Not Guilty.

  

Anyone that's been involved in any of the many forms of domestic abuse will at some point get all the blame thrown in their direction.....

 Nothing of course is the abusers fault or at least not in the eye of the abuser anyway and that's just yet another totally frustrating aspect of dealing with the world of domestic abuse. 

 Why abusers refuse to accept the blame for their own actions or ever except maybe just maybe their not as perfect as they like to think themselves to be is any ones guess .

Walking away from the darkness that is domestic abuse is hard enough but then you also become the innocent guilty party ( which doesn't make any sense at all really does it ?..) Abusers are experts in reversing all the blame and they will stand there hand on heart , tears in their eyes and wearing a deeply hurt expressions pleading their case and in some extreme cases they even try to blame their victim of domestic abuse . 

   Being blamed for past events is something that I'm fully qualified in , everything during my 28yrs in my past domestic abuse story has been spun , twisted and completely manipulated into a heart breaking sob story full of dramatic woe-is-me tales that is told by my now ex-abuser , some of it involves me having continuous affairs ( only slightly difficult considering I wasn't allowed to go anywhere or talk to anyone else ) and of course everything else was just rubbish I had either made up or lied about .

  One thing I've always prided myself in is my honesty about my abuse , I've gone out of my way to make it all sound as undramatic as possible ( only because I feel there's considerably worse cases out there ) and I've never fluffed it up or tried to make it fancy , I've never wanted others sympathy and I certainly don't speak about it or write about it to grab any attention . My original decision to put my experience down somewhere was a purely selfish action so I could put all of my crazy mixed up thoughts down somewhere in order to de-fuzz the crazy mixed up thoughts that had been going around my head just like a washing machine on a big spin cycle . None of it may contain much highly valued content but what it does have is the unseen support and peace of mind it can offer to others who are unfortunate enough to find themselves in a similar position .

  Yes, I'll hold my hands up high and say that I wasted far to many years believing that everything was my fault and that I must be humberly grateful for everything my abuser had ever done for me but then I woke up to the reality and although I know I may not be perfect ( but who is ?) I now know I was never as " fat , ugly and useless " as I was led to believe I once was . This particular domestic abuse survivor now flatly refuses  to ever go back in a situation like that ever again .

   Call it what ever you like ( but brain washing comes to mind ) domestic abusers will always use anything or anyone to reach their intended target and they will use whatever it takes to portray themselves as the innocent party .

  So we've now established that the abuser isn't quite as pure and innocent as they make themselves out to be and that they can become highly impressive Oscar award winning actors/actresses but that still doesn't stop the abused victim feeling guilty. 

              

                     Why feel guilty?....

Because the poor victim has had so many of their various normal logical thoughts and feelings mashed , squashed and smashed into submission. 

 Time is a most marvellous magical healer and over time the damage is slowly repaired ( maybe not 100% but enough to survive anyway ) . You start seeing the different colours in life and not just the endless shades of dismal grey , and the discovery that the whole blame lays in only one person's hands and that person is most positively not and never will be the abused victim .

 Without question all domestic abusers are guilty of all crimes commited !!!!

   Anyone that has ever read further into any of my other posts will know by now that I've already covered the whose to blame thing before but  it's a subject that needs to sometimes be repeated because that over powering feeling of guilt can't just disappear overnight . Maybe my endless words of not so important wisdom on my variouse posts are not bursting full of useful information but what they are overflowing with is my truthful experience of domestic abuse and that not only have I been there , seen it and done it but I've also most successfully survived the whole experience .

  There's endless emotions that connect with domestic abuse and most are not always the greatest , some are highly unpleasant and some can wipe away a person's very inner soul but never forget these emotions can always be detached and replaced with brand new and even better ones once the abuser has been evicted or left . 

  Never let those somtimes heavy feelings of guilt of " was it really me ? " overtake you or smother you because none of it is true , there's a ridiculous amount of confusion , uncertainty and answerable questions superglued to domestic abuse and I gave up long ago attempting to answer most of them .

  There is one true answer I can give and that's  a gigantic massive big NO !!!!  no-one else is ever guilty other than the abuser when it comes to domestic abuse  .

  Granted It can be a bit of a bit of a tricky thing to prove to anyone else but the most important thing is that the ones that have been abused start to believe that they are the innocent party and none of it was their fault no matter what they may of been told  .

 The common factor in domestic abuse is the abuser and their actions , they decided to make the decision to abuse someone , they hit out either emotionally or physically and they made it their mission to attempt to control another human beings life so how does that all become the abused victims fault ? ...

      If your having those " it wasnt me , was it ?  " thoughts or any other of those self doubt moments creeping in then please take my advice and don't ever believe any of it !!!