Saturday, January 6, 2024

Congratulations and celebrations.


✨️ A big congratulations to myself for two very important life changing decisions !!!!!!! ✨️

At the end of this month 9 years ago I made the first major decision and because of that one decision my life is now beyond a major improvement , that decision was to end my endless dark 28 years of domestic abuse .
 Yes , It caused quite a few slightly large ripples (slightly being an understatment there ) and a certain person was most deffinatly not a happy bunny about it but as I said at the begining of all of these posts it was either he had to go or I'd have to leave in a box . There was the obviouse classic hissy fits , temper tantrums and spiteful words but I had grown so used to all of that over the years that none of it really bothered me much anymore . I simply could not continue trying to live under the gigantic heavy cloud of domestic abuse  anymore , my mission at that particular period in time  was to get the control back of my own individual life and after several brutally honest phone calls to get help and advice and asking a few favours from good friends I had somehow managed to keep along the way I started travelling on my bumpy road of recovery and sunshine was slowly coming back into my life once again .

   I would be lying if I said it was super easy but looking back now it really wasn't nearly as differcult or complicated as I had originally thought it might be , Yes , deffinatly scary but that's only because I was still in the belief and mind set that I was complely worthless and useless ( if your told you are long enough then you start to believe you must be ) but once that snow ball started to roll along all myself belief and inner strength just grew bigger and bigger almost every single day .
 The grey heavy clouds that come with domestic abuse slowly began to lift and my days have become brighter ever since . Refusing to not allow all those gloomy thoughts and feelings to continue festing in my life proved to be one of the most positive things I have ever done ( apart from having my children of course ) .
My Story of domestic abuse  will always stay with me in the background but I now no longer hide behind the sofa from it and I'll carry on regardless shouting out loud about it ....

 I am a domestic abuse survivor and I'm extremly proud of it !!!!!

My second life changing decision started as a purely selfish act but it's sort of just adapted and grown into what it is today. 
 Three years ago I first started putting down my story of domestic abuse, I felt I needed at the time to put it all down somewhere in order to help clear some of the foggy cobwebs that insisted on lingering in the back of my mind . I put down my story then there was a bit of a long pause whilst I thought about what to do next and then I've continued on the positive aspect after tweaking it slightly in places and a little bit of editing .
  I knew from the start I would always do it as if I were talking to a friend and that it had to be written with total one hundred percent honesty  and above all else it had to start from the very first meeting in order for it to show how the abuse developed and grew overtime into what it eventually became .
  Reading some of it back now I'd like to think the writting has all improved as it's gone along , it's grown from not just being about my past domestic abuse experiences but also about how positive my life now is , this positivity I now try to spread and share all around . What started as just one thing has now begun to grow just like a seed and I can now also be found on Facebook , Instagram,  Threads , X and Quora and all for exactly the same purpose......that's to help others see surviving domestic abuse can be done .
It's most deffinatly been a unique journey reliving and remembering as much as I can , as you've probably seen if you've read any of my past experiences my domestic abuser was only ever emotionally , mentally and financially abusive along with the classic stopping me having as less contact as possible with family and friends ( plus a few other unpleasant things ) and looking back has helped enormously in helping me realise just what a fool I must of been for allowing it to continue for as long as it did . 
  You're absolutely right it doesn't read particularly that bad or that horrendous now it's all written down but when it's continually aimed in your direction for 28 extremely long years it does tend to tire you out just a bit ( note the typical english sarcasim used here ).
 I ended up actually believing I was "fat , usless and ugly " because I was told it almost every single day , my inner confidence in myself had been shot to pieces and there was I at the end of it with no or extremely little inner strengh left  .
  Today I now know I'm nowhere near as dumb as I was once lead to believe I was , I know none of what happened to me was even close to being my fault and actually I'm impressed with myself that I've manage to come out the other side reasonably sane,  level headed and the weird crazy bad dreams that were attached have almost ceased to exist .

 There are no more dark miserable clouds in my life anymore ( apart from the obvious weather type ones of course) and I'm actually quite enjoying living my life now 😊.
 I will be eternally grateful to all those that supported me , helped me and guided me along the way and to those that have read some or all of my previous stuff I say a massive big thank you .
  My days are now as full of as many happy warm fuzzy wuzzy sunshine moments and happy thoughts that I can squeeze into it , 
  My nine years of domestic abuse freedom has gone far too fast and I Iook forward to whatever comes along  my way in the future .
Please if your reading any of this and your going through your own personal domestic abuse nightmare then never say never to making the same sort of decision I once made and make your days worth living once again .


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