Warning ⚠️

 

Warning sensitive subject matter !!!!!

 I purposely left everything here open to all to read because I've always felt domestic abuse doesn't have an age barrier on it , so why should I . The following subject matter is not only sensitive but it could possibly be slightly upsetting or a dreaded red flag trigger....my apologies for both but it's a subject that needs to be discussed . 

 Rape is the most foulest of crimes, and everyone first thinks of the obvious form but there's also another less spoken about version and it's something to this day I'm still getting my head round . I once spent 28yrs in a domestic abuse relationship, and I'd say for roughly the last 15yrs of it I was sexually abused by being raped by my now ex on a regular basis .

  Most think of rape as forced sex without consent but there's more to it than that . There is also now a law in England ( no idea about other countries sorry ) where it can also count as rape if a person is intimidated or emotionally controlled into it even though a person may of agreed to it just to keep the peace in order to stop any physical or emotional damage being done .

  So , you're now thinking to yourself " well if you've agreed where's the problem ? " but it's unfortunately the answers not always as simple as it might sound  . 

Abusers will use everything in their power to get exactly whatever they want including sex . 

 Just imagine lying in bed and your other half/partner comes up wanting a bit of fun but you don't , what's the obvious thing ?... you say no and you both curl up , say goodnight and then fall asleep .

But there is no No when it comes to being with a domestic abuser,  you will find yourself being punished for defying their demands be it physical or emotionally with cruel words , nasty comments , violence and threats of withdrawing even more money or even using emotional blackmail untill they get exactly what they want even if you don't want to . 

 Sex between two people should be a shared  experience but not in an abusers eyes , they want it and they will get it regardless of what the other person might think . They don't care if you don't want to join in because they will still continue without any loving caressing , tender kisses , foreplay and they will just carry on regardless . Then finally afterwards you can find yourself left wondering WTAF !! just happened . You lay there thinking " I'm sure it's  not supposed to be like that " meanwhile the abuser might still then complain that you never joined in or you must be having an affair if you didn't really want it with them and never once does it ever occur to them that maybe just maybe it's not the actual act of sex you don't want but it's the way that person treats you that's the problem .

  Like I've already said it's taken me a long time to accept that in my case yes although it may be classed as rape there's not a huge amount I can now do about it , the ex will of course deny everything saying that if I agreed to it then wheres the problem ? and I never once put up a fight to stop it or said anything . There was only the two of us in that room so obviously no witnesses to the event or the treatment before hand , during or after so that just leaves my word against his with no proof .

 

  I've sort of come to terms with a lot of my past experiences with my ex but trying to work out whose to blame for the rape still completely confesses me , its such a grey area when it comes to being emotionally blackmailed into having to have sex by a supposed loved one . 

  I'm now bringing up this subject in order for others to see that rape isnt always a simple case of yes or no , it can be more complicated than that and I'm positive there's more like me out there who have had to deal with similar experiences . 

Why not go to the police about your ex ? I hear you all ask but what would I say ?....

" Hello there I've just spent the last few years being raped by my partner but I agreed to it because he said he wouldn't give me the money to get my hair cut or for me to buy a bottle of milk " . 

Would you honestly expect anything to be done ?... 

    Nope me neither .

 I'm hoping that maybe after reading this particular post that others will feel a little bit more informed on the subject of domestic abuse rape , its something very few will openly discuss or admitted it happening to themselves but that doesn't mean to say it doesn't exist . If like myself you've had to go through that extremly unpleasant experience then please don't hesitate to send an email to my blog email found in my profile . I may not have all the answers , but what I do have is understanding and I'm non judgemental ( all contact will be totally 100% confidential of course ) .

  Domestic Abuse is despicable in any shape or form and it doesn't matter what colour , sex or creed you may be it's still abuse and no one ever deserves to be treated that way in life . If you've managed to escape it and survived it then I congratulate you and if your still ploughing your way through it then please never forget there will always be someone out there to help and listern to you when you are ready .

 Like I said at the start of this I apologise to anyone who may find the subject matter discussed today upsetting or if it triggers any of those ever annoying red flags but it's one of those things in life that needs to be brought into the open , not just for those that have had to deal with it but also those that are still having  to through it  . I know somewhere out there in this great big wide world there should be various support groups , helplines and charity groups that will help guide you when you need them . If you find yourself not quite ready yet to make that call then know there are hundreds of us fellow survivors writing variouse blogs or posts proving that breaking away from the darkness of domestic abuse can be done .

 

  Yes... if I'm asked now by anyone about my abuse I do bring up all the gory subject matters involved about domestic abuse because I am not and never will be ashamed of what happened to me in my past but what I am now is extremely proud of my future .