Question time 🤔

There are far too many questions and not enough answers about domestic abuse , would you be able to pick an abuser out in a crowd ? ......

Those that domestically abuse others are very much like chameleons , they can change their colour and character to fit with what ever situation they might find themselves in and you will very rarely get to see the real person behind the mask they wear  . You can quite often find yourself left with endless unanswered questions that do nothing but confuse you even further as time goes by because they all seem never to have an answer  . Just when you think you've worked it all out even more questions need answering and so it all goes on .

Domestic abusers can come in many differant shapes , colours , sizes and sexs . That dear sweet innocent looking little grey haired  old lady with the softly spoken quite little voice in the super market that needed your help with her shopping trolly the other day could be one , that perfect gentleman sat wearing a nice smart expensive suit having his lunch on that park bench reading his newspaper and feeding the pigeons could be one and the nice really friendly person who served you in the garage after filling your car up yesterday could be one too .  It is  vertually impossible to disquinish who the abuser could be in a crowd full of people .

Abusers don't unfortunately have that certain look about them , have big red warning lights on top of their heads or wear a massive badge telling the world what they are and and you will never see a hint of it in their eyes when you talk to them , they wear their fake mask all to well so that others will never see the real person that lies underneath it , those who are abused are the only ones who will ever really get to see the true person that abuses .

Those that are abused are even harder and more differcult to spot because it's a whole  life changing story that's very rarely openly shared whilst it's still happening  . That super confident amazing person at work who seems to know exactly what their doing and where their going in life could go home at the end of the day to a totally differant world that's full of abusive nightmares . They could be scared from the very minute they put yheir coat on and leave work and then automatically go into self protection mode all in preparation to face what ever horrors that live behind their closed front door .

If ever you do get the opportunity to speak to a survivor of abuse just watch very closely their body language and what they say when they discuss things that have happened to them . Everything will be done in a very calm clear collected matter of fact sort of way with no major dramatics and as they remember events you can almost see them reliving it all in their mind and replaying events in their eyes . There will be no dramas , no over acting and most deffinatly no attention seeking . all you will ever get told are the facts and only ever the bare harsh honest truth .

Some survivors are extremly lucky and come out reasonably sane ( I'd like to think I'm part of this very unique group maybe 🤔 )  meanwhile there are others who sadly can find life simply just far too hard and to want to continue with it anymore and this can be just how traumatic domestic abuse can really be  . 

Which ever one it is , the feelings and emotions you can be left with after domestic abuse can end up being just like a major attack from a group of Demenators that are mentioned in a best selling Harry Potter book by J. K Rowling and its going to take slightly more than just a bar of chocolate to make things feel better . There are unfortunately no magical remedies or potions and deffinatly no magic wand that can take away all the pain caused by an abuser . 

  The after effects can give you some amazingly brilliant bright sunshine days and then you can equally get some endlessly dark cloudy ones . Some days seem to be stupidly short with your list of things to do never getting finished and you wonder where all the time has gone and some can feel like the days are just dragging on like life is all in slow motion and it all feels like things take an entirety to do but you still just keep on going regardless . The side effects left after abuse are just something you strangly just get used to it all as time goes by  .

 Domestic abuse survivors are a rare but extremly tough special group of individuals , we have lived through all sorts of variouse forms attacks be it physical or emotional , we've come out the other side and we are constantly watching over our shoulder for any one who dares think they are brave enough to try to get away with it .  As the saying goes " What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger " and  I fully believe this to be true ( at least in my case anyway ) ,  personally I will never allow anyone to think they have the right to try to own me , control me or abuse me ever again .

Meanwhile the abuser will just simply carry on doing what they do best  , they will just keep moving on and find their next victim to abuse and control ( notice they will only ever ho gor people they think are weaker than themselves ) . They will never comprehend that their actions are not an exceptable way to live and they will never offer anyone a deep and meaningful apology for it either .