Saturday, June 8, 2024

Risk Factor.


Domestic abuse happens and thats a fact !!....

but what isn't a fact is that it doest matter if you manage to escape it or not. the risk factor will always remain with you .

     Now I count myself extremely lucky that I managed to get myself out of my dismal pit of domestic abuse several years ago but although I'm now very much grateful my life is 100% much better there will always be in the dark background that feeling that I will never completely be free from it  . 

   Those memories of past unpleasant events will still linger and the reminder of " if ever you leave me , I will kill you " will always be a part of my life . I'd like to think my now abusive ex is too distracted by his latest victim to punish me but as the saying goes....Never say never.

  I make it a habit to know roughly the whereabouts my monster under the bed is hiding ( never wanting to know the full address but only the town /city ) , I don't care less what the hell that monster is doing but what I do care about is that the dark cave his crawled in is at a nice safe enough distance. 

  Do I honestly think my ex abuser would seriously carry out his threat ?....

   Possibly not but I've no intention of giving him the opportunity to either .

  I've learnt over the years to keep myself out of any situation that could lead to any problems , I make sure if I happen to go out of an evening I never walk home to far on my own and most importantly I make sure people know where I'm going and who I'm with . I've also made sure that my friends and love ones  know all about the threats and so if anything odd or unusual did happen to me then they know exactly where to point the finger of suspicion first.

Am I scared ?....

  No, not really, because if I was I wouldn't be able to enjoy living my life .

 Simple little basic things but all I feel necessary don't you?....

  I refuse flatly to even contemplate wasting any of my valuable time or energy on something or someone that has no respect for me and I most deffinatly won't give the time of day to worrying about something that might or might not happen , life is far too short .

  If I had been asked the same question whilst my abuse was happening then maybe my answer would have been a totally different one , I was far to scared to challenge anything and I most certainly didn't have any inner strengh left to fight against it .

 Now I'm not afraid about excepting the fact that one day my time on this earth will be up but as I've said before I'm not in a crazy mad rush for it to happen ( actually I'd quite like not to be there when it happens either if you see what I mean ). My aim untill that time happens is enjoy every single breath I can take and be thankful for it .This survivor will never allow anyone or anything to ruin a resonably decent and happy life .

   Threats can unfortunately turn into reality sometimes  but maybe eventually one day others will begin to realise that just because someone may survive or escape domestic abuse the risk assessment will never pass , the bad dreams may decline but they never totally leave and a domestic abuser will always be a domestic abuser.  

  The bitterness and hatred contained inside a person that abuses never really leaves them and the only thing that really changes is the person it's directed to . 


   Why did I choose this subject for this particular post today ?.....

  It all started with a form I was filling in , the first question was...Are you suffering from domestic abuse?  

    My answer to this was No .

The next question was ....Are you at risk of domestic abuse?

 This got me thinking and the more I thought about it the more stupid the question sounded . Yes , of course I'm still at risk of it , all the time my ex abuser is alive and kicking I will always be at risk of it .

 I answered yes but then thought maybe I should explain my actions in order for it to make sense to the person reading it . This then lead to a phone call where I kindly informed them of just how stupid that question was ( polity of course ) .

Not sure how well it went down but their response was that it had to cover every individual ( not even close to being a good enough excuse ) and it's a really good example of how little some people understand about domestic abuse. 

   I feel that if I found that question above silly then so would fellow domestic abuse victims or survivors , it's encredibly frustrating that even in this day and age so few understand or want to listern.  They will blindly go along thinking everything is either black or white but they alway fail to notice the grey areas all around . Its that ignorance that's made me continue to write about domestic abuse even  after I originally put down my story ( look all the way back to my very first posts if you want to know more ) ,  if I can help make others see that domestic abuse isn't as simplistic as people think it is and the feelings and thoughts of those that survive it never change .

  Now I have a request that I hope a few will take on , please don't ever assume that domestic abuse ends as soon as someone manages to escape from it . That person will be in deep recovery mode so they will need patience , understanding and most importantly a friend who at least attempts to try to understand instead of asking stupid questions.


  Never forget the risk of domestic abuse is always there even if the situation isn't. 







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Risk Factor.

  Domestic abuse happens and thats a fact !!.... but what isn't a fact is that it doest matter if you manage to escape it or not. the ri...