I've heard of loads of examples where the man is instantly blamed and questioned by police after a domestic abuse incident but the real female culprit is laughing and getting away with it all . 

Things need to change big time  !!!!

  A few years ago I was completely and utterly gobsmacked to discover just how few male refuges there really were in England for example the nearest one to the south east of England at the time was in Wales !!!  Yet a women's refuge can be in the next town to where she lives  , absolutely true and absolutely not fair , what happened to Sexual equality  ? I would like to think things have improved since then but there's no garrentee . Do you know where your nearest male refuge could be ?

Be honest with yourself who would you want to believe more the husband or the wife if you discovered domestic abuse was going on in a relationship ?.........exactly and thats my whole point . Its still after all these years very one sided which might be one of the many reasons the men out there don't tend to bother to speak up much about it and to be honest you can't really blame them for that if this is the sort of aftercare they might get offered .

    Why should a dad have to fight sometimes for years in court to try to gain custody of his own children and go through various hoops in order to prove his a good father when its the mum who is the abusive aggressive one in the first place ? and she automatically gets custody of the children ! Yet if it was the other way round mum and children get all the help and advice , police are called and husband/partner arrested straight away and very few questions asked .

Why are dad's not given the same rights as a mother to their own children  ?... 

 why should the men be the ones that have to suffer when an abusive relationship goes wrong and they were the innocent party ?...

Why are they the ones thst are automatically blamed and not believed ?....

 None of it makes any logical sense really does it and  that's because things need to change dramatically .

   So this is for all the guys out there who have either gone through it or are still in the middle of it ....... yes there really honestly is help out there for you when you feel ready to find it  . Never forget there really are people out there who will listern to you , believe you , and understand exacly what your going through , they can/will try to do their very best to help you . I may not have all the answers that might be needed but if you need a friendly trusted person to talk, scream or swear to just look in my profile and you'll find my blog email ( 100% confidential and without any blame or  criticism given ) 😊 . 

The road back for all domestically abused victims regardless of who they are can be a bit rough and bumpy at times but just keep on traveling on it and you will get to where you want to be eventually . Your golden future is just around the next corner so why not start the journey.