My story Part 5 .

 We now need to fast forward a little bit in time ..... 

 He had moved out his old place so his soon to be ex wife could move back in with their little one . Life back at his mums house was alright and I became a regular visitor . Thinking about it now we never really did a great deal back then , there were very few evenings out and weekends were mainly spent watching football or if after I had been paid maybe a trip out somewhere . During this time and after we had been together a couple of years we got engaged whilst on a weekend trip to Paris  ( " me giving you a ring means ownership " ) . Over time we brought his old place off his now ex-wife because she needed to move on and it was apprently going to be cheap .. The paperwork was all sorted  with me only owning 30% because his theory was he earned more and he already sort of owned it anyway ( yes it doesn't make much logical sense to me now either ) , we even had a lovely new landline phone fitted ! ☎️

 The new exciting first home together feeling didn't last long and reality began to start kicking in , I remember thinking as I was peeling potatoes for dinner one night " Mmmm.... I seem to be doing almost everything here and I'm sure its not supposed to be like that 🤔 "  but I told myself I was just being silly and that this is what happens when you become an adult and move away from home . 

  Then I committed the most unintentional , accidental and devastating crime...... I fell pregnant !! 😳 

Notice here that I said it must of been all my fault because obviously that's exactly what must of happened  , I mean its absolutely ridiculous to even possibly consider that it normally takes in most cases  two consenting adults to conceive a baby and that there's a silly little thing called protection to prevent it if needed .  

  He was not a very happy bunny about this little supprise information and I even got asked whose it was . Next came the demand of I of course had to get rid of it because it could ruin his future . I refused to even consider the notion and in return I then received the longest silence I had yet from him , it lasted for 2 whole very long horrible weeks . 

Of course I still had to function as normal as possible pregnant or not ( or as much as I could anyway ) so I'd get up early each morning and then work all day , come home to do the washing , cook dinner , wash up , make sure the place was tidy , make his coffee and then finally manage to sit down to nothing but dark silence or if I was really lucky I'd get a killer cold glare if I dare open my mouth to speak to him ( should add at this point he had just been made redundant so he sat at home all day just watching what ever was on the television and drank coffee all day ) .

After a few months I mentioned I could feel very small minor possible first baby movements and in his charming and most meaningful caring voice his answer was " good I hope you lose it ! ". My first reaction to this in my very early hormonal pregnant state was to slap him round the face ( yes I know it wasn't the best move to make ) and in return I received a silly little punch on the side of my face with his excuse being I had hit him first ( I say silly and little because it didn't hurt or leave a mark but it's still the one and only time he ever did anything like that to me ) . 

Was it me or was it him who started it and was it right or wrong  ?.....  I'll let you decide the answer to that one .

  Things gradually began to improve over time and he very slowly got used to the idea of being a father again and eventually child No1 was born all safe and sound  . I may of been a little bit innocent about a few things but I honestly seriously thought at the time that as parents we'd both sort of do the new baby thing together but he had other ideas of course .

 In his eyes I was female and the mother so I obviously had to do all the nappy changing and the feeding especially late night feeds because he was male and might have work the next day and all that really annoying crying would only keep him awake . 

He would pose beautifully with babe in arms showing off to various people or if photos were being taken but as soon as the crying began it was my turn again . Money became a bit tight at times ( or so I was led to believe anyway ) but I did manage to successfully convince him after a while and a lot of disagreements that any Child Benifit payments paid to me were for the mother and child and not for his own bank account and personal use .

This was just the beginning of me very slowly becoming submissive and losing my true inner self . Very slowly the person I used to be was melting away bit by bit and I was trying to become a form of the classic 1950s good domestic house wife he wanted me to be ( never did manage to do that ) . I never noticed it happening at the time or even thought to challenged it but instead I just convinced myself I was a mother now and that was how its supposed to be if I wanted my happy ever after in life . 

 I started to become a little annxious waiting for the next time he'd kick off about any random thing and I'd go out of my way to try to think and plan ahead so it couldn't happen ( unfortunately who ever lost at football was totally out of my control ) . 

 Looking back writting this now I can't actually believe I couldn't see what was slowly happening to me or why I let it go on for as long as it did but that's just how good they are I guess and I was about discover that my life was about to upgrade to a new differant level . 

Never once did I think at the time my future would become so lonely and distant and that I would end up feeling I didnt matter in life , my future was about to become not my own and the dark unforgiving clouds were beginning to decend rapidly .