Thursday, March 21, 2024

Not the Master controller.


Why do those that domestically abuse others always feel the need to be the master controller?......

  It certainly isn't because others can't manage to live their own life quite successfully without it and it most deffinatly isn't because that others can't survive a single moment without being guided along the way . So that then leads to another really interesting question , if it's not for those reasons or more importantly , is it then abusers/controllers underlying deeply buried problem ?....

  Maybe they possibly feel that if their own life isn't going the way they want  it to then it obviously must be someone else's fault and that in turn means that whoever happens to be with at the time needs to be redirected to go in the direction that the abuser feels is the right way to go so that they feel their life is back on course ( even if it's going to go wrong again ) . 

   Basically if they can't control their own life then they try to control someone's else's . 

  Is it their unique form of anxiety ?...

  I'm not sure but I much rather they learnt to sort it all out for themself then share it around to others .

   Is it down to their own individual insecurities ?....

  Possibly but that doesn't really help or do any favours for the person their going out of their way to control. 

  If the want-to-be  Master controller thinks their messed up in life just imagine then what it's like for their latest victim after they have had to deal with them !! Just imagine walking through a never ending minefield , never knowing when or where that next explosion could happen or how big it could all be . 

  It could be over something as silly and as small as not putting enough sugar in their coffee or how dare you wear what you wanted to wear today , the controller's of this world just want everything done their way .

  Personally I've never really worked out why they feel the need to do it , yes I've seen and heard several really good reasons but in some cases it's just very poor excuses . The controller knows exactly what their doing at the time and they know exactly how to get the end result that's demanded , so if they know from the start what they are about to do then equally they should in theory know that what they are about to do isn't the right way to go about things 🤔.

   O.K , so what can you do to make life a little easier living or being with someone who feels they need to control everything?....

⭐️  Just stop , count to 10 and start again then breath....  ⭐️

I found keeping calm helped a lot , kicking off because their kicking off doesn't help anyone or anything so when or if it happens just smile sweetly and listern to what they want to say then very calmly take a big breath and in a reassuring sort of way try to explain that you actually do have it quite successfully under your own control thank you very much , granted it doesn't always work or go down well but the staying calm bit most certainly benifits the person having to deal with it in the first place .

  Many a time in the past I've had amusing moments where I've actually managed to out smart and out control my now ex abuser , sometimes I knew when told that the so called brilliant idea would be a complete disaster but I went along with it just for the fun of it ( yes I'd get the foul treatment after but it was always well worth it).

  One great amazing idea was on a really hot sunny summers day " let's cut down the branches on that tree in the garden " ( people passing by the back gate could see and hear everything that was going on ) so off came his shirt and up the tree he went , major orders about how to do this sort of job properly and comments of " I know what I'm doing " , then a few hours later after clearing up the mess that was made below I heard a voice moaning that he had got sun burnt on his back and was now stuck in the tree !!!! 

  I knew it would all happen but there was of course no way I could mention any of it , he found a way down after a great deal of swearing from him and laughter coming from those people that passed by and I got a massive sulk thrown my direction for a couple of days but it well worth every single minute of watching and laughing on the inside. 

   The above is just a random but funny moment in my past life ( theres been a few good ones similar and thats for sure ) but what it does show is that Karma can get give those that want to control everything or everyone a short sharp bite on the bum occasionally , it was those crazy moments that helped keep me going sometimes and on bad days I'd replay them in my mind just to help make me smile . I still see that same tree every single day now in my garden and it's now looking pretty good after I did the job myself once he had left without any instruction , sun burn , swearing or getting stuck . 

   There's so much stuff I've discovered that I can now do all by myself quite successfully if needed and I'm most certainly not " fat , useless and ugly " , if I find it's something a bit beyond me then I just simply ask a favour from one of my great friends .

  Just like that tree I've now grown taller and stronger , no one will ever ever attempt to get the chance to try to control my life again and get away with it . There is and only ever will be one ultimate master controller in my life now and that is .......ME !!!!!!!!!!!










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