My story Part 2 .

 It was early April in 1986.....

 and one of those normal Thursday evenings after a days work type things where as was the norm back then a visit to a local pub was in order so on went the glad rags , blue eye liner, shoulder pads , Heather Shimmer lipstick and our hair was made to go into the classic 80s big hair look .....2 female 19 year olds what could possibly go wrong ?

   

  We'd hadn't been standing there very long and the pub didn't have many people in it because things never really got going in there till the weekend . As we were putting the world straight 2 guys standing by the bar decided to join in with the conversation , both alright looking and both just being nice and friendly . One of them declared straight away he was a happily married man and the other one started telling us his sorrowful heartbreaking  story about how his wife had just left him the day before taking their baby with her  . She'd apparently had constant affairs in the past , only ever wanted him for his money  and he had actually unbelievably once caught another man leaving where they where living ( this part of the story grew slowly and changed over the years ) .

 Apparently he had only come out that night because he felt a little bit down and his friend thought he might need a drink to take his mind off things , looking back now I can't remember him actually showing any sorrowful deep heartbroken regret or just being dumped or abandoned confusion over what had recently happened ( remember it had been only 24 hrs since it had happened ) , and for someone who was so apprently devastated why was he out chatting to random females in a pub ?  Stupidy I never saw it at the time 🤔 .

 The night ended on a happy note and we all said our goodbyes before all heading off our separate ways home . I remember feeling really sorry for the poor abandoned one and thinking how horrible things must of been for him and how dreadful his wife was for doing everything she had done . I spent the next couple of days thinking that it would be nice to find out how he was getting on and would I ever see him again . All this was the exact reactions that were expected from me I think at the time looking back now and its a very good card that all abusers seem to like to play . They need , want and crave your attention and will use any decent excuse in order to get it , in this case playing the neglected abandoned heartbroken soon to be ex husband and unfortunatly for me it worked .

   Little did I know at the time this was just the begining of my constant walking on very thin ice or egg shell future . Playing the victim card is one of the first favourite thing's an abuser loves to use in order to win you over , they want and need you to feel sorry for them , they need you to believe everything about their dramatic story's ( remember they will never tell lies of course 😉 ) , they never tell you the complete truth or at least they will only tell you what they think you should know or want you to hear in order to feel sorry for them and like the big daft softie person I am I fell for it all hook , line and sinker . 

Just like fishing they throw their bait out , they then catch you and reel you in slowly begining to play and control your every move without you even noticing it's happening . They play with your emotions , tease you with non existent possibilities , make all sorts of crazy false promises and then when all else fails they throw a massive major explosive adult temper tantrum striking out either physical emotional pain in your direction and then of course everything will be someone else's fault and never their own . 

Just imagine being constantly blameless for everything thats ever happened in your life and that it all being someone else's fault . ........ no thank you I dont think I ever could ,  how else could you possibly ever learn by your own mistakes in life if you don't take responsibility for them in the first place ?  🤔

Do they care who they hurt or damage along the way ?... No I honestly don't think they do . They only care about getting their own way and they will smash , hit , hurt and attempt to overthrow anything or anyone who dares to have the nerve to get in the way . If at first they don't succeed then they will just simply keep on going untill their unique life gives them what ever it was they wanted but unfortunatly as soon as that happens they will then decide it was all wrong , they dont want it and start all over again wanting something else completely different instead . 

If you unfortunatly find that your caught in the net by an abuser never forget you can always break free from the hook and swim away free again before its too late and you end up being in their eyes " owned ".  Granted it's not always easy but as your reading this I'm living proof that it can be done ,  it can only be done when your good and ready for it to happen and then you will discover that you are more powerful than you ever thought you could be . 

  Taking the conrol back of your own life is the only control that should ever happen to you so try to avoid the abusers of this world who insist on fishing for new victims .